The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 18"America's First Female Comic
22 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
I may not be doing any reviewing at the moment, Jay, but that doesn't stop me from dropping a six on this. Well deserved. I'm still enjoying the story.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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I may not be doing any reviewing at the moment, Jay, but that doesn't stop me from dropping a six on this. Well deserved. I'm still enjoying the story.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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Tony, thank you so very much! I'm so glad you stopped by! I've been worried about you. And a six! Wow!!!
Jay
Comment from judiverse
You give the audience fair warning about Fanny's health, so her death comes as no surprise. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on the Juniper's finances. I wish I could be as certain about mine. There's also intrigue about Juniper's and Fanny's relationship. It sounds as if they were lovers. Anyway, Juniper gave Fanny a lot of encouragement in her career. Touching scene at the end with the reporter hugging Fanny. He won't forget her, and neither will the audience. Excellent conclusion with the ghost of Juniper appearing and the directions as to how she should look. judi
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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You give the audience fair warning about Fanny's health, so her death comes as no surprise. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on the Juniper's finances. I wish I could be as certain about mine. There's also intrigue about Juniper's and Fanny's relationship. It sounds as if they were lovers. Anyway, Juniper gave Fanny a lot of encouragement in her career. Touching scene at the end with the reporter hugging Fanny. He won't forget her, and neither will the audience. Excellent conclusion with the ghost of Juniper appearing and the directions as to how she should look. judi
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much, Judi. Your six stars is like rich desert. I agree with you that this would be a good ending for the play ... already too long. I'm glad you didn't feel the ending was schmaltzy.
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You're very welcome. The ending is great, especially with the ghost of Juniper appearing. You could cut back on some of the details about the estate so there wouldn't be a need for an epilogue. judi
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow Jay! You took us on a wild ride, up, down and round and round. The best part is that I was never able to guess what would come next. I especially liked that you had Fanny feeling periodic discomfort so the reader wouldn't be shocked at the end. Also, Juni was present in the background in beginning of the story, and returned at the end. I'll be here for your surprise in two weeks.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Wow Jay! You took us on a wild ride, up, down and round and round. The best part is that I was never able to guess what would come next. I especially liked that you had Fanny feeling periodic discomfort so the reader wouldn't be shocked at the end. Also, Juni was present in the background in beginning of the story, and returned at the end. I'll be here for your surprise in two weeks.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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OH GOOD! You remembered that Juniper was a ghost in the beginning scenes. We can thank Father Flaps (Kimbob) for that suggestion. You made my day with your memory!
Jay
Comment from lyenochka
Well the curtain fell but is this the end? I somehow don't feel like there was a sense of an ending yet. It seems Juniper was coming to get Miss Fanny. And the train ride is coming for the reporter.
I liked the use of the ledger to give is the sequence of events before the ladies moved to Dallas.
I was surprised that Miss Fanny mentioned planes. I guess they could afford it. Airplane travel wasn't for the common folk back in 1929, I thought.
I liked the "stew of white-noise background"
St. Lous to Dallas. Oh (Louis) since it's the Reporter talking and not Miss Fanny.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Well the curtain fell but is this the end? I somehow don't feel like there was a sense of an ending yet. It seems Juniper was coming to get Miss Fanny. And the train ride is coming for the reporter.
I liked the use of the ledger to give is the sequence of events before the ladies moved to Dallas.
I was surprised that Miss Fanny mentioned planes. I guess they could afford it. Airplane travel wasn't for the common folk back in 1929, I thought.
I liked the "stew of white-noise background"
St. Lous to Dallas. Oh (Louis) since it's the Reporter talking and not Miss Fanny.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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You were absolutely right about the Air Flight in 1929. I even looked it up in connection with the Reporter flying back to Brady, but saw that while they had commercial flights in America they were most inconvenient, noisy affairs. For some reason, it didn't dawn on me that commercial air travel across the ocean was not an option. I'll change that part to a ship. Thanks for the heads up!
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My husband remembers even in the 1960s, it was a big deal to fly and everyone was in their Sunday best. I think 1950s is when us common folk could consider flying as an option. Thanks for considering my observation, Jay!
Comment from royowen
When I was a younger man, I played a principle role in a musical called "Two from Galilee" in the play I died midway through the final act, I played that part for three years for a couple of weeks for three years, a little upset boy was brought back stage to find I was still alive at a matinee. I told him I had to live to die again. I thought if you play made it to the stage, that would be enacted by your very dramatic and touching last scene. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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When I was a younger man, I played a principle role in a musical called "Two from Galilee" in the play I died midway through the final act, I played that part for three years for a couple of weeks for three years, a little upset boy was brought back stage to find I was still alive at a matinee. I told him I had to live to die again. I thought if you play made it to the stage, that would be enacted by your very dramatic and touching last scene. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Oh, wow! What a great story, Roy. Not to worry, though, I have no intention of this play having a wider audience. LOL, but thanks, as usual, for your sweet comments. Blessings right back.
Jay
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Well done
Comment from Terry Broxson
Oh my. I do like the ending with Juni. I do suppose the door is open for another part or two relative to poem and the the will. I for one would say let all go to glory with some mystery. The six is for the creative adventure of the entire play. Terry.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Oh my. I do like the ending with Juni. I do suppose the door is open for another part or two relative to poem and the the will. I for one would say let all go to glory with some mystery. The six is for the creative adventure of the entire play. Terry.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much, Terry. I think you'll like the epilogue (s) I so much wanted to have it done in one epilogic scene ... but I'm just now in the second scene and dang if it won't go one more. Thank you SO MUCH for the six stars, Terry!
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow, what an amazing, and tear-jerking ending, Jay. I've mostly commented on the story throughout, but I'd also like to say what a great job you've done with making it a script, particularly in the stage settings and character descriptions. Excellent!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Wow, what an amazing, and tear-jerking ending, Jay. I've mostly commented on the story throughout, but I'd also like to say what a great job you've done with making it a script, particularly in the stage settings and character descriptions. Excellent!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much, Judy. I've had people tell me it should have been written as a novel -- and I have to admit there's some validity to that idea -- but I envisioned it as a play from the outset, and don't want to change it now. Judy, your six has made my day! Thank you.
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You're most welcome, Jay. I can see the point, but I like it as a script.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was a great ending to your story. Once Juniper was gone, she wouldn't have wanted to live much longer. I think this could be performed on stage, although Fanny dialect would need a little tweeking. Great story.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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This was a great ending to your story. Once Juniper was gone, she wouldn't have wanted to live much longer. I think this could be performed on stage, although Fanny dialect would need a little tweeking. Great story.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Carol. Fanny's dialect is the one reason this would not make it on the stage. Can you imagine the poor woman playing Fanny? You are so kind and have been a trooper, following this from the outset.
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I loved every bit of it. Fanny is such a charming and admirable character.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Peacock proud, cain't git any more prouder then thet, now kin ya? I'ma practicin'.
At Setting, 5th sentence: SUGGEST insert (of) between (kind) and (stew)
4th Fanny, 5th Sentence: I can make my way through most of Fanny's dialect, it's close enough to regular speaking that the words show through, but this one ('venurin') has me stumped. Is it Fanny Speak for adventuring? If so, maybe you could add a little to it. The conversation sounds as though it could be.
4th Fanny, 5th sentence: Also, the Fanny term (o') how does that fit in between (fool) and (knowed)?
8th Fanny, 1st Sentence: SHOULD (sisternly) be (sisterly). Now far be it from me to dictate, I mean I never even made it through Fanny Speak 101, but to say this word, the way it is written, reminds me of a cistern, not really pleasant.
9th Reporter, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (So)
11th Fanny, 3rd sentence and several other places, you use ('acause) here for Fanny Speak but later at 22nd Fanny, 4th Sentence, you use ('cause). I THINK ('cause) works better. At any rate you should make the usage consistent.
16th Reporter, 5th sentence: (grow it in) should be (grow in) remove duplicate (it)
Oh, my Gawd. You are gonna make me spend my third six-star this early in the week aren't you. This is not only a remarkable story with a twisted ending but a literary achievement with all the Fanny Speak. My only regret is I was not on board from the beginning. When and if time permits, I will look up the rest of Fanny's story on your portfolio and have fun with it.
I am extremely impressed at what you have pulled off here. This story belongs on film. I want to see Fanny dealing with that reporter. I better shut up or you will never get another hat to fit. But I must say I am duly impressed and am tickled to spend one of my hard to get six-star ratings on such a well-done piece.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Peacock proud, cain't git any more prouder then thet, now kin ya? I'ma practicin'.
At Setting, 5th sentence: SUGGEST insert (of) between (kind) and (stew)
4th Fanny, 5th Sentence: I can make my way through most of Fanny's dialect, it's close enough to regular speaking that the words show through, but this one ('venurin') has me stumped. Is it Fanny Speak for adventuring? If so, maybe you could add a little to it. The conversation sounds as though it could be.
4th Fanny, 5th sentence: Also, the Fanny term (o') how does that fit in between (fool) and (knowed)?
8th Fanny, 1st Sentence: SHOULD (sisternly) be (sisterly). Now far be it from me to dictate, I mean I never even made it through Fanny Speak 101, but to say this word, the way it is written, reminds me of a cistern, not really pleasant.
9th Reporter, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (So)
11th Fanny, 3rd sentence and several other places, you use ('acause) here for Fanny Speak but later at 22nd Fanny, 4th Sentence, you use ('cause). I THINK ('cause) works better. At any rate you should make the usage consistent.
16th Reporter, 5th sentence: (grow it in) should be (grow in) remove duplicate (it)
Oh, my Gawd. You are gonna make me spend my third six-star this early in the week aren't you. This is not only a remarkable story with a twisted ending but a literary achievement with all the Fanny Speak. My only regret is I was not on board from the beginning. When and if time permits, I will look up the rest of Fanny's story on your portfolio and have fun with it.
I am extremely impressed at what you have pulled off here. This story belongs on film. I want to see Fanny dealing with that reporter. I better shut up or you will never get another hat to fit. But I must say I am duly impressed and am tickled to spend one of my hard to get six-star ratings on such a well-done piece.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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You leave me in awe that you'd give me a six with all your suggested corrections. I'm moved by that. Thank you. I think you'll enjoy the two (dang, I'm afraid, three) epilogue scenes. They really tie things together. The first will be next week.
Again, my dear friend, thank you for your support.
Yes, it is "Adventuring". And, yes, I realized the problem with sisternly, but it's how my grandma would have said it (based on my 70 year-old memory of her dialect). But like you, sisternly does leave a bad taste (yuk!) in one's mouth. I may have to re-think that.
Dang git, you're good!
Comment from lancellot
Another well written act. I am not sure with the detail or descriptive stage direction, but I assume that is for the actor and not the audience or in this case reader.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Another well written act. I am not sure with the detail or descriptive stage direction, but I assume that is for the actor and not the audience or in this case reader.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Yeah, Lance, this is a hybrid thing. I realize the inclusion of what --in a novel -- would be called author intrusion in the stage direction. At least Fanny's voice has been silenced. Oddly some say they'll miss it.
Thank you for weighing in, Lance. I appreciate your honesty.