The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 16"America's First Female Comic
27 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Good script writing. Not much narration. Long scene, but good. Good dialogue and story coming along... Good installment. Keep up the nice work. Have a great week :)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Good script writing. Not much narration. Long scene, but good. Good dialogue and story coming along... Good installment. Keep up the nice work. Have a great week :)
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I have pasted a very LOUD, though very SINCERE, thank you to replace the long and personal reply to your and 9 other compelling reviews that I had patiently (and I felt thoughtfully), completed all in a row, only to have them evaporate in the ether-web when I pushed a button other than complete! It's either paste this inane excuse or throw my computer through the sliding-glass door of my office and then borrow my son's computer to send in my resignation to FanStory. I was that frustrated.
Comment from TheWriteTeach
It appeared this chapter was well into the book, and quite a lot about Fanny was already revealed to the reader. I jumped in and started reading, knowing I'd be at a loss. However, I didn't feel completely in the dark about past events as I expected. I really did enjoy this installment. You pulled me in, almost immediately, and I couldn't read it fast enough to learn what was said next. Everything you wrote directly pertained to the story, with no digressions. You also, quite effectively, told the reader everything they needed to know about this chapter beforehand. You told us the characters we would see in this chapter. Characters NOT in this chapter, but who we needed to know about were effectively addressed in the dialogue. You set the stage (no pun intended) for any/all needed descriptive surroundings with effective language in the 'settings' section. You may think it odd that I mention such trivial things, but many times an author will go overboard by listing every single character who was ever mentioned in previous chapters, even though they no longer bore a part in the current chapter. The same applies for excessiveness in descriptive settings. I also applaud your ability to not use a surplus of verbiage. You said exactly what you intended in as few words as required to get your point across. As a seasoned writer, you well know that excessive verbiage can, and will, bore the reader, causing a loss of interest. I applaud you for your ability to keep the reader engaged, and on track, from the first sentence straight through to the last word. Even though I do not have direct knowledge of previous chapters, your ability as a writer gave me a good sense of other characters, the events that took place, the characters' purpose, and more. It takes an exceptional writer to successfully accomplish all these things. I was impressed with your ability to embrace, and successfully write without fail, Fanny's horrid dialect. I feel this piece was exceptionally well written and will, without hesitation, give you six stars for all your efforts, and accomplishments, in this chapter. Wonderful writing.
Suz
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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It appeared this chapter was well into the book, and quite a lot about Fanny was already revealed to the reader. I jumped in and started reading, knowing I'd be at a loss. However, I didn't feel completely in the dark about past events as I expected. I really did enjoy this installment. You pulled me in, almost immediately, and I couldn't read it fast enough to learn what was said next. Everything you wrote directly pertained to the story, with no digressions. You also, quite effectively, told the reader everything they needed to know about this chapter beforehand. You told us the characters we would see in this chapter. Characters NOT in this chapter, but who we needed to know about were effectively addressed in the dialogue. You set the stage (no pun intended) for any/all needed descriptive surroundings with effective language in the 'settings' section. You may think it odd that I mention such trivial things, but many times an author will go overboard by listing every single character who was ever mentioned in previous chapters, even though they no longer bore a part in the current chapter. The same applies for excessiveness in descriptive settings. I also applaud your ability to not use a surplus of verbiage. You said exactly what you intended in as few words as required to get your point across. As a seasoned writer, you well know that excessive verbiage can, and will, bore the reader, causing a loss of interest. I applaud you for your ability to keep the reader engaged, and on track, from the first sentence straight through to the last word. Even though I do not have direct knowledge of previous chapters, your ability as a writer gave me a good sense of other characters, the events that took place, the characters' purpose, and more. It takes an exceptional writer to successfully accomplish all these things. I was impressed with your ability to embrace, and successfully write without fail, Fanny's horrid dialect. I feel this piece was exceptionally well written and will, without hesitation, give you six stars for all your efforts, and accomplishments, in this chapter. Wonderful writing.
Suz
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Suz, bless you first of all for reading and reviewing this, even though it was for only 2 cents. You single-handedly pushed Fanny over the top into ATB and it will now be rated for the month. If it's judged the best play for the month, I will be awarded 25 member bucks, which will provide me the ability to promote the next scene. More than that, I'm thrilled you found it compelling to read. That means a lot to me. This follows the format for a stage play, not a novel, which is why I numbered the characters in that scene. Usually, there are only the two characters, but occasionally, someone from the street comes onto Fanny's porch, making the third. Far too much has gone on to try to summarize the entire play, but I was thrilled that you got to taste it.
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I understand why/what you did with the character listing. I was trying to make the point (and I think I failed! LOL) that you did it right but many don't. It really was a pleasure to read your work. You know your stuff and it shows. I laughed when you mentioned it was only worth 2 cents, b/c I never even looked! I just told Lee (Humpwhistle) I'm not the kind of person who reviews just to grab the money, leave five stars, and write "Great story." What kind of review is that?
Comment from tfawcus
Late reviewing this as I've been suffering the aftereffects of Covid and plunged into lethargy. Now, thankfully, after the best part of a month, I'm coming back to the surface.
You've slipped into an effective way of making some of Fanny's language more accessible by having Robert elucidate the more obscure idioms.
However, I couldn't make head nor tail of GAO [FANNY:
(Using her frail arms to push her weight off her chair)
GAO ....]. Had it been GOA, I'd have hazarded a guess at Get off my arse.
I could sit listening to the repartee between these two for hours, assuming a short intermission for natural relief, of course! Fanny is a character who lives in the mind and will continue to do so long after the final curtain falls.
Once again - bravo!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Late reviewing this as I've been suffering the aftereffects of Covid and plunged into lethargy. Now, thankfully, after the best part of a month, I'm coming back to the surface.
You've slipped into an effective way of making some of Fanny's language more accessible by having Robert elucidate the more obscure idioms.
However, I couldn't make head nor tail of GAO [FANNY:
(Using her frail arms to push her weight off her chair)
GAO ....]. Had it been GOA, I'd have hazarded a guess at Get off my arse.
I could sit listening to the repartee between these two for hours, assuming a short intermission for natural relief, of course! Fanny is a character who lives in the mind and will continue to do so long after the final curtain falls.
Once again - bravo!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you, multiple times, Tony! Gao ...! Could have been anything. And perhaps I should have gone only with description of what I tried to develop as an onset to a stroke, or fakery, as she confessed to a moment later. I want the reader (audience) to feel her age, her weariness, but also, her theatricality ... and not really be certain what's happening. I definitely didn't want the GOA to slip in as a possiblity (Though I wasn't familiar with that before). That takes me right to the theme of last night's post, and revising an in-progress serial.
It's so good to have you back, Tony! How is your wife feeling?
Jay
Comment from Jasmine Girl
When you started talking about the colorful life of Isabella Baumfree, it perked my interests. But I forgot who Isabella Baumfree was. It's all about whether Juni was innocent or not.
Well done and good luck to win the Script of the Month.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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When you started talking about the colorful life of Isabella Baumfree, it perked my interests. But I forgot who Isabella Baumfree was. It's all about whether Juni was innocent or not.
Well done and good luck to win the Script of the Month.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much for the well wishes for the Script of the Month award. I always get out of the gate fast, then peter out toward the finish line. LOL, Thanks for reading this, Jasmine. Two more and I get my ATB and monthly ranking. You're a doll!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You have not let me down. The one thing I'ma bit confused about was the scene where Fanny 'fakes ' getting out of her chair and the reporter's reaction & Fanny's explanation. Was she talking about the actual cues in this play? Could you explain?
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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You have not let me down. The one thing I'ma bit confused about was the scene where Fanny 'fakes ' getting out of her chair and the reporter's reaction & Fanny's explanation. Was she talking about the actual cues in this play? Could you explain?
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Well, I was hoping Fanny's words wouldn't be taken by the reader on face value. I don't want to spoil anything, by being too specific, but I've gotten lots of reader comments about "hoping Fanny isn't going to die, or have a heart attack, or stroke." All these clues, added together (like her lapse of memory a few scenes back over the wedding she had attended) point the reader in the direction (or indirection) I want him/her to arrive at. With apologies to that clunker of a sentence.
Thank you, as usual, for your loyalty to this play. I'm trying so hard to finish it off.
Jay
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I was right ...she actually faked not getting up. Thank you for the reinforcement & clarification. It's exciting that you're eliciting your desired response.
Comment from Fleedleflump
This is the nature or characters and the tales we tell of them - they find ways to wrong-foot us, and they make decisions we can't countermand. All we can do is adapt, and adapt you have, seeing what needs to be before it's too late. This is compelling, and absolutely deserves to be done justice.
Mike
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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This is the nature or characters and the tales we tell of them - they find ways to wrong-foot us, and they make decisions we can't countermand. All we can do is adapt, and adapt you have, seeing what needs to be before it's too late. This is compelling, and absolutely deserves to be done justice.
Mike
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Mike for your understanding heart!
Comment from bob cullen
Brilliant, but often hard to read taking the accents into account. This really is creative writing. I'm really envious. Can't wait to read more.
Is the script completed yet.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Brilliant, but often hard to read taking the accents into account. This really is creative writing. I'm really envious. Can't wait to read more.
Is the script completed yet.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Bob, so good to hear from you ... OMG ... and receive the vaunted six star rating. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, even though you struggled through it. I can't apologize for her dialect, but I believe if you read her words aloud you will have less trouble. Thank you so much. There are ... perhaps ... two scenes left. It's kinda yeasty. It just keeps growing.
I hope you take a few minutes to write a short prose piece. I've read your work before, so I know you are gifted in that area. I'm sorry, but I'm just not able to do a poetry review justice ... that is, to do justice to the poem I review.
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Well, Jay, I hope Fanny doesn't die before the end of the play. It will mean that the interview with the reporter may have been too much for her to bear, with Juni dying and all. But it would explain Juni's quiet appearance in the rocking chair in the background. A ghost has come to collect her and guide her home.
I don't understand Peter's role in the play yet. Perhaps the next scene will give me focus. But I do understand that Aunt Pikki's inside information might not have been enough to instill that same desire for reckoning that Lizabeth had. There must have been more to it that transformed Juni into a murderer.
Now, I want you to stop feeling guilty about the length of this play. The train whistle will blow soon enough, letting the reporter know he has to say his goodbyes real quick-like. Fanny won't see him leave until he knows everything. This play is important. It has a lot to say about how the blacks were treated back in those days. It condemns the Ku Klux Klan and all white supremacists of today. The good Lord will not let them go unpunished for what they've done. Judgement Day is coming, and it's all in the books... names, dates, murderers. The end will come ... eventually, and not before. I just hope you publish it, and it's made into a movie.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Well, Jay, I hope Fanny doesn't die before the end of the play. It will mean that the interview with the reporter may have been too much for her to bear, with Juni dying and all. But it would explain Juni's quiet appearance in the rocking chair in the background. A ghost has come to collect her and guide her home.
I don't understand Peter's role in the play yet. Perhaps the next scene will give me focus. But I do understand that Aunt Pikki's inside information might not have been enough to instill that same desire for reckoning that Lizabeth had. There must have been more to it that transformed Juni into a murderer.
Now, I want you to stop feeling guilty about the length of this play. The train whistle will blow soon enough, letting the reporter know he has to say his goodbyes real quick-like. Fanny won't see him leave until he knows everything. This play is important. It has a lot to say about how the blacks were treated back in those days. It condemns the Ku Klux Klan and all white supremacists of today. The good Lord will not let them go unpunished for what they've done. Judgement Day is coming, and it's all in the books... names, dates, murderers. The end will come ... eventually, and not before. I just hope you publish it, and it's made into a movie.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I don't know how you can be so kind and supportive, Kimbob. But I accept it with a world of humbles down around my feet. Thank you, my friend for that and the six wonderful stars.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is cheating, Jay! It's not fair to put the blame on one of your characters, lol.
Poor Fanny, like the reporter, I thought something was wrong with her. When he told her that there was not such a person named Aint Pikki, and she explained that she was most likely got that nickname because she 'picked her nose' or something like that. I thought that was a brilliant explanation, because that actually happened. Like ginger coloured hair on boys, they were called carrot tops! This was another excellent chapter, my friend, and I'm already looking forward to the next part. :)) Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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That is cheating, Jay! It's not fair to put the blame on one of your characters, lol.
Poor Fanny, like the reporter, I thought something was wrong with her. When he told her that there was not such a person named Aint Pikki, and she explained that she was most likely got that nickname because she 'picked her nose' or something like that. I thought that was a brilliant explanation, because that actually happened. Like ginger coloured hair on boys, they were called carrot tops! This was another excellent chapter, my friend, and I'm already looking forward to the next part. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Wonderful, wonderful ... And you and I's neck 'n neck in the book o' the month. Go figure. Sandra, thanks for your kindness and the six stars. You are da bomb!
Jay
Comment from Judy Lawless
I for one am delighted to know there will be more to this, Jay. This chapter is excellent, and the bit with Fanny almost fainting made me think she was going to die in the end, but I'm glad she didn't. What was revealed afterward added more depth and intrigue to the story. I'm glad I'm home now, and might get caught up with others before you post the next scene. :)
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I for one am delighted to know there will be more to this, Jay. This chapter is excellent, and the bit with Fanny almost fainting made me think she was going to die in the end, but I'm glad she didn't. What was revealed afterward added more depth and intrigue to the story. I'm glad I'm home now, and might get caught up with others before you post the next scene. :)
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Well, I'll let you know right now that the next scene won't post on Saturday. This one was supposed to be held back one week, too, but it posted before I even had a chance to run it through the final edit. One more week will give me a chance to earn "money" enough to promote it. Meanwhile, thank you so much for the six stars. You are one of my most loyal followers. It means a lot!
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You are most welcome, Jay.