The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 14"America's First Female Comic
21 total reviews
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 08-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
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I'm humbled and delighted. Thank you august committee!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Another good instalment here. The reporter's frustration comes across well here as does Fanny's with him. It's rolling along nicely.
one at th' bottom o' Missoura - in the previous instalment I think Missoura is spelt differently - to a purty little town in Farmington Missuruh, - or I may be completely mucking up two different places. lol
at some point? what lay behind it?- not sure but these may need capitalised following the ?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Hi Jay,
Another good instalment here. The reporter's frustration comes across well here as does Fanny's with him. It's rolling along nicely.
one at th' bottom o' Missoura - in the previous instalment I think Missoura is spelt differently - to a purty little town in Farmington Missuruh, - or I may be completely mucking up two different places. lol
at some point? what lay behind it?- not sure but these may need capitalised following the ?
All the best
G
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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No, you're not mucking things up, G. It should be Missuruh. It's hard to be consistent since there's no guideline. Sometimes spellings change because of placement within the sentence (the vowel or consonant prior to or following the word, but not in this case. Thank you, Friend!
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I don't usually read scripts but I am glad that I didn't skip
this one.
I have not read the other scenes, but if they're like this one
I will take a look.
The dialogue is strikingly authentic and has a natural flow.
The slang rounds out the characters and allowed me to
connect to them very quickly.
The sensory details are excellent! Your writing painted a
vivid Image for me to see which enhanced my experience.
I appreciate the recap and character descriptions.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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I don't usually read scripts but I am glad that I didn't skip
this one.
I have not read the other scenes, but if they're like this one
I will take a look.
The dialogue is strikingly authentic and has a natural flow.
The slang rounds out the characters and allowed me to
connect to them very quickly.
The sensory details are excellent! Your writing painted a
vivid Image for me to see which enhanced my experience.
I appreciate the recap and character descriptions.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Oh, K.L., I'm so happy you got to read this one. It's a little too deep into the play to understand the thrust of the storyline. But it's very uplifting to have you say such kind words about a genre you're not into. I hope to see you next time.
Comment from Judy Lawless
As always, Jay, the writing of this story with the quaint accents, draws me right in as if I were there observing from some corner. Both the reporter and Fanny often get impatient with each other, and I feel that. The last line, leaving us with another question, will of course bring me back. Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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As always, Jay, the writing of this story with the quaint accents, draws me right in as if I were there observing from some corner. Both the reporter and Fanny often get impatient with each other, and I feel that. The last line, leaving us with another question, will of course bring me back. Excellent writing.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2022
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Dang git, Judy ... a six! What a way to start out this morning! You make me feel like a regular pied piper. Really, though, I'm his twin brother who waits in horror for the gang of you to conspire and fall upon me shouting, "Dude cain't sing! Dude cain't sing! But I guess we're all a bit like that, aren't we?
Jay
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Ha, ha! It deserved it, Jay. :)
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is fantastic storytelling, first on your part as the author, and then on the part of Fanny. She's been telling this story for fourteen chapters, and still has more to tell. She is like many older people...glad to have someone interested in the things they've experienced during their lifetime. Fanny has not only held Robert captive, she has me on the end of my chair, hanging on. I 've tried, but can't guess what's going to happen next. I'm enjoying the suspense, and will see you in the next episode.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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This is fantastic storytelling, first on your part as the author, and then on the part of Fanny. She's been telling this story for fourteen chapters, and still has more to tell. She is like many older people...glad to have someone interested in the things they've experienced during their lifetime. Fanny has not only held Robert captive, she has me on the end of my chair, hanging on. I 've tried, but can't guess what's going to happen next. I'm enjoying the suspense, and will see you in the next episode.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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You are so supportive, Lorraine. Thank you for continuing to read my offering. There should be only two more scenes remaining and I do believe Fanny has a few more surprises along with a handkerchief up her sleeve.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
One of Miss Fanny's wonderful similes and metaphors. This is one of my favorites. So regional: "theys a whole string o' Xs, each no bigger'n a housefly" Now ya got the reader a wondrin' : "I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o' them telegrams her Pinkerton man'd sent her." My friend &I who carpooled to the 'appalachian-like' populated school, laughed at ourselves as we found ourselves talkin' like our students and their parents. I don't remember what the dialectal expression or non standard English grammar we messed up on but it was hilarious: "But you knowed--
(Chuckling, reddening)
um ... sorry ... " It becomes contagious.
I love how she scolds him: "To press it on y'alls brain. Say't out loud, young man."
I love this phrase: "what whipped her back an' forth 'crost time." Great ending. I jus hef to give this a A+
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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One of Miss Fanny's wonderful similes and metaphors. This is one of my favorites. So regional: "theys a whole string o' Xs, each no bigger'n a housefly" Now ya got the reader a wondrin' : "I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o' them telegrams her Pinkerton man'd sent her." My friend &I who carpooled to the 'appalachian-like' populated school, laughed at ourselves as we found ourselves talkin' like our students and their parents. I don't remember what the dialectal expression or non standard English grammar we messed up on but it was hilarious: "But you knowed--
(Chuckling, reddening)
um ... sorry ... " It becomes contagious.
I love how she scolds him: "To press it on y'alls brain. Say't out loud, young man."
I love this phrase: "what whipped her back an' forth 'crost time." Great ending. I jus hef to give this a A+
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Liz, your responses, especially your humor in expressing them keeps me going. Fanny's language is tiring me out, I must say. I'm looking forward to putting a wrap on it in (don't hold me to it) two more scenes. She still has a few more secrets to reveal. Your A+ makes me grin, then giggle like a teenager.
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***giggling with you***
Comment from Father Flaps
Good Morning, Jay
Here's the way I'm looking at it... Fanny is a story teller. She gets on that stage and performs. She's been at it for over forty years, and she enjoys it. She's what they call an "orator". And she's giving Robert his money's worth.
If you ever send this play off to a publisher, and it gets printed; and if someone with an ounce of sense decides to turn it into a movie, those people who watch it at the theater will also get their money's worth. It's like a baby holding back from being born. My own granddaughter, Isla, was like that, causing her mother such pain during childbirth. She eventually was delivered by way of suction that caused her head to be a bit out of shape for a spell. Another thought... I've been dealing with a toothache since Thursday. I've taken around 32 Advil or Tylenol tablets, alternating them (of course) over these past few days, and still waiting for a call from the dentist. How long will I have to wait for relief?
I guess what I'm trying to say, Jay, is that you have a knack for building up a story to its eventual climax. We're kept in suspense. The audience, your readers, are captives.
The ticking clock is always there. The reporter is glancing at his watch, and knows time is running out.
Here I thought that Lizabeth instilled her plot to kill Thurston with her daughter, but now we know she couldn't. Lizabeth had at least two strokes, and likely more mini-strokes, to leave her quite unable to transfer her revenge to Juni. But the big question remains, if her mother didn't, who did plant that seed of reckoning? ... Fanny?
You know, I'm just thinking out loud here. Lizabeth must have had a fierce desire for revenge against Thurston Flourney. She was physically unable to carry out the task herself, or even enlist Juni for the job, because of her strokes. Yet, that desire was still in her eyes. Fanny saw it... "She kept thet hate in the hard flint o' her eyes--them rattlesnake eyes--to the day she died." Lizabeth was locked up inside, and Juni was too young to understand. But Fanny was older, and starting to put two and two together... "I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o' them telegrams her Pinkerton man'd sent her. Twixt all them stops ya sees on telegrams, theys a TF an' then theys a city an' a state."
It's winding down now, Jay. The train is almost ready to leave the station. The audience is on the edge of their seats. This is Fanny's greatest performance in 44 years! And I'm picturing a shadow in the mist.
Nicely penned, Jay! Yer the best. After I've read the scene, I'm starting to talk like Fanny! It must be brutal to write that southern drawl.
Looking forward to the next scene, buddy!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Good Morning, Jay
Here's the way I'm looking at it... Fanny is a story teller. She gets on that stage and performs. She's been at it for over forty years, and she enjoys it. She's what they call an "orator". And she's giving Robert his money's worth.
If you ever send this play off to a publisher, and it gets printed; and if someone with an ounce of sense decides to turn it into a movie, those people who watch it at the theater will also get their money's worth. It's like a baby holding back from being born. My own granddaughter, Isla, was like that, causing her mother such pain during childbirth. She eventually was delivered by way of suction that caused her head to be a bit out of shape for a spell. Another thought... I've been dealing with a toothache since Thursday. I've taken around 32 Advil or Tylenol tablets, alternating them (of course) over these past few days, and still waiting for a call from the dentist. How long will I have to wait for relief?
I guess what I'm trying to say, Jay, is that you have a knack for building up a story to its eventual climax. We're kept in suspense. The audience, your readers, are captives.
The ticking clock is always there. The reporter is glancing at his watch, and knows time is running out.
Here I thought that Lizabeth instilled her plot to kill Thurston with her daughter, but now we know she couldn't. Lizabeth had at least two strokes, and likely more mini-strokes, to leave her quite unable to transfer her revenge to Juni. But the big question remains, if her mother didn't, who did plant that seed of reckoning? ... Fanny?
You know, I'm just thinking out loud here. Lizabeth must have had a fierce desire for revenge against Thurston Flourney. She was physically unable to carry out the task herself, or even enlist Juni for the job, because of her strokes. Yet, that desire was still in her eyes. Fanny saw it... "She kept thet hate in the hard flint o' her eyes--them rattlesnake eyes--to the day she died." Lizabeth was locked up inside, and Juni was too young to understand. But Fanny was older, and starting to put two and two together... "I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o' them telegrams her Pinkerton man'd sent her. Twixt all them stops ya sees on telegrams, theys a TF an' then theys a city an' a state."
It's winding down now, Jay. The train is almost ready to leave the station. The audience is on the edge of their seats. This is Fanny's greatest performance in 44 years! And I'm picturing a shadow in the mist.
Nicely penned, Jay! Yer the best. After I've read the scene, I'm starting to talk like Fanny! It must be brutal to write that southern drawl.
Looking forward to the next scene, buddy!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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You keep that "shadow in the mist" foremost in your mind. I do listen to you, young man! But yes it is rather tiring to climb into Fanny's dialectic garb each day. I'll be happy to bring it to a close (with an epilogic raising of the curtain one last time after the final one drops... but before the audience has time to leave the theater.
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Nobody will move... we're all glued to our seats!
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I think Juni figured must have figured a lot of it by herself. But maybe Miss Fanny told her as she had a better understanding and was older. What a legacy - to pass on revenge for a child to carry out. I liked your reference to the Pinkertons and putting that into the historical context.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Well, I think Juni figured must have figured a lot of it by herself. But maybe Miss Fanny told her as she had a better understanding and was older. What a legacy - to pass on revenge for a child to carry out. I liked your reference to the Pinkertons and putting that into the historical context.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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About the Pinkertons, I do believe there was a short-lived tv series, or a b-rated movie, about the rise of the Pinkertons twenty or thirty years ago. If I'm wrong, then there should be.
Thanks, Helen, for stopping by and for your kind words.
By the way, do you know what name I was saddled with during my formative years (through my freshmen year of high school ... when I changed it): It was Junie. It always embarrassed me. But when I attended my 50-year reunion everyone called me Junie. When I changed it to Jay, it almost broke my Mother's heart. She'd always said she regretted naming me George (Jr.) on my birth certificate. She and my Dad informally called me Junie after the man they both loved and respected.
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Thanks for sharing that story! I'd have changed it, too! My friend's father's name was Ashleigh and of course, he went by Ash. Lol.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Great cliffhanger. Although the reader probably has a good guess who that somebody was. I notice later in this part you use the word "was" but earlier you use "'as" which is hard to read. My Missouri relatives use "was" very slowly but still get in the "w". Really enjoyed this part.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Great cliffhanger. Although the reader probably has a good guess who that somebody was. I notice later in this part you use the word "was" but earlier you use "'as" which is hard to read. My Missouri relatives use "was" very slowly but still get in the "w". Really enjoyed this part.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thanks for pointing out the "as" for "was". The voice I listen to in my head for authenticity was my Missouri Grandma's, 70 years dead, now, and recorded by an 8 to 10-year-old towheaded boy, and filtered now through an 82-year-old brain. So, it is bound to be rife with inconsistencies. At one time, I tried to go back and clean them up ... but as the play winds down, I can only thank good, conscientious people like you for pointing them out to me. If I ever did decide to send this to market, I'd of course, struggle through all the inconsistencies (as well as cut off about 150 pounds of flab).
Thank you so much, Carol for stopping by and reading. Your reviewing skills are always an asset to me!
Jay
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Thank you so much for writing such interesting work.
Comment from judiverse
Interesting material, and Fanny is quite a character. She insists on telling her story in her own way. Don't let her get away with that! I think to avoid being overly long you may have to condense some of her speeches so things won't sound repetitious. If this were staged, hopefully they would choose an actress who's at least over 60, so think of the wear and tear on the actress, too. She has no break during the whole show. I'm guessing that Fanny was the one who told Juniper about what her mother was planning. Too bad that Elizabeth suffered that stroke. judi
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Interesting material, and Fanny is quite a character. She insists on telling her story in her own way. Don't let her get away with that! I think to avoid being overly long you may have to condense some of her speeches so things won't sound repetitious. If this were staged, hopefully they would choose an actress who's at least over 60, so think of the wear and tear on the actress, too. She has no break during the whole show. I'm guessing that Fanny was the one who told Juniper about what her mother was planning. Too bad that Elizabeth suffered that stroke. judi
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Absolutely, about the weight loss program this play needs to be enrolled in. I am just now trying to rein it in toward an ending (to mix weird metaphors). I can't suddenly make Fanny taciturn. No, if we are to believe Fanny, she didn't know much more than Juniper did about any murder plot ... only that Elizabeth had an unusual obsession with the whereabouts of Thurston Flourney (Dang, I love that name!). It will all come out next scene ... and yes, you will probably wonder why Fanny had withheld the information from Robert for so long.
Again, Judi, thank you for weighing in on this. I find your comments valuable.