The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #5"America's First Female Comic
33 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
It's very clear now about why Juniper was jailed, but not as clear why Fanny's stories are so popular, if that's what she does. I'm mostly sure as you connected her to Will Rogers. I missed the show, along with the rest of the readers. I wonder if we will hear one eventually.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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It's very clear now about why Juniper was jailed, but not as clear why Fanny's stories are so popular, if that's what she does. I'm mostly sure as you connected her to Will Rogers. I missed the show, along with the rest of the readers. I wonder if we will hear one eventually.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Oh, I answered this earlier and perhaps failed to push send. Anyway, there was a "lost chapter" of Fanny's show. It took me several weeks to write it and I ended up jettisoning it as being a distraction to the forward movement of a largely retrospective development of the plot.
Comment from Sally Law
Magnificent writing, dear Jay. This was your best, I think. The term "grippe" is something my mother used to describe "the runs" or more culturally appropriate, "the back door trots", as she grew up with no indoor plumbing. I see we have a murder confession here as the script takes a turn.
I'm on for good. :))
Sending you my best today and six belated stars,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Magnificent writing, dear Jay. This was your best, I think. The term "grippe" is something my mother used to describe "the runs" or more culturally appropriate, "the back door trots", as she grew up with no indoor plumbing. I see we have a murder confession here as the script takes a turn.
I'm on for good. :))
Sending you my best today and six belated stars,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I'm glad you feel this was my best, Sally. From the standpoint of having multiple characters witnessing the scene and Fanny processing it and her comparison with what she felt as she was in her comedy routine when she heard the bip - bip - bips. To me, it gave the play a layered feeling. I am moved by your six stars, Sally.
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An absolute pleasure. Blessings for your week,
Sal XOs
Comment from Father Flaps
Terrific writing, Jay! The longer you cook this play, the thicker it gets... like oatmeal porridge! I have to admit, though. I'm a bit confused. Two Junipers now? Suddenly there's this widow Juniper Brown who's selling cattle at 1/4 of the price just because she's a cripple and can't care for 10,000 cows! That's a heck of a lot of cattle. Counting me, there's 10,001 bovines.
"...but lookin' outta her rattlesnake eyes. A blanket--it covers her lap an' on the unnerside o' the blanket her finger be on the trigger of her Li'l Missy--her derringer." ... (the only one I know who wants to kill Thurston Flourney is Fanny's companion, Juniper. Can she be posing as the Widow Brown? Or are they two separate women? I'm mixed up. I'll have to read it again, I think. But it seems that the widow is Fanny's Juniper. Why didn't she stop her friend? If there are witnesses, she'll go to prison for sure! (Then, of course, she did. And Fanny lost her friend. But I guess she knew that Juniper craved justice for her father's murder. She knew her friend needed that closure. An eye for an eye.)
But nobody would know Fanny was an accomplice... unless the reporter prints it. Uh-oh!
Fabulous story, Jay! Keep up the good work.
Is Juniper still there as a ghost? just wondering~
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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Terrific writing, Jay! The longer you cook this play, the thicker it gets... like oatmeal porridge! I have to admit, though. I'm a bit confused. Two Junipers now? Suddenly there's this widow Juniper Brown who's selling cattle at 1/4 of the price just because she's a cripple and can't care for 10,000 cows! That's a heck of a lot of cattle. Counting me, there's 10,001 bovines.
"...but lookin' outta her rattlesnake eyes. A blanket--it covers her lap an' on the unnerside o' the blanket her finger be on the trigger of her Li'l Missy--her derringer." ... (the only one I know who wants to kill Thurston Flourney is Fanny's companion, Juniper. Can she be posing as the Widow Brown? Or are they two separate women? I'm mixed up. I'll have to read it again, I think. But it seems that the widow is Fanny's Juniper. Why didn't she stop her friend? If there are witnesses, she'll go to prison for sure! (Then, of course, she did. And Fanny lost her friend. But I guess she knew that Juniper craved justice for her father's murder. She knew her friend needed that closure. An eye for an eye.)
But nobody would know Fanny was an accomplice... unless the reporter prints it. Uh-oh!
Fabulous story, Jay! Keep up the good work.
Is Juniper still there as a ghost? just wondering~
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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First of all, Juniper isn't there as a ghost. That was bad writing in the initial several scenes. As far as widow Juniper Brown, that was invented by Juniper as a way to lure Thurston Flourney into Brady where she could confront him in front of witnesses. I need to go back and check that out. You are a very close reader and if it confuses you it probably confused many who wouldn't bother to mention it. I'm hoping the next scene will bring her motives into clear perspective. I'm learning more and more what not to do in a play at my level of ability. One is getting heavily into dialect. Once there, you cannot back off without it seeming odd. The other difficulty was not thinking through having Juniper as an actual character. She was there, but not there; a ghost but not really a ghost. I really liked scene four (I believe it was four) where she appeared at Fanny's feet and behind her, massaging her shoulders. She was, by my design, a ghost there because she had died the night before in prison. It's like she was preparing Fanny for the bad news she would be getting by telegram.
Thank you, Kimbob, for always being here for me and keeping me honest. Of course, the six is always a treat.
Jay
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Hi Jay, I was sure that Juniper was a ghost.
Don't blame yourself for the confusion, though, on the part of the reader. Each scene you write and post is separated by at least seven days. Between 2 chapters... 14 days! It's difficult to remember (sometimes) what has taken place. I run into the same thing with Sally Law's chapters, but she always has a "catch-up" before the new chapter begins. So the reader is somewhat up-to-date.
Don't second guess your ability, Jay... you're right up there with the best!
Keep on truckin' down that highway!
Cheers
Kimbob
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Speaking of Sally... Have you read the stuff of SallyO? She is a consummate artist. She rarely promotes. But I will read her voraciously for a two-penny reward. So much to learn from her.
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I'll have to check her out, Jay. Thanks!
Comment from lyenochka
That's true - she knew all along and that means Miss Fanny was an accessory to what Juniper did. But I guess she sympathized. I wonder how she escaped the jail sentence...
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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That's true - she knew all along and that means Miss Fanny was an accessory to what Juniper did. But I guess she sympathized. I wonder how she escaped the jail sentence...
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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How she escaped jail sentence will figure into the next scene. Thanks for weighing in on this, Helen. And before I forget it, congrats on the Story of the Month win.
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Thank you, Jay! Sorry for slow replies and reviews as I'm still with my parents.
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Thank you, Jay! Sorry for slow replies and reviews as I'm still with my parents.
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Oh, don't give it another thought, Helen.
Comment from amahra
OMG! Fanny is a trip. She knew--and she's an accessory to a crime? What a gal you've invented here, Jay. Wow! LOL! Before I read that part, I had an opinion about Miss Fanny. I felt she was playing a little game of cat and mouse with the reporter. She'd let him struggle to get information out of her, and she would let it slip out a little at a time. But now, she blurts it out...stunning this poor reporter who now doesn't know what to do with this newest information of an accessory to murder confession. LOL Great stuff, Jay.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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OMG! Fanny is a trip. She knew--and she's an accessory to a crime? What a gal you've invented here, Jay. Wow! LOL! Before I read that part, I had an opinion about Miss Fanny. I felt she was playing a little game of cat and mouse with the reporter. She'd let him struggle to get information out of her, and she would let it slip out a little at a time. But now, she blurts it out...stunning this poor reporter who now doesn't know what to do with this newest information of an accessory to murder confession. LOL Great stuff, Jay.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Amahra, this has to be one of the very best reviews of the Fanny play that I've read. Thank you so much, my dear! Your six stars makes this old dude smile!
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Can't wait to read more. The dialogue is interesting with the effort to reproduce the accent. Does Miss Fanny have a Texas twang or was she born somewhere in the south and migrated to Texas. There are so many subtleties in regional language, I wonder how you make sure that it rings as true as yours does? Do you read your dialogue aloud to see if it sounds right? I need to go back and read Act I, I jumped into this without all the backstory and now I am curious about so many things. What kind of performing does Fanny do? Wasn't too much stage direction or scene setting, are you leaving that to the director or could there be more added in later? This was a good read, left me wanting more and I wish I could see it when it is staged.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Can't wait to read more. The dialogue is interesting with the effort to reproduce the accent. Does Miss Fanny have a Texas twang or was she born somewhere in the south and migrated to Texas. There are so many subtleties in regional language, I wonder how you make sure that it rings as true as yours does? Do you read your dialogue aloud to see if it sounds right? I need to go back and read Act I, I jumped into this without all the backstory and now I am curious about so many things. What kind of performing does Fanny do? Wasn't too much stage direction or scene setting, are you leaving that to the director or could there be more added in later? This was a good read, left me wanting more and I wish I could see it when it is staged.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Olivanne, thank you for taking a chance with this one. It takes me so long to carve out every nuance of Fanny's dialect. It's from my memories of my Grandma who was born/raised in Missouri and with whom I spent a good deal of time talking and absorbing her speech patterns as only a child can. That was after she migrated to California at the turn of the century. Odd that you should menton my "under-directing" my play. I'm often, very often, criticized by playwrights that I "over-direct" and I answer them saying that I have no intention of having my play acted out and thus allow my stage directions to show more character motivation than a stage director would like. At any rate, Olivanne (I love that name, by the way), I hope to have you return to my subsequent scenes, but don't advise you to read the previous ones ... just the summaries of the previous scenes. Just come back! I would be honored by that.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I really like Fanny, there's no pretence about her. She says it as she sees it. There was abviously a very good reason why she didn't attempt to stop Juniper from shooting Thurston Flourney. Juniper being a widow had to have something to do with it. This is such a well written story, I can't help but be caught up in the drama, your writing is so believeable! What is the reporter going to do with this confession from Fanny, now he know that she was an accessory to murder? It is one, isn't it? But I can't see anyone witnessing the fact. I can't wait to read the next part, well done!! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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I really like Fanny, there's no pretence about her. She says it as she sees it. There was abviously a very good reason why she didn't attempt to stop Juniper from shooting Thurston Flourney. Juniper being a widow had to have something to do with it. This is such a well written story, I can't help but be caught up in the drama, your writing is so believeable! What is the reporter going to do with this confession from Fanny, now he know that she was an accessory to murder? It is one, isn't it? But I can't see anyone witnessing the fact. I can't wait to read the next part, well done!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Ohhhhh, I am so thrilled that this play has taken off in your heart, Dear Sandra. That means so much to me. Do remember, though, that Juniper wasn't actually a "widow". That was merely a role she played to lure Thurston into town to buy her "alleged cattle". Tell me if you're still confused and I'll un-stick you. I was afraid that might happen with her ruse.
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No, I'm not confused, just had one of those senior moments! Lol. When I read your reply, I thought to myself, 'Duh!! What planet am I on!!' Of course, I remember. Sorry, lol. xxx
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Wow. Miss fanny was an accessory for the murder. She was honest about it. What would happen then? Will she go to Jail? She is old so she doesn't care?
I can't wait to find out.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Wow. Miss fanny was an accessory for the murder. She was honest about it. What would happen then? Will she go to Jail? She is old so she doesn't care?
I can't wait to find out.
Well done.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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It's not likely she would go to jail over fore-knowledge of a crime committed 40 years earlier. She's four years older than I, and I sure wouldn't want to go to jail, lol. Thank, Lisa!
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Yes. It has way passed the statue of limitation. Why is the reporter writing about it?
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your details for the opening act, characters and all is well written. Her regional, era dialect, creates a delightful, realistic drama. This is hilarious, she's callin' him on his fol de rol: " It is hilarious how she called him on his fol de rol: "Words, words, words--I 'spect you'll find them words." The moment of silence is very poignant. Great ending.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Your details for the opening act, characters and all is well written. Her regional, era dialect, creates a delightful, realistic drama. This is hilarious, she's callin' him on his fol de rol: " It is hilarious how she called him on his fol de rol: "Words, words, words--I 'spect you'll find them words." The moment of silence is very poignant. Great ending.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Ahhhh, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Liz. Thanks for stopping by and for the kind word and shiny stars.
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***smilin' ***
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a fine scene. To me it has enormous value as it shows that in real-life conversations sentences and ideas remain unfinished as the discussion flows back and forth (one day soon you will understand this comment). It is exquisitely constructed and totally believable and unforced.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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This is a fine scene. To me it has enormous value as it shows that in real-life conversations sentences and ideas remain unfinished as the discussion flows back and forth (one day soon you will understand this comment). It is exquisitely constructed and totally believable and unforced.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Your praise couldn't have been more happily received. And personally, I can't wait for the day (soon) when I will understand your comment, as you promised. Meanwhile, I'll just bask in the chartreuse glow of that coveted cross that leads that row of five stars!