The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #3"America's First Female Comic
33 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Completely absorbing as the reporter peels the onion here and finds the connection between the two women has its roots in the tragedy of a murder....................
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Completely absorbing as the reporter peels the onion here and finds the connection between the two women has its roots in the tragedy of a murder....................
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Yes, that's the nucleus of the backstory and what ultimately drew the two women together.
Comment from in777wr#
This is a very interesting script. There are very good details of the conversation between the characters. The script reads well, and is understandable. The dialogue is clear, and the portrayal of "Fanny" and her speech is very good.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2022
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This is a very interesting script. There are very good details of the conversation between the characters. The script reads well, and is understandable. The dialogue is clear, and the portrayal of "Fanny" and her speech is very good.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2022
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Thank you very much. I'm pleased you enjoyed it.
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You're welcome.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hi, Jay, this is the first I've read of your scripts. I'm hooked and will certainly go to your portfolio to read. Above excellent writing your notes are informative and your format helpful to those of us who may want to try this type of writing. Thanks for the read, Jay.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2022
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Hi, Jay, this is the first I've read of your scripts. I'm hooked and will certainly go to your portfolio to read. Above excellent writing your notes are informative and your format helpful to those of us who may want to try this type of writing. Thanks for the read, Jay.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2022
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I'm stoked that you took such a liking to this play. I wish FS had a better way of making sampling from one's portfolio more rewarding. I'll be just as happy knowing you will be aboard for my future posts. Thank you so much!
Comment from royowen
There's one thing about being old, the long term memory is usually intact, and Fanny's memory, and general demeanour is pretty sharp, fortunately my wife's long term memory is better than mine. A "just dialogue" stage play requires great acting and story telling, so well done Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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There's one thing about being old, the long term memory is usually intact, and Fanny's memory, and general demeanour is pretty sharp, fortunately my wife's long term memory is better than mine. A "just dialogue" stage play requires great acting and story telling, so well done Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Roy. Long-term memory is only as good as the person's memory you are delving into fifty or so years ago. Don't try to make too much sense out of that?!
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I won't don't worry
Comment from Lobber
Hi Jay,
In your response to one of the reviews, you write: )this is not written to be a stage production(. Please clarify, since you use theatrical or stage terms like: OFFSTAGE LEFT, SET placed at an angle to the main stage, (Pushing off the balustrade, and returning), She is still silhouetted and in shadow, etc.
Some small points -
*I'm not sure there was a great Chicago blizzard in 1851
*Fanny uses the term )negro( . . . I believe this term, for a person in her time and space, seems out of place. I believe one of the following would be more appropriate:
negra( or )nigga
niggah, nigguh, niggur, or niggar
OR perhaps even )nigger(
As you know, for my taste, I find your )stage( writings too static and lacking in action. While the dialogue is great, perhaps it would be more suited for radio. You and I are old enough to remember Lux Radio Theater (1934-1955).
This series of one-hour performances featured actors seated in a row of chairs, and reading/performing their lines before a live audience. A guest Host, such as Cecil B. DeMille, described the emotions and settings, since there were no drsmatic lights, costumes or sets. In some sense the Host played the role of your male/female Voice in scenes 2 & 3.
- Lobber
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Hi Jay,
In your response to one of the reviews, you write: )this is not written to be a stage production(. Please clarify, since you use theatrical or stage terms like: OFFSTAGE LEFT, SET placed at an angle to the main stage, (Pushing off the balustrade, and returning), She is still silhouetted and in shadow, etc.
Some small points -
*I'm not sure there was a great Chicago blizzard in 1851
*Fanny uses the term )negro( . . . I believe this term, for a person in her time and space, seems out of place. I believe one of the following would be more appropriate:
negra( or )nigga
niggah, nigguh, niggur, or niggar
OR perhaps even )nigger(
As you know, for my taste, I find your )stage( writings too static and lacking in action. While the dialogue is great, perhaps it would be more suited for radio. You and I are old enough to remember Lux Radio Theater (1934-1955).
This series of one-hour performances featured actors seated in a row of chairs, and reading/performing their lines before a live audience. A guest Host, such as Cecil B. DeMille, described the emotions and settings, since there were no drsmatic lights, costumes or sets. In some sense the Host played the role of your male/female Voice in scenes 2 & 3.
- Lobber
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Lobber, first for reading this, and secondly for your valuable insights. I learn so much from you about plays. While I am writing this for all intents and purposes as a stage play, I am conforming to the formatting of a stage play. That said, I am not pursuing the plan of having it actually performed on the stage. For that reason, I take some liberties in expanding on the stage directions beyond anything a director would want. Someone, it might have been you, told me the director would be insulted that I took much of the actors' cues out of his hands and spelled them out overly in my commentary. Yes, I remember the Lux Radio Theater. Judiverse, here on FS, performed some of them and until recently had a theater group that reenacted some of the earlier ones.
I used the word nigra used by the reporter in, I believe, the second scene. But Fanny, who was from Chicago used the term negro and the reporter followed in that regard. But it is a good point.
Again, thank you for reading this, Jer, and for taking the time to give a thorough analysis.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Very nicely done. The dialogue is excellent and Robert is working as a dentist to pull out the story from Miss Fanny. As an aside, in 1928, my grandmother married a man 24 years older than her and she and her nine-year-old son move to his 100-acre cotton farm, not far from Brady, Texas.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Very nicely done. The dialogue is excellent and Robert is working as a dentist to pull out the story from Miss Fanny. As an aside, in 1928, my grandmother married a man 24 years older than her and she and her nine-year-old son move to his 100-acre cotton farm, not far from Brady, Texas.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Ahhhh, maybe Fanny was channeling your grandmother except that Fanny wouldn't ... well, she wouldn't have married a ... a man. Thanks my friend for reading this and for picking up on the reporter's role in the play.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an excellent scene, Jay. It reveals so much about the times, both present and past, as the reporter explores the story of Fanny and Juniper. The ending is a real shocker. You do an excellent job with the dialogue accents too. Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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This is an excellent scene, Jay. It reveals so much about the times, both present and past, as the reporter explores the story of Fanny and Juniper. The ending is a real shocker. You do an excellent job with the dialogue accents too. Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Judy (happy belated birthday, by the way), you are so kind to reward this with a six. I don't know how you can keep yours as long as you do. Mine rarely get me past Monday. I'm so glad though that my play is resonating something in you.
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Thanks, Jay, and you are most welcome. I tend to hold onto my sixes for my favourite stories first, but I probably don't do as much reviewing as you do either. Since having the shingles my eyes get tired if I'm on the computer for long spells.
Comment from Artasylum
I love your voice or should I say Fanny's voice and I always enjoy a good courtroom scene... they keep me reading because I care about the characters and the outcome of their lives. Good read... a page turner. yours, di
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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I love your voice or should I say Fanny's voice and I always enjoy a good courtroom scene... they keep me reading because I care about the characters and the outcome of their lives. Good read... a page turner. yours, di
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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I have a hunch the reporter would have made a fine prosecuting attorney the way he digs in so unremittingly and won't let go of a thought until he accepts its veracity. Does this mean I can expect you to read the next scene? I would be honored! Again, thank you for reading.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story my friend and the storyline was captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters bounce off one another nicely!
Thank you for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings;-)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Excellent story my friend and the storyline was captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters bounce off one another nicely!
Thank you for sharing this well written piece with us and many blessings;-)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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You are so sweet, Melodie. Yes, thanks to the Reporter's dogged persistence the truth bounces back and forth between them until the reader, like the Reporter, has an epiphany. Thank you, Melodie. I'm so thrilled to have you aboard.
Comment from tfawcus
Superb definition of the reporter's role and his ability to nose out the information. The story is really coming alive in this chapter. The idiom is faultless and the tension kept tight as a catapult that's about to be unleashed.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Superb definition of the reporter's role and his ability to nose out the information. The story is really coming alive in this chapter. The idiom is faultless and the tension kept tight as a catapult that's about to be unleashed.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much. The catapult releases next scene. I apparently isolated a part of my brain to hold my childhood memories of my grandmother who spoke like Fanny. I spent enough time with her to have absorbed the rhythm of her speech and some of the vocabulary. Thank you so much for the six stars. I kept waiting for yours to post, but so far it hasn't happened ... and I'm fresh out of sixes. Dang git!
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One of the advantages of being an older writer is being able to draw on the myriad experiences and characters of our youth - those nodding daffodils recollected in tranquillity, as Wordsworth put it.
I posted Chap 62: Sheba, the Heroine about 24 hours ago. It must have got buried!
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What? I shall look for it. That will be the second time I was not notified. I will re-fan you, if that's what it takes.