The Last Text
Made to raise awareness about texting and driving.62 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a great poem you have written. A force so vengeful it could have been alive is a great line! The one right before it is too.
It is just a thought, but I am thinking an insurance company doing a PSA, (public service announcement) might buy your poem and use it in a
marketing campaign. Exceptional work. Terry.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This is a great poem you have written. A force so vengeful it could have been alive is a great line! The one right before it is too.
It is just a thought, but I am thinking an insurance company doing a PSA, (public service announcement) might buy your poem and use it in a
marketing campaign. Exceptional work. Terry.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much for the rating, and great suggestion! I will definitely look into that, thanks!
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You are welcome, Karenina, suggested I read your work.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Driving and texting would be no different than driving and reading the newspaper. As a matter of fact I have seen women put on makeup. It is not just the teens that put themselves in jeopardy. Thank you for the great awareness. Have a great evening.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Driving and texting would be no different than driving and reading the newspaper. As a matter of fact I have seen women put on makeup. It is not just the teens that put themselves in jeopardy. Thank you for the great awareness. Have a great evening.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
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You are welcome.
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
This is a very well-done and important poem about a current problem and its possible consequences. You have covered brought the subject to light with evocative words and phrases. I especially like your use of the phrase "So the breeze could tangle our hair", "And the glass edges in our skin were skillfully sharpened" and "With a force so vengeful it could have been alive." These phrases paint perfect word pictures. I also like your use of the words smacked, vengeful, nauseating, and lament .. all great words.
My only suggestion would be to reconsider the word "overthrew" as it doesn't seem quite right to me. Perhaps overwhelmed, or if meter is an issue, something better you can think of. However, over-all this is superior work.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This is a very well-done and important poem about a current problem and its possible consequences. You have covered brought the subject to light with evocative words and phrases. I especially like your use of the phrase "So the breeze could tangle our hair", "And the glass edges in our skin were skillfully sharpened" and "With a force so vengeful it could have been alive." These phrases paint perfect word pictures. I also like your use of the words smacked, vengeful, nauseating, and lament .. all great words.
My only suggestion would be to reconsider the word "overthrew" as it doesn't seem quite right to me. Perhaps overwhelmed, or if meter is an issue, something better you can think of. However, over-all this is superior work.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much for your kind words and useful feedback!
Comment from jaded831
Very powerful piece. It educates the reader about the dangers of texting and driving. Also about the dangers of reckless behavior. People can have fun without putting themselves and others in danger. Think before you act.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Very powerful piece. It educates the reader about the dangers of texting and driving. Also about the dangers of reckless behavior. People can have fun without putting themselves and others in danger. Think before you act.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind words, and the six stars!
Comment from Frank Malley
I don't know that the dead can lament anything; this comment at the end weakens the powerful role the unthinking finality of death plays. There is an imagination at work in the creation of this poem's metaphors, but some could be fine tuned: how is it that the glass's edges were skillfully sharpened? By whom? Do seatbelts rest? When a poem asks questions to which suggestive clues are absent, it can be seen as a shortcoming.
Many of us know of deaths and maimings resulting from cell phone use, including the dangerously crazy idea of taking selfies while driving. How sad that a trivial ego-packed self-image could cause such loss. I'm giving this an FS 5; 'excellent' often seems a little too high, but its function is usually to encourage and affirm.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I don't know that the dead can lament anything; this comment at the end weakens the powerful role the unthinking finality of death plays. There is an imagination at work in the creation of this poem's metaphors, but some could be fine tuned: how is it that the glass's edges were skillfully sharpened? By whom? Do seatbelts rest? When a poem asks questions to which suggestive clues are absent, it can be seen as a shortcoming.
Many of us know of deaths and maimings resulting from cell phone use, including the dangerously crazy idea of taking selfies while driving. How sad that a trivial ego-packed self-image could cause such loss. I'm giving this an FS 5; 'excellent' often seems a little too high, but its function is usually to encourage and affirm.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Very useful feedback; thanks so much!
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All the best, Thomas. Frank
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That happens all too often. So many people die because they are on their cell phones and not looking where they are going. So many others die because of these reckless people. This poem reminds us all of the dangers of texting and driving at the same time. Well done! :)) Sandra. xx
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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That happens all too often. So many people die because they are on their cell phones and not looking where they are going. So many others die because of these reckless people. This poem reminds us all of the dangers of texting and driving at the same time. Well done! :)) Sandra. xx
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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So glad you enjoyed the read!
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Whoa Thomas! You are getting my first six stars of the week and it is only ten minutes past midnight. With this Earth shattering poem, you made me unaware that I'm normally not a fan of free verse and completely forgot to look for any feedback that you might have needed. Actually I came to look you up as a favor to a friend. Those last three comments are three of the biggest compliments I have given in a long time, because your poem was so good that nothing else seemed to matter. You have a knack for it my friend and I plan on looking you up more often. Thank you for such a wonderful and powerful read. I would truly consider sending this to where ever they raise awareness to texting and driving! Great job my friend!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Whoa Thomas! You are getting my first six stars of the week and it is only ten minutes past midnight. With this Earth shattering poem, you made me unaware that I'm normally not a fan of free verse and completely forgot to look for any feedback that you might have needed. Actually I came to look you up as a favor to a friend. Those last three comments are three of the biggest compliments I have given in a long time, because your poem was so good that nothing else seemed to matter. You have a knack for it my friend and I plan on looking you up more often. Thank you for such a wonderful and powerful read. I would truly consider sending this to where ever they raise awareness to texting and driving! Great job my friend!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Wow wow wow!! This means so much to me! Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words.
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You are very welcome Thomas and I look forward to reading more of your work. And welcome to FS. I'm sure we'll be great friends!
Comment from Wendy G
Powerful! I like the contrast between the sense of youthful freedom and fun and being carefree, and the unforeseen results of a resultant wrong choice. "firm white pillows of regret smacked us in the face" - original and very creatively expressed. Well done!
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Powerful! I like the contrast between the sense of youthful freedom and fun and being carefree, and the unforeseen results of a resultant wrong choice. "firm white pillows of regret smacked us in the face" - original and very creatively expressed. Well done!
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much for your kind words, Wendy!
Comment from karenina
Excellent.
How long have you been writing?
This free verse is sophisticated, with finely etched imagery!
"Firm white pillows of regret."
Wow.
I've seen the stitching impression from the airbags on patients rushed to the ER...
Too often, they never awoke to see them...
Which emoji means regret???
Sorrow?
Which texts will remain forever unsent?
You've got a writers chops.
I've got chills.
Karenina
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Excellent.
How long have you been writing?
This free verse is sophisticated, with finely etched imagery!
"Firm white pillows of regret."
Wow.
I've seen the stitching impression from the airbags on patients rushed to the ER...
Too often, they never awoke to see them...
Which emoji means regret???
Sorrow?
Which texts will remain forever unsent?
You've got a writers chops.
I've got chills.
Karenina
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Wow, this means so much. I am still in high school, so I haven't professionally written. I myself have been in two car accidents. The airbags are quite painful. Thank you so much for your kind words!
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I just fanned you!
We need your youthful talent here!
(Sorry about those accidents!)
K
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Thank you so much! You're my first fan!
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Aren't I lucky!
I hope your fan list grows quickly!
I've recommended you to a few friends already...
Keep posting!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Whoa. This was definitely a sobering poem. The seriousness of this was balanced against the freedom of the drive and the description of the sunroof open and the hair getting blown around. A definite sign of the times. Well written. A tribute befitting our modern conveniences.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Whoa. This was definitely a sobering poem. The seriousness of this was balanced against the freedom of the drive and the description of the sunroof open and the hair getting blown around. A definite sign of the times. Well written. A tribute befitting our modern conveniences.
Gretchen
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the read!