The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Brady City, Texas, 1929"America's First Female Comic
36 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
You amaze me the way you set up your stage plays with lighting and everything. Juniper's role seems to be to read the letter she gets from Fanny later regarding the interview. This act end with Fanny telling us why they are there in Brady City in the first place and that is to find a man who has wronged Juniper and she intend to kill.
Fanny's act is as a comedian and apparently she still does her act from a rocking chair. This sounds like a good start to a new play. I'm looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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You amaze me the way you set up your stage plays with lighting and everything. Juniper's role seems to be to read the letter she gets from Fanny later regarding the interview. This act end with Fanny telling us why they are there in Brady City in the first place and that is to find a man who has wronged Juniper and she intend to kill.
Fanny's act is as a comedian and apparently she still does her act from a rocking chair. This sounds like a good start to a new play. I'm looking forward to more.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Many thanks, Beth. I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading this. I think you'll find scene two even more to your liking.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I love it. Great writing. Fine story goin'.
Combine the above with error-free writing (as far as I can tell) and there's no reason not to part with a sixth star.
Best wishes. Can't wait to read the next posting.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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I love it. Great writing. Fine story goin'.
Combine the above with error-free writing (as far as I can tell) and there's no reason not to part with a sixth star.
Best wishes. Can't wait to read the next posting.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Ah, Wayne, you make my heart soar! Thank you so very much for your accolades.
Comment from lancellot
Interesting way you are using Juniper. She lets you get around certain narrative restrictions a script would have in comparison to standard prose.
You are still making main characters who are sympathetic the FanStory demographic. Always a clever artistic move by you. Newer writers should learn from you. Rule #1 Know your audience.
No, ha-ha! no--we come to Brady City 'cause she {aims} to kill Thurston Flourney--kill him dead.
Why isn't this, aimed?
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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Interesting way you are using Juniper. She lets you get around certain narrative restrictions a script would have in comparison to standard prose.
You are still making main characters who are sympathetic the FanStory demographic. Always a clever artistic move by you. Newer writers should learn from you. Rule #1 Know your audience.
No, ha-ha! no--we come to Brady City 'cause she {aims} to kill Thurston Flourney--kill him dead.
Why isn't this, aimed?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Lance. It SHOULD be "aimed". I was getting too cutesy with the dialogue. The biggest problem I had there was I didn't know how to pull back when I had Juniper reading the letter. I was continually going back and rewriting the letter because people who speak like hicks, don't write with the same hick-ish accent. In this case, though, I need to rein back on Fanny's speaking accent. I'm changing it now.!
Comment from Hawk37
when you posted tablet I was imagining the Reporter in 1928 holding onto an android tablet, noticed later you meant clipboard notebook, etc. This was well written some of the language was hard but imaging a woman and a report having a back and forth discussion helped process the think accent and slang that Fanny was speaking.
Thank you again for posting the work was a joy to read.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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when you posted tablet I was imagining the Reporter in 1928 holding onto an android tablet, noticed later you meant clipboard notebook, etc. This was well written some of the language was hard but imaging a woman and a report having a back and forth discussion helped process the think accent and slang that Fanny was speaking.
Thank you again for posting the work was a joy to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Hawk! You touched on a very real problem I had distinguishing between the written and spoken southern slang. Not easy.
Comment from tfawcus
Priceless comedy. Love the echo effect of Juniper in the background and the way the reporter drags out the backstory but strictly on Fanny's terms. A splendid cliffhanger when the curtain goes down. That'll have the audience squirming in their seats in anticipation of the next scene. Loving it already.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Priceless comedy. Love the echo effect of Juniper in the background and the way the reporter drags out the backstory but strictly on Fanny's terms. A splendid cliffhanger when the curtain goes down. That'll have the audience squirming in their seats in anticipation of the next scene. Loving it already.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Awwww, you're making me smile like no one's watching. Yeah I continue to have problems with the Reporter's role. I want him to appear authentic and not just a "straight-man" for Fanny's lines. Thank you so much, Tony, for your kindness and the lovely chartreuse crossed Band-Aid at the end of a line of red stars.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Typo:
I cain't even find -> I can't even find
sasparilla -> sarsparilla
What a cliff hanger you are leaving us with! You did a great job writing this piece in a challenging Texas accent. It's so good that I can read it in a Texas accent. I can hear this lady talking in this accent.
Exceptionally done.
I was busy swimming, hiking and kayaking in Sanibel Islands, Florida. Now I'm back.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Typo:
I cain't even find -> I can't even find
sasparilla -> sarsparilla
What a cliff hanger you are leaving us with! You did a great job writing this piece in a challenging Texas accent. It's so good that I can read it in a Texas accent. I can hear this lady talking in this accent.
Exceptionally done.
I was busy swimming, hiking and kayaking in Sanibel Islands, Florida. Now I'm back.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Many thanks, Lisa. "Cain't", like "ain't", is pure Texan. I agree with you on sarsparilla, but I kept getting it corrected to sasparilla. I'm changing it back, though.
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Sorry about it. I did realize that it might be an accent thing.
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I appreciate your help, Lisa. I corrected it to read sarsparilla.