Tucker - (Part -1)
An offer, too good to refuse . . . ?68 total reviews
Comment from NABattaglia
Great work on this. Technically very sound. The way you used description and dialogue is exceptional. This is a great piece substantively and on the technical basis. It is clear you spent a lot of time reviewing and editing this piece.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Great work on this. Technically very sound. The way you used description and dialogue is exceptional. This is a great piece substantively and on the technical basis. It is clear you spent a lot of time reviewing and editing this piece.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, NABattaglia, for your kind words and generous review. In truth, I do very little editing and polishing. I write too fast, and seldom do more than a quick run-through before posting, which usually leaves mistakes that I don't catch. Luckily, there weren't many on this one, and the few I didn't catch, were found by the few great readers. I appreciate your kindness and encouragement. It's reviews like yours that motivate us to work harder and get better. Much appreciated!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed reading your story. There's good pacing and great character development. I believe both of the main character were scoping the other out. In the end, they both won. Farnsworth seemed sure of his man, and Tuck stayed true to his beliefs. I believe this would make an interesting prologue or even first chapter in a new book. I enjoyed reading it.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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I enjoyed reading your story. There's good pacing and great character development. I believe both of the main character were scoping the other out. In the end, they both won. Farnsworth seemed sure of his man, and Tuck stayed true to his beliefs. I believe this would make an interesting prologue or even first chapter in a new book. I enjoyed reading it.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 08-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Jan, for your kind words and generous review. I wasn't quite sure how readers might feel about my quirky characters, but I've been pleasantly surprised with the responses. With your highly respected opinion added to the list of approvals, I'm all the more exciting about building on these characters. As always, thanks your kindness and encouragement! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from muffinmama
Love the story, love the language, love your style of writing. This was such fun to read, as there was always the tension of the goons in the picture.
As to the question in your comments, it's both. I can see this as a series. Go for it!
Editing comments:
- "That night packed with..." - I read this sentence several times every which way and concluded that it sounds better with a 'was' after 'night'.
- "Help yourself." Tuck replied... - comma after 'yourself'
- "Thank you, Sir." Daniel said... - comma after 'Sir'
- Then, he said, "I'm Tuck... - no comma after 'Then'
- His facial expression somewhere...- I recommend a 'was' after 'expression'. I know this is a stylistic thing, and I love it, but here it doesn't seem to work. Just a thought...
- '...goon's asses thrown...' - goons'
- 'Every bite revealed in an intentional disgusting glimpse ' - This is awkward. I'm not sure if you should lose the 'in' or change 'glimpse' to something else, not sure what.
- "Not interested." Tuck said... - comma after 'interested'
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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Love the story, love the language, love your style of writing. This was such fun to read, as there was always the tension of the goons in the picture.
As to the question in your comments, it's both. I can see this as a series. Go for it!
Editing comments:
- "That night packed with..." - I read this sentence several times every which way and concluded that it sounds better with a 'was' after 'night'.
- "Help yourself." Tuck replied... - comma after 'yourself'
- "Thank you, Sir." Daniel said... - comma after 'Sir'
- Then, he said, "I'm Tuck... - no comma after 'Then'
- His facial expression somewhere...- I recommend a 'was' after 'expression'. I know this is a stylistic thing, and I love it, but here it doesn't seem to work. Just a thought...
- '...goon's asses thrown...' - goons'
- 'Every bite revealed in an intentional disgusting glimpse ' - This is awkward. I'm not sure if you should lose the 'in' or change 'glimpse' to something else, not sure what.
- "Not interested." Tuck said... - comma after 'interested'
Comment Written 08-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Muffinmama, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. You spent more time finding and correcting my mistakes than, I spent writing the piece. LOL. And I can't thank you enough for your efforts. I write really fast and don't do a lot of editing or polishing, which I should be ashamed. But, if I work too hard, then it takes all the fun out of writing for me. And now, I feel embarrassed for having even said that after your taking time to highlight them for me. I appreciate YOU and all your help! I'm headed to make the changes right now.
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I can't help myself; I'm a professional editor - LOL
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You can help me any time, and as you can see, I need all the help I can get. LOL. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from DSchlosser
A pretty interesting piece of dialogue between the two stubborn men. After the story had ended, I definitely wanted to read more to find out what all the job would entail.
Found that you had the wrong their used in the first paragraph of the story- "were the spoiled-brat variety, never failing to get there way."
Other than that, I think I had a question on a quote that came up that looked like a continuing sentence without a previous comma, but it looked like it could have been written either way. I think if you continued this as a detective book it would do very well.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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A pretty interesting piece of dialogue between the two stubborn men. After the story had ended, I definitely wanted to read more to find out what all the job would entail.
Found that you had the wrong their used in the first paragraph of the story- "were the spoiled-brat variety, never failing to get there way."
Other than that, I think I had a question on a quote that came up that looked like a continuing sentence without a previous comma, but it looked like it could have been written either way. I think if you continued this as a detective book it would do very well.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, DSchlosser, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. I appreciate you pointing out my silly mistake. That was one of those late night rewrite sentences to make it easier to understand. But, I guess, it didn't work. LOL. I appreciate your kindness and encouragement!
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I'm glad to have read this piece. I'll have to check out more of your work down the road when I've got more time.
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I normally don't post often, but over the last few months I've tried to post once a month. I appreciate your great review and I'll be checking out your posts.
Comment from L. Kalere
Hi Ric...what a fun read... a rollicking romp. The appearance, actions, words, and deeds of the characters are all vividly described, with a colorful peppering of outrageous colloquialisms. It begs to be continued...you've included enough intriguing tidbits (i.e. Katie, scratch golfer, Farnsworth's desperation) to keep us guessing and wanting more.
I do have a few suggestions, which you may consider, or not...my intentions are good, but you might find them off kilter. I love the Southern background which could only come from someone intimate with the language and lifestyle, but the characters also have different lifestyles, which would make their grammar distinctly and consistently different. Farnsworth, is probably an educated man, Tuck is probably educated but steeped in southern culture, and the observer (you) who is typically neutral in tone (maybe not in this case, but should consistent).
Here's just a shotgun of trivia: separate the first sentence and second phrase with a semi-colon, or start 2nd sentence with "Who was"; absolutely love The Big Snapper/past girlfriend; did Tuck already know Daniel...Daniel didn't introduce himself; I love the phrase "Menacing dispositions exposed, but temporarily contained."; "feminine sensitivity" is very provocative and worthy of a fist fight (at least in the West); I love the juxtaposition of "cool" composure with gritting teeth, twitching lip, and bulging jaw muscles; goons with pouty lips? interesting imagery; "worse than a mouse in a blender" (grossly hilarious); thanks for defending innocent animals; in the end Tuck is intrigued...maybe he is mortal after all?
All good reasons to stick around for more...please.
Linda
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hi Ric...what a fun read... a rollicking romp. The appearance, actions, words, and deeds of the characters are all vividly described, with a colorful peppering of outrageous colloquialisms. It begs to be continued...you've included enough intriguing tidbits (i.e. Katie, scratch golfer, Farnsworth's desperation) to keep us guessing and wanting more.
I do have a few suggestions, which you may consider, or not...my intentions are good, but you might find them off kilter. I love the Southern background which could only come from someone intimate with the language and lifestyle, but the characters also have different lifestyles, which would make their grammar distinctly and consistently different. Farnsworth, is probably an educated man, Tuck is probably educated but steeped in southern culture, and the observer (you) who is typically neutral in tone (maybe not in this case, but should consistent).
Here's just a shotgun of trivia: separate the first sentence and second phrase with a semi-colon, or start 2nd sentence with "Who was"; absolutely love The Big Snapper/past girlfriend; did Tuck already know Daniel...Daniel didn't introduce himself; I love the phrase "Menacing dispositions exposed, but temporarily contained."; "feminine sensitivity" is very provocative and worthy of a fist fight (at least in the West); I love the juxtaposition of "cool" composure with gritting teeth, twitching lip, and bulging jaw muscles; goons with pouty lips? interesting imagery; "worse than a mouse in a blender" (grossly hilarious); thanks for defending innocent animals; in the end Tuck is intrigued...maybe he is mortal after all?
All good reasons to stick around for more...please.
Linda
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Linda, for your kind words, comments, suggestions, and generous review. I originally used a semi colon between those two sentences, then decided one didn't pertain that much to the other, which I guess they do. LOL. I don't like starting sentences with Who was or Who were is the reason I used All to cover the three. But, if you say so, I'll do it your way. LOL. There are always certain elements of truth in my stories and my characters. More so in this one than I care to admit. The narrator is just one of the boys. I always appreciate your kindness and encouraging words!
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You don't have to do anything my way, Ric. Do what you think is right (you have good reasons). There was a time when I would have been skeptical of some of the vernacular, but my ex-daughter-in-law married a great guy from Tennessee who could be a character in your story...he keeps us entertained. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and I promise not to be so windy with my review.
Linda
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I made a few changes, similar to what you suggested. And even polished up a few more places that needed work. I should take more pains and not write so fast. Then, edit and polish, but that takes all the fun out of writing. LOL. You weren't windy, you were helpful, and your review is greatly appreciated! I always look forward to reading what you have to say. Enjoy the rest of your week! Ric
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You're right about taking the fun out of writing. By the time I'm done editing I want to throw it out. Take care.
Comment from tfawcus
Your way of describing things and people sure brings them to life! There's no doubting what those two bodyguards look like. I'm curious now to find out what this assignment is that Farnsworth wants Tucker to take on. The stand-off between the two characters is laced with humour as thick as the sauce on Tuck's breakfast, and just about as hot, I might add.
I'd think about having your subject and verb a bit closer together here:
Two seven-foot bruisers, uglier than a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and dressed in fine, high-dollar dark-silk suits over English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts, stepped out first.
eg
Two seven-foot bruisers stepped out first. Each was uglier than a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and dressed in fine, high-dollar dark-silk suits over English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts.
Out of sixes, I'm afraid, but the humour in this ought to have had me tossing in an extra star. Much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Your way of describing things and people sure brings them to life! There's no doubting what those two bodyguards look like. I'm curious now to find out what this assignment is that Farnsworth wants Tucker to take on. The stand-off between the two characters is laced with humour as thick as the sauce on Tuck's breakfast, and just about as hot, I might add.
I'd think about having your subject and verb a bit closer together here:
Two seven-foot bruisers, uglier than a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and dressed in fine, high-dollar dark-silk suits over English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts, stepped out first.
eg
Two seven-foot bruisers stepped out first. Each was uglier than a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and dressed in fine, high-dollar dark-silk suits over English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts.
Out of sixes, I'm afraid, but the humour in this ought to have had me tossing in an extra star. Much enjoyed.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Tony, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. I wasn't sure how people would take to my quirky country boy characters, but the funniest part is that there is more truth in this fictional story and the characters than I care to admit. As in most everything I write. I appreciate you taking time to read my foolishness and all your encouragement!
Comment from Senyai
Hi Ric,
Well, you got my interest, Ric! I am so curious for the outcome of Samuel Tucker's (aka Tuck) decision ...whether he chooses to accept Farnsworth's offer or not and of course what that offer is.
Great beginning to a story or a book. Either way, count me in :))
Have a great week,
Senyai
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hi Ric,
Well, you got my interest, Ric! I am so curious for the outcome of Samuel Tucker's (aka Tuck) decision ...whether he chooses to accept Farnsworth's offer or not and of course what that offer is.
Great beginning to a story or a book. Either way, count me in :))
Have a great week,
Senyai
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Senyai, for you kind words and generous review. I'm glad you liked it and are interested in the story and quirky characters. I always appreciate your kindness and encouraging reviews. And before I forget for the umpteenth time, I love your name. I've looked it up trying to find out its meaning and found: it represents innovation, independence, determination, courage, sincerity and activity. Now, I want to know if I'm even close to what you know? Thanks again. I appreciate YOU!
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Lol? thanks so much, Ric?but I?m not sure any of those attributes necessarily apply :))
Love your Tucker and his quirky straight to the point attitude. We need more Tucks in the world, yes! Develop him, Ric. You?ve got me hooked.
Did I say Congratulations on winning Story of the Month for Streets of Cincinnati? Great story :))
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Thank you so much, Senyai!!! The congrats are much appreciated!
Comment from roof35
I definitely think it should be a new book. I know I would be a reader. I so enjoy the descriptive terms you come up with in your writing. Just love Tuck.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I definitely think it should be a new book. I know I would be a reader. I so enjoy the descriptive terms you come up with in your writing. Just love Tuck.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Roof35, for the comments and your extra-special six-star review. I wasn't sure anyone would understand or be able to relate to my quirky characters. Especially, since there is always elements of truth to all my stories, characters, and their adventures. This one has more truth than I care to admit, and the story didn't stop here. LOL. I can't thank you enough for another of your outstanding review, kindness, and continued encouragement. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from roof35
I definitely think it should be a new book. I know I would be a reader. I so enjoy the descriptive terms you come up with in your writing. Just love Tuck.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I definitely think it should be a new book. I know I would be a reader. I so enjoy the descriptive terms you come up with in your writing. Just love Tuck.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Well, I received this review twice, so I decided to reply twice just in case they might count it again. LOL. I appreciate your wonderful six-star review, but most of all, it's your kindness and encouragement from someone who I enjoy reading whenever you post. Hint Hint. I appreciate YOU!
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I haven't posted much lately except to get the contest rolling for the coin a new word that Lynenochka created. Once I posted one, it took off as I expected. She is one of my favorites on Fan Story. I have a very sick pet and I am having trouble being motivated. Probably going to lose him. Sometimes life is hard.
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I haven't posted much lately except to get the contest rolling for the coin a new word that Lynenochka created. Once I posted one, it took off as I expected. She is one of my favorites on Fan Story. I have a very sick pet and I am having trouble being motivated. Probably going to lose him. Sometimes life is hard.
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I'm so sorry about your pet. It's never easy to lose them, but it's harder to watch them suffer. Miracles happen, and I hope you get one! Ric
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Thanks for your kind words. He is only 8 years old. Thought we'd have him for at least 5 more years.
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Thanks for your kind words. He is only 8 years old. Thought we'd have him for at least 5 more years.
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Oh, no, that too young to lose him. I'm sorry!!!
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Thanks for your kind thoughts. He has liver disease. The liver can regenerate but we have not been able to get him to eat. He had surgery and we were hopeful, but it is not looking good.
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Well, I'm sorry . . . and hoping that he surprises you and starts eating!
Comment from estory
I think its a great opening chapter for a novel. You have really created a wonderful character here, returning those volleys from Daniel with aplomb, just over the top character. He is his own person, not easily swayed. Daniel also makes a noteworthy entrance, in that over the top stretch limo with the two goon body guards. His motives are mysterious, and that is great for the suspense here. We are kind of hooked by the end, when Tucker gets that letter with all this money for services he is leery of giving. I say you continue on. estory
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I think its a great opening chapter for a novel. You have really created a wonderful character here, returning those volleys from Daniel with aplomb, just over the top character. He is his own person, not easily swayed. Daniel also makes a noteworthy entrance, in that over the top stretch limo with the two goon body guards. His motives are mysterious, and that is great for the suspense here. We are kind of hooked by the end, when Tucker gets that letter with all this money for services he is leery of giving. I say you continue on. estory
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Estory, for your extra-special six-star review, comments, and motivation to carry on with my quirky characters. I was worried that most people wouldn't pick up on my intentions or understand my characters, but surprisingly, most have. As with everything I write, there is more real life in this story than I care to admit or anyone would believe. I'm glad you liked it. Now I just have to find time to build on this post. As always, I appreciate your kindness and encouragement!