Bluejay Fallen
They Neither Sow, Nor Do They Reap52 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
I like the way you've built this story, keeping us wondering where it was going and how it would relate to a blue jay. Very cleaver! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I like the way you've built this story, keeping us wondering where it was going and how it would relate to a blue jay. Very cleaver! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Judy. I appreciate your kind words and touching on how the story impacted you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wonder what happened to the Blue Jay and yes the mention of God counting the hairs on our heads we def intently the wrong thing to say. I enjoyed reading this contest entry. I've read some really good ones for this contest. I want to wish you good luck.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I wonder what happened to the Blue Jay and yes the mention of God counting the hairs on our heads we def intently the wrong thing to say. I enjoyed reading this contest entry. I've read some really good ones for this contest. I want to wish you good luck.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Many thanks, Barbara. I rarely do well in these contests, but appreciate the weight of your well-wishes.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I liked your true story. I like your style and the symbolism in the story. It is easy to say --better move on instead of being the only one to fix things. That's the easy way out. I am old school and believe in discussing and finding ways to rebuild a new life. Thanks for sharing the story. Good luck!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I liked your true story. I like your style and the symbolism in the story. It is easy to say --better move on instead of being the only one to fix things. That's the easy way out. I am old school and believe in discussing and finding ways to rebuild a new life. Thanks for sharing the story. Good luck!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Seshadri. I'm not an easy person to live with. Being married with children while being deeply involved with my writing creates an imbalanced devotion, at best.
Comment from Susan Newell
As always, a well-written, entertaining story. I like the way you wrapped it up with a demonstration of why you could no longer live together. Two world views don't mix and blend like dyes. If we're lucky, they blend like glass in marbles to make a whole. But too often they personify the printer's code: oil and water don't mix.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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As always, a well-written, entertaining story. I like the way you wrapped it up with a demonstration of why you could no longer live together. Two world views don't mix and blend like dyes. If we're lucky, they blend like glass in marbles to make a whole. But too often they personify the printer's code: oil and water don't mix.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Dang, Susan! If there was a head left on my nail, you sure hit it. That sounds creepy, I know, but you know what I mean. I hate to quote myself, but I did seem to wrap it up fairlly well with another reviewer:
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I like your writing. It's always more than the words.
Comment from Sanku
There is symbolism here. The bird and the marriage. How did the bird die ? How could the marriage have died?
It is a lovely story,very poignant and it caused a bit of sinking in my heart.
Gradual distancing between the couples and then prefering the lonely existence to companionship...
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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There is symbolism here. The bird and the marriage. How did the bird die ? How could the marriage have died?
It is a lovely story,very poignant and it caused a bit of sinking in my heart.
Gradual distancing between the couples and then prefering the lonely existence to companionship...
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Yes, my friend, Sanku. How delighted I am that you saw the symbolism in the Bluejay. Its occurrence is one I'll never forget. And I did have a vague hope (unmentioned in the story) that Roseana was choosing this as a time for talking about reconciliation. But it never came about. I'm glad you saw the bird as symbolism. Long before writing this story, I had the nagging feeling that there was something in our relationship that had to do with the dying of the bird. Why did the bird "happen" to die at that precise moment, imposing itself in our lives so directly.
Odd how some readers responded to the dying of the bird. One had even misread it, implying that I should have been more understanding of the bluejay landing in Roseana's soup. How bizarre is that?
Thank you so much for your kind review and the lovely stars!
Comment from muffinmama
The backstory was an excellent build-up to the climax. The lunch, with the language issue, the squabbling birds, the sarcasm, recreated the entire marriage, and when the bird (marriage) dropped dead, the wife's confusion spoke volumes about how the marriage died. They were not paying attention. The husband basically rattled around in his world while the wife's frustration focused on his inability to take seriously what was important to her.
Terrific read.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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The backstory was an excellent build-up to the climax. The lunch, with the language issue, the squabbling birds, the sarcasm, recreated the entire marriage, and when the bird (marriage) dropped dead, the wife's confusion spoke volumes about how the marriage died. They were not paying attention. The husband basically rattled around in his world while the wife's frustration focused on his inability to take seriously what was important to her.
Terrific read.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Oh, my God! (I can't call you Muffinmama, I'm sorry, but it begs for the use of a name) Anyway --, I am so happy you followed the thread of the theme throughout the tapestry of the story. I didn't lay it out neatly. Yet I hoped others would see it. Yours was the only one who grabbed that thread and doggedly held on to the end.
If I don't have a reviewer vote left (and I'm afraid I don't) rest assured your name will be written down (I just now did it!) for next month's nominations. Yes, rattle I did and I know Roseana was sorely frustrated.
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The name is Ryma (pronounced Reema) if you ever want to communicate again. But I'm afraid muffinmama it is if you want to find any of my writing. It's too long a story, but I promise, I'm not usually that silly when it comes to choosing a user name LOL
Comment from Debbie Pope
Hooray! I have found another writer that I enjoy on FanStory. Boy, can you tell a story. Simple descriptions become interesting. For instance I love the mental playgrounds that you revert to when your wife is talking. I love the description of your marital breakup. Without addressing the cause of the flickering light, the breakup description seemed real and true enough. To me, the bird story more closely addresses the cause of your breakup. I thought that was a cool way to finish the tale. It seems that you are saying that your wife, without mental playgrounds of her own, found your flippancy too hurtful, and you used it as a way of coping with boredom.
Your writing style is exceptional. There's not a boring word in sight. I apologize that I am out of six star ratings.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Hooray! I have found another writer that I enjoy on FanStory. Boy, can you tell a story. Simple descriptions become interesting. For instance I love the mental playgrounds that you revert to when your wife is talking. I love the description of your marital breakup. Without addressing the cause of the flickering light, the breakup description seemed real and true enough. To me, the bird story more closely addresses the cause of your breakup. I thought that was a cool way to finish the tale. It seems that you are saying that your wife, without mental playgrounds of her own, found your flippancy too hurtful, and you used it as a way of coping with boredom.
Your writing style is exceptional. There's not a boring word in sight. I apologize that I am out of six star ratings.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, with a review like this, you need never apologize about not having a six. Yours is a twelve! Thank you so very much!
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
Ouch. Sounds like years and years of too much closeness and knowing each other far too well. This was well-written, of course, and showed a very real and raw side of you we rarely see.
Thanks, sweetie - here's a hug=
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Jay,
Ouch. Sounds like years and years of too much closeness and knowing each other far too well. This was well-written, of course, and showed a very real and raw side of you we rarely see.
Thanks, sweetie - here's a hug=
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Awwww, thank you, Robyn! Yes, it wasn't easy to write. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from BethShelby
This story told so much about your life and yet it was all about the death of a blue jay. I loved reading it but I don't quite no how to review it. It seems Roseana reaction to this incident tells me why the two of you couldn't live together. I doubt that most people would find what you said a reason to walk out. She seemed to believe you were mocking God. No wonder living together was like a mine field. It isn't safe when so little can trigger so much.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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This story told so much about your life and yet it was all about the death of a blue jay. I loved reading it but I don't quite no how to review it. It seems Roseana reaction to this incident tells me why the two of you couldn't live together. I doubt that most people would find what you said a reason to walk out. She seemed to believe you were mocking God. No wonder living together was like a mine field. It isn't safe when so little can trigger so much.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I can see how you arrived at your conclusions, Beth. I was perhaps kinder to myself, though I was trying to be truthful, than I should have been. I doubt that I was as witty as I portrayed, though I was, and am, quite capable of saying the wrong thing. That was definitely me. And the playground of my own thoughts. Yes, that was me. And it had to be frustrating when my wife could see from my halting speech how far away from the conversation I had drifted. As usual, Beth, thanks for your reading.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I haven't a six left, Jay, and you have done this to me before, writing an amazing story like this, so deserving of 10x6! Your true story took me inside your mind, the way your thoughts were wandering as your ex-wife was talking, it made me realise we are all guilty of that. The death of that beautiful bluejay, was like the heralding of the final twig snapping in your relationship. You're such a talented author, my friend. This was an incredible piece of writing. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I haven't a six left, Jay, and you have done this to me before, writing an amazing story like this, so deserving of 10x6! Your true story took me inside your mind, the way your thoughts were wandering as your ex-wife was talking, it made me realise we are all guilty of that. The death of that beautiful bluejay, was like the heralding of the final twig snapping in your relationship. You're such a talented author, my friend. This was an incredible piece of writing. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Sandra, my dear, don't you ever apologize about not having a six. We both know how that goes ... and I'll take an honest five from you any day! Bless you.