Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Very good stuff again here, as the mysteries around Helen and the Gaudins deepen.

Helen sidestepped to avoid a dog turd on the pavement, and nearly knocked me over. - I really appreciated this line, as it brings a true sense of reality to the proceedings. Also due to the nature of your writing which is fairly poetic, it hits a nice juxtaposition.

'Get rid of Brandon. See you as arranged, noon tomorrow. JD' - you may need some punctuation on the end here.

My suspicions were kicked up anoter notch - another.

Yes, a VISA card. The number is - " - your closing speech marks here have become inverted. this happens when you put them in after the dash. the quick cure is to delete them and the dash. re-insert the marks and put the dash in then.

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018

Thanks, G., for the edits. Appreciated. All the best, Tony

Comment from heart of Lou

Excellent

I like the banter between Helen and Charles. She was not so easily put off about the envelope, but she should have insisted on looking it over. His tucking it away would make her suspicious enough. Why is he not sharing it with her? Hmm...

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2018

Thanks, Lou. I think that the reason he is reluctant to share the message with Helen is that is instructs her to 'get rid of' him'. It also mentions a prearranged meeting, which suggests that there is something fishy going on. Perhaps this may become clearer in a future chapter. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

The plot thickens as this goes along what is everyone up to seems there is something a miss going on here. Why all they mystery going on and now answers?

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018

Thanks for your continued interest and support, CRW. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Tony. Your story is progressing along very nicely, I see. Your use of dialogue propels the chapter forward at a nice pace.

I like your use of crystal images as well, like here:

"Helen turned the key in the ignition, revved the engine and crashed the gears. Fifi bunny-hopped away in a most undignified manner.

I can just picture this happening. Good job, my friend. Bob

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Many thanks for your review, Bob. I'm particularly appreciative of your comments about the dialogue, as that is an area that I'm working on at present, to try to improve. All the best, Tony

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is becoming like an Agathie Christie murder mystery, the plot is becoming more and more complex, like a woven web, (I'm no good at chess either) but kudos for writing it Tony, you are obviously are good at remembering characters, and circumstance. Excellent plotting, with great little side thingees, like the dog turd. Well done, good writing or writhing, blessings, Roy ,

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Many thanks for your review, Roy. Your not the first to comment on the increasing complexity of the plot. I hope that I can unravel the various strings of it before the end! All the best, Tony

reply by royowen on 17-Oct-2018

Well done

Comment from Marie Werner

Excellent

Great, nuanced dialogue. I love how the advertising leaflet - something so common - becomes integral to the story. Thanks so much for posting, it was an enjoyable read this afternoon!

Have a good day!

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2018

Thanks, Marie. Glad you enjoyed it! Tony

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written chapter. Every day delivers a new clue and leads closer to find the goal. E verything seems not to be in favor of the adventurers and some leads are wiped out before they get there.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2018

Thanks, Sandra. Glad you enjoyed it! Tony

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

The plot thickens and we now become involved with a highly valuable painting that perhaps ought to belong to a grumpy gardener and then there are the mysterious shadowers and the the equally mysterious note on the Moulin Rouge offer - well it beats time share I suppose.

You are maintaining the tension well and I am sure all your readers are waiting agog for the next episode.

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Thanks for your review of this chapter, Jim. I'm running a bit behind with things at the moment, so my few loyal readers may have to wait agog for another day or two for the next chapter in this convoluted tale. All the best, Tony

reply by Pantygynt on 17-Oct-2018

I think I can manage that.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

This is an interesting chapter, Tony. I enjoyed reading it. It is getting more complicated with the new characters. I am amazed the nurse was so free with information to someone on the phone. I look forward to the next chapter. Thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2018

Thanks, Jan. Glad you enjoyed it! I was a bit uncertain about that too. I may have to rewrite that bit of dialogue to extract the information more subtly. All the best, Tony

reply by the author on 13-Oct-2018

Hi Jan. I've rewritten that phone conversation now. The nurse still probably says more than she should, but I hope I have made Charles more plausible in his approach to extracting the information he was after.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Ok something is going on ...I wonder why Helen has to ditch Brandon...and what is a mentally ill person about to convey...maybe something awful that contributed to her condition...questions
God bless

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

The plot thickens, as they say!