Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Chapter Funf part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from Sefiros
I get why Shana is scared, but she seemed too naive in this chapter. She really thinks she can survive on her own? That going alone, by sparing the lives of others, is the right thing to do? These are professional bad guys here. If I were her I'd stay close to people who can protect me.
That kind of connection between reader and character is exactly what you're supposed to aim for. Good job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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I get why Shana is scared, but she seemed too naive in this chapter. She really thinks she can survive on her own? That going alone, by sparing the lives of others, is the right thing to do? These are professional bad guys here. If I were her I'd stay close to people who can protect me.
That kind of connection between reader and character is exactly what you're supposed to aim for. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. Shana is from a small Midwest town and truly has no idea what's going on. Her family has always protected her.
Comment from Mustang Patty
This chapter does a good job of building the suspense. Her questioning by the police was a logical end to the piece, but I'm not sure if there was enough build up to her NOT trusting Mr. Sharp.
Some of your sentences feel a bit 'jangled.' What I mean by that is they don't flow well. I suggest you read the piece out loud so you can hear the lines that fall flat.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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This chapter does a good job of building the suspense. Her questioning by the police was a logical end to the piece, but I'm not sure if there was enough build up to her NOT trusting Mr. Sharp.
Some of your sentences feel a bit 'jangled.' What I mean by that is they don't flow well. I suggest you read the piece out loud so you can hear the lines that fall flat.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Zue65
Oh I love to read romance stories with mystery and suspense here and there. It makes the wait worthwhile and interesting. This post proves to be exciting and full of action. I will look forward to your next post.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Oh I love to read romance stories with mystery and suspense here and there. It makes the wait worthwhile and interesting. This post proves to be exciting and full of action. I will look forward to your next post.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
What a gorgeous face. I grew up with Sheppard's. I just love them. Fantastic chapter. It was so quick and now you left me hanging like I enjoy doing. You little rascally rabbit. I can envision these beautiful creatures protecting her. My little pups would run and hide in the bathroom. Of course they are Chihuahua's. LOL
Hugs heidi
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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What a gorgeous face. I grew up with Sheppard's. I just love them. Fantastic chapter. It was so quick and now you left me hanging like I enjoy doing. You little rascally rabbit. I can envision these beautiful creatures protecting her. My little pups would run and hide in the bathroom. Of course they are Chihuahua's. LOL
Hugs heidi
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi Barbara,
Shana just can't shake those thugs, no matter what! And let's hear it for the dogs. That painting sure has caused a lot of trouble but great for the action in the story ... nicely done!
I wonder how long the bad guys will remain in jail. My guess is not too long. And then they're right back on Shana's trail.
You've kept the action high and the story interesting. Good work!
Warmest wishes and hugs,
Alan
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hi Barbara,
Shana just can't shake those thugs, no matter what! And let's hear it for the dogs. That painting sure has caused a lot of trouble but great for the action in the story ... nicely done!
I wonder how long the bad guys will remain in jail. My guess is not too long. And then they're right back on Shana's trail.
You've kept the action high and the story interesting. Good work!
Warmest wishes and hugs,
Alan
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are very welcome!
Comment from rwilliam
I liked the picture on this chapter. It made me curious to read.
I'd better go the back way. I don't want to draw attention. On the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi.--the 'on' the sidewalk throws me , but that si a personal note alright. What if you said, "When I get to the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi." Just a thought. :)
A gunshot sounded as the gun fell from the man's hand. Shana screamed and hid her face. --You are moving fro fast I"m getting lost. Did the gun go off bc he shot the dog? Did the dog bite his arm and that is why he dropped the gun? I read further down and it was good action but I think more detail would help.
"They are. I'll let them sort this out." Anderson stepped closer. "No, I won't." He punched the man's wounded arm. "Who do you work for?"
The man avoided eye contact. --You have a man being punched in a wounded arm and no reaction other than avoiding eye contact? I think you need to add more, screams, cry out in pain, something.
There are polices waiting to question her. Please bring her." --I think you mean 'police' not 'polices'. :-)
Good story line and I'm interested to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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I liked the picture on this chapter. It made me curious to read.
I'd better go the back way. I don't want to draw attention. On the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi.--the 'on' the sidewalk throws me , but that si a personal note alright. What if you said, "When I get to the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi." Just a thought. :)
A gunshot sounded as the gun fell from the man's hand. Shana screamed and hid her face. --You are moving fro fast I"m getting lost. Did the gun go off bc he shot the dog? Did the dog bite his arm and that is why he dropped the gun? I read further down and it was good action but I think more detail would help.
"They are. I'll let them sort this out." Anderson stepped closer. "No, I won't." He punched the man's wounded arm. "Who do you work for?"
The man avoided eye contact. --You have a man being punched in a wounded arm and no reaction other than avoiding eye contact? I think you need to add more, screams, cry out in pain, something.
There are polices waiting to question her. Please bring her." --I think you mean 'police' not 'polices'. :-)
Good story line and I'm interested to see what happens next.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, is Shana safe here or anywhere. This was certainly an action-packed chapter that ratcheted up the action and tension. The German Shepherds taking down the bad guys was a well-described scene I can see. You keep the reader on the edge of her seat wanting more. Both your action and dialogue are thrilling and you use mystery to lure readers to the next chapter.
One SPAG: "polices" should be "police" because it is both singular and plural without the added S.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Yes, is Shana safe here or anywhere. This was certainly an action-packed chapter that ratcheted up the action and tension. The German Shepherds taking down the bad guys was a well-described scene I can see. You keep the reader on the edge of her seat wanting more. Both your action and dialogue are thrilling and you use mystery to lure readers to the next chapter.
One SPAG: "polices" should be "police" because it is both singular and plural without the added S.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! Good work. I did wonder what was gonna happen to her when she went downstairs. Love the dogs. A reminder of the old Indian story. No spags either, thanks again for some great reading. Please check out my autobiography not sure where you are with that. I just had a terrific reviewer come through and pick up a tonne of errors I thought I had fixed.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Wow! Good work. I did wonder what was gonna happen to her when she went downstairs. Love the dogs. A reminder of the old Indian story. No spags either, thanks again for some great reading. Please check out my autobiography not sure where you are with that. I just had a terrific reviewer come through and pick up a tonne of errors I thought I had fixed.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Glad you are back been (oops guess what I typed ahead??)missing you.
Comment from Mastery
Hello, Barbara. this chapter sure wasn't short on action. between the dogs and the gunshots I lost track actually. "The shot sounded" But who got hit at that moment? We find out later it was the guy...Speaking of the guy. I am sorry, Barbara, but I could not see what he looked like.
This " a medium built man grabbed her arm. With a strong accent, he said, "Ms. Kohlberg, we finally meet." is hardly a good description of a bad guy. I can't see his face or any features whatsoever.
All in all, it sure kept my interest though. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hello, Barbara. this chapter sure wasn't short on action. between the dogs and the gunshots I lost track actually. "The shot sounded" But who got hit at that moment? We find out later it was the guy...Speaking of the guy. I am sorry, Barbara, but I could not see what he looked like.
This " a medium built man grabbed her arm. With a strong accent, he said, "Ms. Kohlberg, we finally meet." is hardly a good description of a bad guy. I can't see his face or any features whatsoever.
All in all, it sure kept my interest though. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 12-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess, that in reality no one can be left out. Wherever large sums of valuable merchandise are there will be thieves or many who might claim ownership with the right information. Could Anderson be one of those people too? Well, not likely, but it could be a possibility. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2017
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I guess, that in reality no one can be left out. Wherever large sums of valuable merchandise are there will be thieves or many who might claim ownership with the right information. Could Anderson be one of those people too? Well, not likely, but it could be a possibility. Great chapter.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.