Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter Four part eine"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
What I've noticed about this novel is that your characters are each so clearly defined. This will be more important as the plot begins to develop.
Jane sat, began to think, and wrote down somethings. [... and wrote down SOME THINGS.]
Good job, Barbara.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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What I've noticed about this novel is that your characters are each so clearly defined. This will be more important as the plot begins to develop.
Jane sat, began to think, and wrote down somethings. [... and wrote down SOME THINGS.]
Good job, Barbara.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I made that correction. I wonder if I saved it. I will go back and check.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. You have nice crisp dialogue in this chapter:like:
""Have you decided what to do about Shana? She has a valid point. The curator won't discuss any information with you. You paid off the hotel manager to get her luggage, but I doubt a huge donation will help at the museum."
"I have to find out who owns the painting, and then do background checks. Maybe it'll tell us who or what we're dealing with."
Suggestion: Redo this sentence for smoother flow: ""You know the Jewish Sabbath continues until the first three stars are seen tonight, don't you?" Try: Do you know that the Jewish Sabbath continues until the first three stars are seen tonight?"
Good job. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Hi, Barbara. You have nice crisp dialogue in this chapter:like:
""Have you decided what to do about Shana? She has a valid point. The curator won't discuss any information with you. You paid off the hotel manager to get her luggage, but I doubt a huge donation will help at the museum."
"I have to find out who owns the painting, and then do background checks. Maybe it'll tell us who or what we're dealing with."
Suggestion: Redo this sentence for smoother flow: ""You know the Jewish Sabbath continues until the first three stars are seen tonight, don't you?" Try: Do you know that the Jewish Sabbath continues until the first three stars are seen tonight?"
Good job. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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I rewrote that sentence. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter, my friend. Interesting and filled with suspense. A great whodonit. I look forward to reading more, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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A very well written chapter, my friend. Interesting and filled with suspense. A great whodonit. I look forward to reading more, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ella25
You are an awesome writer, and the chapter of this romance novel is as tasty as the French toast on the place in the image. Well done, my friend. Blessings, Ella
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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You are an awesome writer, and the chapter of this romance novel is as tasty as the French toast on the place in the image. Well done, my friend. Blessings, Ella
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm just waiting for Romeo to save the day, which I'm sure at some point he will. Otherwise, he wouldn't have to be Shana's shadow. Of course, I like dogs better than most people, so I'll be happy for him to be an early hero. Yes, I'm guess, just my way of having fun. Thanks for another great chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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I'm just waiting for Romeo to save the day, which I'm sure at some point he will. Otherwise, he wouldn't have to be Shana's shadow. Of course, I like dogs better than most people, so I'll be happy for him to be an early hero. Yes, I'm guess, just my way of having fun. Thanks for another great chapter. :-)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from light
Suspense is building over the stolen art. Great job on your research. Ending the Shabbat with the appearance of the the three stars and the reminder that pork is unclean and was created to clean the earth. I am guessing that Shana is going to have her own Havdalah service. It's great that she is so prepared. I am enjoying this story.
Elaine
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Suspense is building over the stolen art. Great job on your research. Ending the Shabbat with the appearance of the the three stars and the reminder that pork is unclean and was created to clean the earth. I am guessing that Shana is going to have her own Havdalah service. It's great that she is so prepared. I am enjoying this story.
Elaine
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written again my friend and reads well you move the story along very well the chapter is just the right length leaving the reader wanting to read more well done I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Yes this is well written again my friend and reads well you move the story along very well the chapter is just the right length leaving the reader wanting to read more well done I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Thal1959
I usually don't review story material, but I thought I would give it a try. There are a few minor errors.
""I hadn't thought about it. Her suitcase was small." Jane sat, began to think, and wrote down somethings." The word "somethings" is either "something" or "some things." Also, ""You're apartment's very secure." The contraction of You're is incorrect, as it is not "You are apartment..." Of course it should be "Your."
Another problem I ran into is an insufficiency in what are called an attributive, an identifier or a signifier. Writers have a tendency to become so familiar with their script that they know instantly who is saying what. To help cue the reader as to who is speaking in a dialogue, the attributives "He said," or "she said" is employed. But if there are multiple male and female characters contributing to the dialogue, it becomes even more important for the writer to specify the speaker by name.
...said Philip. Helen replied, Anderson remarked, Drew chimed in with... Especially for Anderson Sharp, often called Drew. Of course, you have used attributives in key places, but for someone like myself, first-time reader to a chapter, I was frequently confused as to who was talking to whom. In my last novel, After I wrote a chapter, I would re-read it for spelling or punctuation errors, and for continuity or obvious mistakes. But then I would re-read it again just to make sure there were sufficient attributives, both the generic kind, (he said, she said) and the specific kind. (Alex replied...)
One of the hardest things for an author is to proof-read their work with the mindset of a first-time reader to see if confusion or ambiguities occur. I hope you don't mind these comments. Thank you.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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I usually don't review story material, but I thought I would give it a try. There are a few minor errors.
""I hadn't thought about it. Her suitcase was small." Jane sat, began to think, and wrote down somethings." The word "somethings" is either "something" or "some things." Also, ""You're apartment's very secure." The contraction of You're is incorrect, as it is not "You are apartment..." Of course it should be "Your."
Another problem I ran into is an insufficiency in what are called an attributive, an identifier or a signifier. Writers have a tendency to become so familiar with their script that they know instantly who is saying what. To help cue the reader as to who is speaking in a dialogue, the attributives "He said," or "she said" is employed. But if there are multiple male and female characters contributing to the dialogue, it becomes even more important for the writer to specify the speaker by name.
...said Philip. Helen replied, Anderson remarked, Drew chimed in with... Especially for Anderson Sharp, often called Drew. Of course, you have used attributives in key places, but for someone like myself, first-time reader to a chapter, I was frequently confused as to who was talking to whom. In my last novel, After I wrote a chapter, I would re-read it for spelling or punctuation errors, and for continuity or obvious mistakes. But then I would re-read it again just to make sure there were sufficient attributives, both the generic kind, (he said, she said) and the specific kind. (Alex replied...)
One of the hardest things for an author is to proof-read their work with the mindset of a first-time reader to see if confusion or ambiguities occur. I hope you don't mind these comments. Thank you.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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I made the first correction but I will have to ponder the rest because I had an editor on my first book kick out a lot of he/she said. I will take another look and see if they are indeed necessary. Thank you for the review.
Comment from MsPetra
You did a great job with this. I found myself really getting into the story. Also, I could visualize the story with the help of your descriptions. Kudos for that.
I can't think of anything to suggest to improve it.
Please keep writing. I will be looking forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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You did a great job with this. I found myself really getting into the story. Also, I could visualize the story with the help of your descriptions. Kudos for that.
I can't think of anything to suggest to improve it.
Please keep writing. I will be looking forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this chapter. I do hope Drew is able to get some information at the museum. I like the dialogue and how the characters are developing. I do hope we find out exactly what part the Russians play in all this. They were known to have stolen a lot of the artwork the Germans had stolen from the Jews they murdered. Very complicated but fascinating story.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Great work with this chapter. I do hope Drew is able to get some information at the museum. I like the dialogue and how the characters are developing. I do hope we find out exactly what part the Russians play in all this. They were known to have stolen a lot of the artwork the Germans had stolen from the Jews they murdered. Very complicated but fascinating story.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.