The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 11"America's First Female Comic
30 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Great presentation of the newspaper account of the trial. Purple prose indeed, but that seems to be the way they wrote at that time. It makes for a colorful presentation. The whole trial seems rigged, and the judge was biased. Mr. Barnwarmer is meant to take the whole responsibility. I know that one or two-person shows can be very compelling. I saw one in which Julie Harris played Emily Dickinson, and it was very successful. The production might use a few tricks like having newspaper headlines flashed on a screen in the background and maybe pictures from the trial. I see you've garnered several sixes already. Congratulations. judi
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Great presentation of the newspaper account of the trial. Purple prose indeed, but that seems to be the way they wrote at that time. It makes for a colorful presentation. The whole trial seems rigged, and the judge was biased. Mr. Barnwarmer is meant to take the whole responsibility. I know that one or two-person shows can be very compelling. I saw one in which Julie Harris played Emily Dickinson, and it was very successful. The production might use a few tricks like having newspaper headlines flashed on a screen in the background and maybe pictures from the trial. I see you've garnered several sixes already. Congratulations. judi
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Yes, purple prose. And it's true that the news reporters back then sounded like Thackery or Henry James. It also gave me leave to play with poetry in an otherwise plain-styled script. Having only a few characters does present challenges. Which is why I usually have someone on the streets of Brady who insert themselves in the drama occasionally. Thank you for joining in!
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You're welcome. An afterthought--why so many intermissions? judi
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The excess of intermissions may be over-thought. I don't like to make it a new scene if the same characters are in the set and it resumes right where it left off. I obviously wouldn't do that if I were writing to have it performed.
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Go for it. Maybe you have a relative who could act on your behalf. With the internet, you could do a lot without even leaving home. As I've suggested, just query the university theatre department near you. judi
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Thank you for your continued support. But I think I'll leave that for the kids. Seriously, I need to prioritize my efforts. That's why I'm not writing any more plays after this one. I want to get my trilogy published (self-published, that is), before anything else.
Comment from Ulla
I love it, I love it, Jay. Your descriptions are out of this world. The write is powerful and political. But hey, so is real life. If you've lost reviewers because of that, then I do know what I think.
This is dynamite and you handle it so very well. I'm ready for more. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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I love it, I love it, Jay. Your descriptions are out of this world. The write is powerful and political. But hey, so is real life. If you've lost reviewers because of that, then I do know what I think.
This is dynamite and you handle it so very well. I'm ready for more. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Ah, Ulla, thank you so much. I've got two more scenes in the can and rarin' to go, and I'm working on the last scene. I'm getting weary, though and it's good to hear positive vibes.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Oh my, that dang Judge was probably appointed by...never mind, I don't do politics. I do think you have framed the situation very well. Excellent work. Terry.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Oh my, that dang Judge was probably appointed by...never mind, I don't do politics. I do think you have framed the situation very well. Excellent work. Terry.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Terry. I really don't do politics, either. Nothing puts me to sleep faster. I'm so pleased that you liked this scene. I am getting rather tired of it.
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Jay, I know you understand the work is new to us readers, but old and worn out for you. I do get it. Terry.
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I know. I just tend to get grumpy and self-indulgent. I am retired, you know!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Sensational, but what else what it be? I loved this scene, Jay, and I feel different about Caleb with each scene you write. It's all so clever and well put together. Am I going to have to wait again? I'm running out of popcorn, my friend!!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Sensational, but what else what it be? I loved this scene, Jay, and I feel different about Caleb with each scene you write. It's all so clever and well put together. Am I going to have to wait again? I'm running out of popcorn, my friend!!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Hahaha, you're too much, John. I'm so pleased though you are hanging on to the thread.
Comment from amahra
This was another fine chapter, Jay. You really dramatized the old newspaper article well. Good job, buddy.
(his forefinger skims left to right and down the page)
This is so--Let me see if I can find--Oh ... here it is ...[Wow! With the short dialogue in toe, I actually saw him doing this.] Great choice of words, Jay.
while the little one squirmed in [5-year-old, creamy white insouciance,] ? [Don't get this] playing with her
doll.
looking over his steepled fingers [good simile]
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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This was another fine chapter, Jay. You really dramatized the old newspaper article well. Good job, buddy.
(his forefinger skims left to right and down the page)
This is so--Let me see if I can find--Oh ... here it is ...[Wow! With the short dialogue in toe, I actually saw him doing this.] Great choice of words, Jay.
while the little one squirmed in [5-year-old, creamy white insouciance,] ? [Don't get this] playing with her
doll.
looking over his steepled fingers [good simile]
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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I was trying to show in the judge's mind (based on the newspaper man's editorializing) of the contrast between the blackness of the mother and the whiteness of Juniper, the intentness of the mother and the innocent fantasy-life of a five year old. Because the judge was trying to make a point. Insouciance? Well, because I like insouciance.
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Ok. Got it!
Comment from BethShelby
I think your script has been excellent, and I don't why you would have lost anyone. (However, I think all of us have lost reviewers. I don't know where everyone has gone all of sudden. No one is getting the reviews they once got.)
I love the way this clever reporter from long ago summed up the story of the trial. He did dramatize it and it was obvious he took sides but he really brought it to life. (Actually you did that) Good job.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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I think your script has been excellent, and I don't why you would have lost anyone. (However, I think all of us have lost reviewers. I don't know where everyone has gone all of sudden. No one is getting the reviews they once got.)
I love the way this clever reporter from long ago summed up the story of the trial. He did dramatize it and it was obvious he took sides but he really brought it to life. (Actually you did that) Good job.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Beth ... you are so wonderful! Thank you for keeping my spirits up. It seems you got exactly the "feel" I was aiming for. Thank you, just for being you!
Comment from cat frenette
What an enjoyable read, Jay. I came across your script in an Up Next list, and look forward to reading it from the beginning.
I loved how you set the scene, transporting me back to not only 1929, but to 1858 when the underlying events were recorded.
And once I catch up, I look forward to finding out what happens from this point.
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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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What an enjoyable read, Jay. I came across your script in an Up Next list, and look forward to reading it from the beginning.
I loved how you set the scene, transporting me back to not only 1929, but to 1858 when the underlying events were recorded.
And once I catch up, I look forward to finding out what happens from this point.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Bless you, Cat! At this point, the only way a new reader can fully comprehend what's going on would be to read it from the beginning. That said (and you set my heart a-flutter!), You can probably get the chronology and feeling for what happened, by reading only the summaries of the previous scenes. I don't want you to get bogged down, and lose you!
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Jay, this is the very definition of binge-watching... er.. reading.
I did just that and enjoyed myself immensely. I was surprised when the telegram arrived, but it all made sense.
I only have 2 comments, and they are certainly don't detract from the story in any way, and are merely to clear up my confusion.
First, you start out in 1928, and by Scene 3, are in August of 1929.
Next, the last several scenes end in intermission. Now, I know nothing about screenplays so forgive my ignorance. Is that what the end of a scene is called? I had the advantage of reading the whole narrative so far, as a running story rather than scene by scene as you wrote and posted, so multiple intermissions seems excessive, but maybe that's all part of my learning curve.
Anyway, I look forward to finding out what happens.
Cat
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Hey, Cat. You are da bomb! Okay ... here goes: Don't overly latch onto the time frame. As I got into the later scenes, I realized some history modification had to take place. It turned out it could ONLY be 1929, not the earlier 28. Then in "chapter" 11 (FS's requirement, it has to follow the logistics of the novel, even scripts), I had to change the name of Juniper's derringer from "li'l Missy" to "li'l Lizzy". When you get there it will have already been changed to "lil Lizzy". When you publish a novel in the real world, it's all of a piece. It's done chapter by chapter here, scene by scene, and it necessitates making earlier adjustments. So that's what happened. Sorry about the derringer spoiler alert.
The end of a scene is called a scene ending. The sad thing is that readers will not read something that's too long. Therefore, I've had to chop long scenes into shorter ones. Since the same characters would be continued in the lopped off portion and be continuing on in the next, I used the intermission technique (the cute coming out).
I hope that helps.
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Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me Jay. It's all a learning curve, and I appreciate your patience.
I can already picture this on stage!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
We love you too. But it's getting so that I have to go back and read one or two of the last chapters before I'm back into the story. It's not your fault, but I'm so tired at the moment I can't keep things fixed in my mind like usual. Anyway, I hope you haven't lost too many... I particularly liked the sudden revealing of old newspapers here. Gives a ring of authenticity to the memories, as doubtless you hoped. Kate xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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We love you too. But it's getting so that I have to go back and read one or two of the last chapters before I'm back into the story. It's not your fault, but I'm so tired at the moment I can't keep things fixed in my mind like usual. Anyway, I hope you haven't lost too many... I particularly liked the sudden revealing of old newspapers here. Gives a ring of authenticity to the memories, as doubtless you hoped. Kate xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Ah, yes, using the enthusiastic reporter from the 1860s. I hoped for authenticity, but I also hoped to give the reader a little rest from Fanny's dialect. I fear it bogged a lot of people down.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Well that was certainly a turn-around for the books! And it does go to show how easily things can be swung or manipulated.
The pacing in this piece (the entire piece) is superb and the cut offs are well-judged.
Love it
G
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Hi Jay,
Well that was certainly a turn-around for the books! And it does go to show how easily things can be swung or manipulated.
The pacing in this piece (the entire piece) is superb and the cut offs are well-judged.
Love it
G
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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You do my heart such a great service, G! Thank you for that. I was hoping the reporting of a zealous writer of a hateful judge and obvious injustice, along with reducing the amount of Fanny time might give this drama a boost. It appears from the accounts of the readers so far (and yours, my dear friend, at the forefront) has done just that!
Comment from tfawcus
A couple of your descriptions here are pure gold:
And as all the air is sucked out of the lungs of a pugilist after a blow to the solar plexes, just so was the air sucked out of that courtroom
and
to lend more authority to the thunderbolt of his voice,
There is more, of course. Much more. The false rectitude of the judge as he wrecks the life of another. The gradual release of Fanny Barnwarmer's emotion, leaking out like a slow puncture.
I don't often go to the theatre these days, but if this play comes to Adelaide, I'll be after a seat in the front row.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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A couple of your descriptions here are pure gold:
And as all the air is sucked out of the lungs of a pugilist after a blow to the solar plexes, just so was the air sucked out of that courtroom
and
to lend more authority to the thunderbolt of his voice,
There is more, of course. Much more. The false rectitude of the judge as he wrecks the life of another. The gradual release of Fanny Barnwarmer's emotion, leaking out like a slow puncture.
I don't often go to the theatre these days, but if this play comes to Adelaide, I'll be after a seat in the front row.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Oh, my, Tony. How your words build up my flagging enthusiasm! Thank you for that. I got a little poetic with the wording I put in the young reporter's mouth. And I was SO ready to get away from Fanny's dialect, knowing full-well, three more scenes of it lay ahead. It can be an uninspiring day on a a night watchman's job. Anyway, you don't know how good it feels to hear your accolades because I know they come from a consummate craftsman.