The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #3"America's First Female Comic
33 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant writing, I was so involved, I hated it when it came to the end. Those people who were so 'religious', those Christians, (Huh?) let them face God and explain what they did. This is a really excellent script, Jay, and I'm really enjoying it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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That was brilliant writing, I was so involved, I hated it when it came to the end. Those people who were so 'religious', those Christians, (Huh?) let them face God and explain what they did. This is a really excellent script, Jay, and I'm really enjoying it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Ah, yes, Sandra. It's so great to have you reading my play. I wasn't aware how few people read stage plays. But to have you among their number and raving about it to the extent of rewarding it with a six. That means something special. Thank you, Sandra.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Please tell me it wasn't Miss Fanny father who let those lynchmen in the house. No it can't be, but it probably was. You're doing a good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Please tell me it wasn't Miss Fanny father who let those lynchmen in the house. No it can't be, but it probably was. You're doing a good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2022
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Okay, it wasn't Miss Fanny's father who let those lynchmen in the house. I can say that because Mr. Albright was pulled out of the house. LOL, things get a bit clearer next scene.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is another riveting chapter. The delays in Fanny's answers to the reporters questions prolongs the suspense. I was glad when Fanny said, "What say I do the story'in' an' you jes write." I'm impatient and am struggling to wait to see what happens, even though I realize the pace is perfect. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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This is another riveting chapter. The delays in Fanny's answers to the reporters questions prolongs the suspense. I was glad when Fanny said, "What say I do the story'in' an' you jes write." I'm impatient and am struggling to wait to see what happens, even though I realize the pace is perfect. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Lorraine, for your support and lovely words. I think the next chapter won't disappoint you.
Jay
Comment from amahra
Jay, I really love this play. And the dialogue is truly awesome. Let me tell you just how awesome it was--which is why I gave a 6. You wrote that southern dialect so well, I imaged my grandparents were speaking. You made it so easy to read. They raised me and both were from the south. Just a couple of things below:
I could not imagine horses traveling up and down the street whinnying, because horses only whinny when they want attention from other horses or people. Or if they're distressed.They don't just walk a whinny. But I could imagine the sounds of 1928 auto traffic and hooves clopping in the background.
The second thing, for the life of me, (And I guess it's me) I still don't get the play coming from the actor's perspective. Can you explain one more time. If I don't get it, I'll just assume I'm the only one who doesn't and won't mention it again. Thanks, Jay.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Jay, I really love this play. And the dialogue is truly awesome. Let me tell you just how awesome it was--which is why I gave a 6. You wrote that southern dialect so well, I imaged my grandparents were speaking. You made it so easy to read. They raised me and both were from the south. Just a couple of things below:
I could not imagine horses traveling up and down the street whinnying, because horses only whinny when they want attention from other horses or people. Or if they're distressed.They don't just walk a whinny. But I could imagine the sounds of 1928 auto traffic and hooves clopping in the background.
The second thing, for the life of me, (And I guess it's me) I still don't get the play coming from the actor's perspective. Can you explain one more time. If I don't get it, I'll just assume I'm the only one who doesn't and won't mention it again. Thanks, Jay.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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First of all, Amahra. Thank you for the six stars and the kind words. Yes, my Grandmother kept the dialect from her youth in Missouri. I wasn't raised by her, but I spent a lot of time with her, and while it was 70 years ago, I still remember the rhythm of her language. My mother also kept some of the words fresh in my mind.
Please DO keep after me about things you don't understand. For examply I don't understand what you mean by "from the actor's perspective". Can you expand on that so I can help clarify it and/or correct it.? By the way, you may be right about the horses. I don't know Jack about horses, so I'll take your word about the whinnying thing. I'll go back now and look at it. Thanks again.
Jay
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Here is your note to the reader:
NOTE TO READER: Remember this play is from the actors' perspective, not the audience's. What is "left" to the actor would be "right" for the audience. What is "far back" on the stage to the audience is designated "upstage" to the actor.
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Ahhh, now I see. Don't bog yourself down overly on that. I'm considering leaving it off entirely. It's just that, as a writer, I have the scene in my mind, as though I am sitting in row one of the audienc. I know what is to the left and to the right from my seat and it is counter-intuitive to what it would be for the actor. But that's neither here nor there to the reader of the script, particularly since this is not written to be a stage production.
Thanks for clearing it up, Amahra!
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Oh, I get it now. Where you confused me, you wrote, "the [play] was from the perspective of the actor." What you should have said was the [stage directions] were from the perspective of the actor. So, if you said something was to the right, you meant the right of the actor and not right of the audience. Ok LOL
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Thank you! That would have been a better way of putting it.
Comment from lancellot
Very good act. It moved faster than I thought it should. Sign of good pacing. The Reporter was very animated here and the story got juicy.
Notes: You can ignore for style
(Musing)- you mean he paused.
(Quoting)
- I don't get these. Are things he is doing? Can we see this? Is he making air quotes signs with his fingers?
(As with sudden revelation)
- you mean: Quickly rising with his finger raised and eyes wide open.
REPORTER:
(Smiling, turning in his chair, and raising an arm {in acknowledgment}, he turns back to FANNY)
- I would take that little part out
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Very good act. It moved faster than I thought it should. Sign of good pacing. The Reporter was very animated here and the story got juicy.
Notes: You can ignore for style
(Musing)- you mean he paused.
(Quoting)
- I don't get these. Are things he is doing? Can we see this? Is he making air quotes signs with his fingers?
(As with sudden revelation)
- you mean: Quickly rising with his finger raised and eyes wide open.
REPORTER:
(Smiling, turning in his chair, and raising an arm {in acknowledgment}, he turns back to FANNY)
- I would take that little part out
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Lance. And for the six! You tend to be frugal with them, so when I get one from you, I know in your mind I earned it.
for: "(Musing)- you mean he paused." Yes it was meant as a "pause prompt" but also to signify he was pondering her response or his own possible reply. The "quote" in parentheses below it gave me a pause as well. For any reader not familiar with Donne's poem (to which I would say "for shame!", I didn't want him/her to think the reader was creating a poem on the spot. But no. No air quotes. Does that make sense?
(As with sudden revelation) Yes, your response, and any that the reader might have to signify an "ah-ha" moment.
The (in acknowledgment) ... Good catch, Lance. And so removed. By the way, Lance, this is what I learned from you vis-a-vis stage directions that are not objective. I try not to think for the reader in my prose, but I slip up occasionally in the stage directions. I appreciate every time you point this out (after a five-second chide for not keeping afloat my genius).
Again, thank you for all!
Jay
Comment from Shirley McLain
I like your story line and your dialogue is excellent. I have to admit I know nothing about scripts and usually don't read them. I think you did an excellent job. Have a blessed day. Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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I like your story line and your dialogue is excellent. I have to admit I know nothing about scripts and usually don't read them. I think you did an excellent job. Have a blessed day. Shirley
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much, Shirley, for taking a chance on this. I hope it won't be the last time. I appreciate your support.
Jay
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Jay, this is a heck of well written chapter. There is so much to be read in what is not being said. We are getting a glimpse of what may have really happened. This is in the far south, after all.
Your settings, background noise and the dialogue really set the scene. I can just visualise it. I can't wait for the continuation. It's marvelous writing. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Wow, Jay, this is a heck of well written chapter. There is so much to be read in what is not being said. We are getting a glimpse of what may have really happened. This is in the far south, after all.
Your settings, background noise and the dialogue really set the scene. I can just visualise it. I can't wait for the continuation. It's marvelous writing. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Ulla. (Hey, you didn't call me Ray this time! You must know another Ray who is particularly handsome and intelligent that you sometimes confuse with me ... LOL! Just pulling your leg!) Your sixth star looks beautiful on my mantle, as usual! Thanks!
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Oh, I'm mortified. Have I really called you that in the recent past? Well, I don't know what to say, other than please look at it as my special name for you. I honestly don't know where it comes from. I've never known a Ray in my life!
I'm glad you've forgiven me Lol.
I just love this script, Jay. Phew I got it right, again!! Ulla:)))
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I was just ribbing you, Hulla. LOL.
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Hahaha!
Comment from BethShelby
It is almost hard to read about how cruel life was in those days. This being Chicago and not the deep south where I was from, I'm surprised that such deep prejudice existed there as well. I can see this happening in Mississippi. You story is excellent and telling it from the white comedian's point of view a unique prospective, but one that works well. I'm very much into this story and look forward to it every week.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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It is almost hard to read about how cruel life was in those days. This being Chicago and not the deep south where I was from, I'm surprised that such deep prejudice existed there as well. I can see this happening in Mississippi. You story is excellent and telling it from the white comedian's point of view a unique prospective, but one that works well. I'm very much into this story and look forward to it every week.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Ahhhh, Beth, thank you so very much. There were many southern sympathizers in the north during pre-civil war times. There were assassination attempts on pre-inaugurated Lincoln during these troubled times. Read Judiverse's Chapter about Lincoln's train trip before his inauguration. Again, thanks for reading this, Beth!
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True, all president are in danger of being assonated for one reason or another. I read all of Judy's posts. Actually Booth had a friend convicted of being a spy and Booth begged Lincoln for his life, but he was executed anyway. So there was some personal grievances. The original plot was to kidnap Lincoln for ransom and exchange him for convicted spies.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I have learnt a lot this morning. From lancellot how I should be writing direction, this has been backed up by your approach in this well-served up scene, and also a reminder here of how important it is to show voice differences clearly - how could I have forgotten that one. You do an excellent job of separating your characters in this way. I will be ready to write Act 2, Scene 2 soon. Kate xx
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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I have learnt a lot this morning. From lancellot how I should be writing direction, this has been backed up by your approach in this well-served up scene, and also a reminder here of how important it is to show voice differences clearly - how could I have forgotten that one. You do an excellent job of separating your characters in this way. I will be ready to write Act 2, Scene 2 soon. Kate xx
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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I will be keeping an eye out for your next scene, Katherine. Thank you for reading my play. I'm glad it's helping you. Lance IS quite helpful.
Jay
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
another great addition to the play here. it is riveting and it is fun watching it all unwind.
A couple of things I noted down-
one o' them new-fangled talkies s?- needs edited at the end here.
I was two month's shy o' ten years-- you don't need the apostrophe for shy here (it's not possessive).
doin' a jig an' him jest a' singin' / What say I do the story'in' an' you jes write. - jes/jest thing (it's jes elsewhere)
Howdy, Willie .... How's Miss Gretchen- perhaps a question mark in here.
atop 'o two years 'o drought / Tell her a sprig 'o mint - should the apostrophe be behind the o here (abbreviated 'of'). It's after when used previously.
he couldn't 'o paid it back. - here as well.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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Hi Jay,
another great addition to the play here. it is riveting and it is fun watching it all unwind.
A couple of things I noted down-
one o' them new-fangled talkies s?- needs edited at the end here.
I was two month's shy o' ten years-- you don't need the apostrophe for shy here (it's not possessive).
doin' a jig an' him jest a' singin' / What say I do the story'in' an' you jes write. - jes/jest thing (it's jes elsewhere)
Howdy, Willie .... How's Miss Gretchen- perhaps a question mark in here.
atop 'o two years 'o drought / Tell her a sprig 'o mint - should the apostrophe be behind the o here (abbreviated 'of'). It's after when used previously.
he couldn't 'o paid it back. - here as well.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022
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You got all the sleep out of your eagle-eye, Gareth. Every suggestion spot on ... and corrected. Thank you.
Jay