The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Brady City, Texas, 1929"America's First Female Comic
36 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh my!!! I can see all sorts of interesting things going on with these interesting characters. I can't believe any different. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Oh my!!! I can see all sorts of interesting things going on with these interesting characters. I can't believe any different. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Bless you for hopping on another play, even though the others aren't completed yet. I appreciate you and your sixth star! Your support means a lot to me.
Comment from justafan
I know diddley squat about script writing but now the storyline is great. But then you always were a great storyteller and it's nice to see that hasn't changed.
Brilliant as always!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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I know diddley squat about script writing but now the storyline is great. But then you always were a great storyteller and it's nice to see that hasn't changed.
Brilliant as always!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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The squat that you don't know about script writing is about on par with what I know about it. I'm glad you're being entertained by it, though, Missy ... enough to award me a sixth star! Yipeeeeeee!
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Smilin
Comment from Ulla
Now, Jay, that was a heck of an ending. She had that Young reporter rolling around her little finger, didn' she? What a delightful read. Your inspiration and writing is so wonderfully endless. Your play with words and situations are priceless. I wonder where you're taking this. Can't wait to find out. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Now, Jay, that was a heck of an ending. She had that Young reporter rolling around her little finger, didn' she? What a delightful read. Your inspiration and writing is so wonderfully endless. Your play with words and situations are priceless. I wonder where you're taking this. Can't wait to find out. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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This play will be a blend of fiction with fact. I hope you will continue to enjoy it. the sixth star is lovely. Thank you!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Just your setting is fascinating, as the audience sits wondering what is going to happen. These are great metaphor and simile and will draw the reader closer: "it'll all just flutter 'round like a butterfly on this dried up field of my memory till it can't find a fresh flower stalk to light on," Your use of dialect & humor make this a great story.
I'm so glad I signed up to be a fan. I don't want to mis any of your genius. A+
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Just your setting is fascinating, as the audience sits wondering what is going to happen. These are great metaphor and simile and will draw the reader closer: "it'll all just flutter 'round like a butterfly on this dried up field of my memory till it can't find a fresh flower stalk to light on," Your use of dialect & humor make this a great story.
I'm so glad I signed up to be a fan. I don't want to mis any of your genius. A+
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Liz... I am so happy you enjoyed that simile of the butterfly and the stalk. I too am happy to have you as a fan. That sixth star is a bonus!
Comment from juliaSjames
Intriguing cast for your play. You are endlessly creative and quite amazing wrt stage directions.
I think Fanny comes across perfectly as a larger than life character. I've met a few of her ilk in my time.
A little puzzled about Juniper's role but it's early days so this dramatic device will probably grow on me.
But I'm not getting the reporter. He's supposed to be a feature writer from a famous newspaper not a small town boy. So he should have done his homework and wouldn't stumble over her name. Or drop his pencil. Would you agree that he's being portrayed as too gauche? He can be a sharp pencil in the box and still be outmatched by the redoubtable Fanny. In fact that's how I imagine him to be, brash and overconfident, so it's funnier when she outwits him.
Again it's early days so I'm prepared to wait and see how things develop.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Intriguing cast for your play. You are endlessly creative and quite amazing wrt stage directions.
I think Fanny comes across perfectly as a larger than life character. I've met a few of her ilk in my time.
A little puzzled about Juniper's role but it's early days so this dramatic device will probably grow on me.
But I'm not getting the reporter. He's supposed to be a feature writer from a famous newspaper not a small town boy. So he should have done his homework and wouldn't stumble over her name. Or drop his pencil. Would you agree that he's being portrayed as too gauche? He can be a sharp pencil in the box and still be outmatched by the redoubtable Fanny. In fact that's how I imagine him to be, brash and overconfident, so it's funnier when she outwits him.
Again it's early days so I'm prepared to wait and see how things develop.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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I had more intended the young reporter to be at first rather star-struck, as I'd have surely been had I interviewed someone of the stature of Bette Davis. But that's on me, Julia. If he comes across to a number of readers as gauche, then I haven't developed him accurately. Juniper will come out in more prominent relief in the next scene, and the reporter will be more dogged in pursuit of the truth.
I'm just thrilled to have you reading this and taking the time to dig deeper and want better things to occur. I truly appreciate that.
Jay
Comment from Terry Broxson
LOL, well Miss Juniper has a plan. This is a good start to what looks like a character-driven story. I am not sure of the date this interview takes place. I am guessing the thirties or the forties. I am not sure how important it is to introduce the time of the setting, but I did wonder about it as I read.
By the way, I may be one of the few who read this that has actually been to Brady, Texas. Not too far from where my father grew up. I also had a buddy in college who lived on a ranch outside of Brady. We went there a few times.
Good start!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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LOL, well Miss Juniper has a plan. This is a good start to what looks like a character-driven story. I am not sure of the date this interview takes place. I am guessing the thirties or the forties. I am not sure how important it is to introduce the time of the setting, but I did wonder about it as I read.
By the way, I may be one of the few who read this that has actually been to Brady, Texas. Not too far from where my father grew up. I also had a buddy in college who lived on a ranch outside of Brady. We went there a few times.
Good start!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Terry. I, too, spent an exciting summer week in Brady, Texas when I was about 12. The flavor has stayed with me all these years. About the date: In the Introduction, between "setting" and "at rise" it shows "Place/Time". It took place in Brady, Texas, 1928. (I had to go back and check; I was afraid I forgot to include it.
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You are right, I did miss it!
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Simply amazing. You bring the woman to life with her dialogue and unique storytelling ability. One of the best pieces I've read of yours. You are a rare talent at stage writing. Loved every second of the post!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Simply amazing. You bring the woman to life with her dialogue and unique storytelling ability. One of the best pieces I've read of yours. You are a rare talent at stage writing. Loved every second of the post!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Tim. That means a lot to me. I'm thrilled to have you aboard this one!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is shaping up to be another great script, Jay. I love the humour in it, and the characters are showing themselves well through the dialogue. The stage set-up is easy to picture. Well done. I look forward to following this.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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This is shaping up to be another great script, Jay. I love the humour in it, and the characters are showing themselves well through the dialogue. The stage set-up is easy to picture. Well done. I look forward to following this.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Yu are sweet, as usual, Judy. Thank you. I hope this continues to satisfy.
Comment from Annmuma
Certainly a first scent that leaves one eagerly awaiting the next one! I enjoyed from line one on and I rarely read scripts. Either I am not astute enough or the ones I've tried are truly a bit boring. Not this one! Loved it and will be watching for Scene 2. ann
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Certainly a first scent that leaves one eagerly awaiting the next one! I enjoyed from line one on and I rarely read scripts. Either I am not astute enough or the ones I've tried are truly a bit boring. Not this one! Loved it and will be watching for Scene 2. ann
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you so very much, Ann. You're plenty astute enough. If it doesn't entertain, it's on the scriptwriter.
Comment from Lobber
A great opening scene.
1. The ) switch to( lighting device is clever but it can be over-used and become intrusive with such short lines.
2. we learn a lot about Fanny & the Reporter...wish we learned more about Juniper^s emotions
3. At the point in the text ) Up till five years ago, the stage curtains would open( is an opportunity for a )live( flashback with Fanny performing and the Reporter taking on the role of an audience member in the tavern. This might require more text for it to work.
4. Some if the stage directions are a bit unnecessary and overdone ... ) REPORTER: -Chewing on his pencil and looking intently at FANNY -...actors can usually figure out what to do with a basic prop
5. Mr Squires^ stage plays tend to be static. Whether this one is the same will be of interest
6. Fanny is a well-presented, believable character.
- Lobber
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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A great opening scene.
1. The ) switch to( lighting device is clever but it can be over-used and become intrusive with such short lines.
2. we learn a lot about Fanny & the Reporter...wish we learned more about Juniper^s emotions
3. At the point in the text ) Up till five years ago, the stage curtains would open( is an opportunity for a )live( flashback with Fanny performing and the Reporter taking on the role of an audience member in the tavern. This might require more text for it to work.
4. Some if the stage directions are a bit unnecessary and overdone ... ) REPORTER: -Chewing on his pencil and looking intently at FANNY -...actors can usually figure out what to do with a basic prop
5. Mr Squires^ stage plays tend to be static. Whether this one is the same will be of interest
6. Fanny is a well-presented, believable character.
- Lobber
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Jer, for your detailed review. I'm especially interested in the observation of how static they tend to be. This is why I value so much your deep experience in stage-work.
I wonder about the point you made about the flashback to five years earlier. I can't conceive of how that could be done without a complete separate set, on a moveable stage and the actress playing Fanny and the actor playing the Reporter moving to the new set, unseen by the audience. Cumbersome, I'm afraid. Your point is well-taken about Juniper. She is written without much of the stage direction that you feel is unnecessary. But still, I see what you're driving at. And it's a good point that I'll keep in mind as I work on scene 2.
Again, thank you, Jer.
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As to point #3 that?s where the magic of theatre comes in and most English majors (blush) should be asked to leave the theatre or sit in the back row.
Rule #1 - theater is all about magic and anything is possible, often for less than an additional buck (1$), and maybe even less. Jay, you already understand the basics of lights, props and costumes etc. - you simply build on these OR remove some - . . . a )complete separate set, on a moveable stage( (with hydraulics?) are NOT required. However, actors who can ^act^ and directors with ^imagination^ are essential. Also, you know me, let^s add audio.
So, let^s go cheap and effective > Solution #1:
before the transition of F^s performance in the Tavern
-)F in flowered housedress ^wearing
her specs^ sitting in rocking chair and sitting on newspaper
-R is wearing a suit with the tie loosened at the neck and askew, a hat on the floor beside him
-J sitting on cot
- bird-chirping audio
-all lights dim to BLACK
? audio switches to honky tonk piano
during blackout:
? F or stage crew move rocking chair off porch to near center stage (cot may have to be adjusted or moved SL); and retrieves newspaper from chair; she hitches up her dress to below knee, perhaps she adds something to her Tavern costume?perhaps a red scarf; she?s facing upstage & standing behind the chair, holding her specs and newspaper
? J (perhaps moves cot) and she moves to )sitting where she always did in the Tavern/bar audience?at a table with a whisky and water glass aside it(
? R becomes a tipsy heckler at the stand up bar? or another table; his jacket off, sleeves rolled up etc.
appropriate lights with a spotlight on the chair go up on F^s line: )Up till five years ago, the stage curtains would open and there?d be only the rockin? chair on the stage.(
F slowly turns DS behind the chair then sits in chair as additional lights come up on her line:
And I?d come from the backstage side carryin? my newspaper in one hand an? my specs in the other.
: : : dialogue continues
A transition back to the porch might happen during ?a dim to black?. To cover the transition I would have the Reporter^s and Fanny^s lines pre-recorded on overhead audio, complete with bird chirps:
)Miss Barnwarmer, I?d like to get a kind of timeline for what happened. So, the first thing you and Miss Juniper did was go into the tavern?(
)FANNY:
(Showing impatience)
Nope. An? if?n you check your notes ? first thing I did was go to the Sentinal. On account of I wanna know about Brady City and the people and what they care about every day.(
Jay, I hope, as I?ve pointed to you before, the writer has to make ^out of the box^ suggestions to the director to help make it ^visual live theater? and not just static, talking heads. Basically, I believe we?re moving from a short story ^formula^ of hollow voices to one using the theatrics of visuals, lights and the magic of surprise.
P.S. - One of the most important characters in theatre is ^silence^
- Lobber (Jerry S)