Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "Football Chapter 43"A mother faces life's struggles.
32 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow, this is a powerful chapter, Barbara. It brought tears to my eyes when they had to tell her boys. They say it's best to write about what you know and you sure proved it here. Excellent job.
One suggestion: "Either did you, so what's your point?" - This should be neither, unless you are using it for an area dialect.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Wow, this is a powerful chapter, Barbara. It brought tears to my eyes when they had to tell her boys. They say it's best to write about what you know and you sure proved it here. Excellent job.
One suggestion: "Either did you, so what's your point?" - This should be neither, unless you are using it for an area dialect.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I was using it in dialogue but I changed it anyway. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Yardier
Very moving, Barbara. I want to be careful how I say this, at first I thought this was going to be a contrived tear jerker. Then, I read your bio and was relieved you were expressing a personal experience. It gives legitimacy to the story at quite a cost from you. You survived and can share with others. Sometimes that's the way God works. With much respect, Yard.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Very moving, Barbara. I want to be careful how I say this, at first I thought this was going to be a contrived tear jerker. Then, I read your bio and was relieved you were expressing a personal experience. It gives legitimacy to the story at quite a cost from you. You survived and can share with others. Sometimes that's the way God works. With much respect, Yard.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Wow! This lady has had her share of trouble for sure. We went through something similar but Mary was benign, This coach is an alright guy. What a twist of things.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Wow! This lady has had her share of trouble for sure. We went through something similar but Mary was benign, This coach is an alright guy. What a twist of things.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Oh, what a blow for Katherine. She has Gabriel, the boys, and her job to think about as she deals with the cancer. Your details about the process seem accurate, and you do a great job of showing how everyone's dealing with it. Very touching chapter. I know you won't let anything bad happen to Katherine. Maybe she'll be convinced not to try to do so much. judi
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Oh, what a blow for Katherine. She has Gabriel, the boys, and her job to think about as she deals with the cancer. Your details about the process seem accurate, and you do a great job of showing how everyone's dealing with it. Very touching chapter. I know you won't let anything bad happen to Katherine. Maybe she'll be convinced not to try to do so much. judi
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. Her bout with cancer is really going to make Katherine think about a lot of things. Great work with this chapter. judi
Comment from Ulla
This is a beautiful chapter, Barbara, and now I understand how you could write in so vivid terms. I didn't know you had breast cancer. It must have been before I started reading your work. This chapter brought a tear to my eyes. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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This is a beautiful chapter, Barbara, and now I understand how you could write in so vivid terms. I didn't know you had breast cancer. It must have been before I started reading your work. This chapter brought a tear to my eyes. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from eliz100
I did not know your personal story. Since your writing so much, I guess you are alright. I was wondering why this came quite late in the book. Are you planning a sequel? There is no room for improvement.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I did not know your personal story. Since your writing so much, I guess you are alright. I was wondering why this came quite late in the book. Are you planning a sequel? There is no room for improvement.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I am not planning a sequel. This came late in the book because I had to build up Katherine and Gabriel's relationship before I hit them with this.
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Thanks that explains it.
Comment from BethShelby
You are doing a excellent job of writing this. The information you share may make other women more aware because breast cancer seems to be very common these days. I know so many survivors of this kind of cancer. Thankfully I don't know many who have not survived. Katherine is fortunate to have such a great support team on her side.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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You are doing a excellent job of writing this. The information you share may make other women more aware because breast cancer seems to be very common these days. I know so many survivors of this kind of cancer. Thankfully I don't know many who have not survived. Katherine is fortunate to have such a great support team on her side.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I do know some who did not survive. It makes you question why. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm so glad you are posting whole chapters now, Barbara, I couldn't bear it if you'd stopped half-way through. This was amazing, it deserves nothing less than a six. Your knowledge has helped you bring this chapter to an end perfectly, and I can't wait to read how it all pans out. I'm hoping very much that Katherine will be a survivor, too. You are incredibly brave writing this, and made for a much better chapter. I was enthralled. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I'm so glad you are posting whole chapters now, Barbara, I couldn't bear it if you'd stopped half-way through. This was amazing, it deserves nothing less than a six. Your knowledge has helped you bring this chapter to an end perfectly, and I can't wait to read how it all pans out. I'm hoping very much that Katherine will be a survivor, too. You are incredibly brave writing this, and made for a much better chapter. I was enthralled. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Jay Squires
Oh ... this has been the hardest review I've ever written. I hope you're satisfied! You had this old man in tears! It's hard being objective when I'm so overwhelmingly involved in the story. Anyway, this is what I've found.
Something told me it wouldn't be good. I'd better get Gabe. [Barbara, either change the first clause to "Something TELLS me THIS ISN'T GOOD" or pull that first clause out of italics. I think you wanted it to be part of the narrative, not a thought, anyway.]
"I have breast cancer." She sobbed. [Whoa! I wasn't expecting that!]
Depending what they find during surgery that could change." [You need the open quote mark here.]
"You've know each other for, what two months?" ["You've KNOWN each other..." (and quit taking me away from the story!)
Katherine stood [Might you show the difficulty she had in standing? Dizziness, whatever?]
"Either did you, so what's your point?" ["Neither (?) did you, ..."]
I don't think you could have written such a compelling chapter unless you had been through the procedure yourself. This was powerfully written. I hope Tom, or the committee, has the foresight to bring recognition to this chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Oh ... this has been the hardest review I've ever written. I hope you're satisfied! You had this old man in tears! It's hard being objective when I'm so overwhelmingly involved in the story. Anyway, this is what I've found.
Something told me it wouldn't be good. I'd better get Gabe. [Barbara, either change the first clause to "Something TELLS me THIS ISN'T GOOD" or pull that first clause out of italics. I think you wanted it to be part of the narrative, not a thought, anyway.]
"I have breast cancer." She sobbed. [Whoa! I wasn't expecting that!]
Depending what they find during surgery that could change." [You need the open quote mark here.]
"You've know each other for, what two months?" ["You've KNOWN each other..." (and quit taking me away from the story!)
Katherine stood [Might you show the difficulty she had in standing? Dizziness, whatever?]
"Either did you, so what's your point?" ["Neither (?) did you, ..."]
I don't think you could have written such a compelling chapter unless you had been through the procedure yourself. This was powerfully written. I hope Tom, or the committee, has the foresight to bring recognition to this chapter.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I don't think Tom or the committee like my writing. REALLY!!! Thank you for the powerful review. I've made the changes.
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I think you're mistaken, Barbara. It's a human thing. This chapter WILL be liked. Whether all will admit it ... that's another matter.
Comment from Begin Again
i think I have been run over by a mack truck....but I do know there are definitely good sides to this situation as well in your post, your life and three times in my mother's. Of course, I cried with every word, but it was so well done and the emotions were perfect. Just knowing, in this case, Katherine has so many people to lean on and receive support really touched me. Very well written.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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i think I have been run over by a mack truck....but I do know there are definitely good sides to this situation as well in your post, your life and three times in my mother's. Of course, I cried with every word, but it was so well done and the emotions were perfect. Just knowing, in this case, Katherine has so many people to lean on and receive support really touched me. Very well written.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.