Saint Mary
This was one of my more memorable patients as a Chaplain.34 total reviews
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I wanted to wait until I regained my available six stars to respond to this heartfelt and yes heartbreaking story.
Mary's life was so full of tragedy and I suspect poverty that life itself overwhelmed both her body and soul. Her 11th hour redemption of faith, penance and reconciliation with her family made your telling her story truly memorable.
Thank you for Mary's story.
Regards
Mary
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I wanted to wait until I regained my available six stars to respond to this heartfelt and yes heartbreaking story.
Mary's life was so full of tragedy and I suspect poverty that life itself overwhelmed both her body and soul. Her 11th hour redemption of faith, penance and reconciliation with her family made your telling her story truly memorable.
Thank you for Mary's story.
Regards
Mary
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and review of my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. And to think you waited to review until you had the sixth star. Thanks again, Mary. To God be the Glory.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Learning about what happened to her poor fourteen year old son, I would have been the same as Mary. What horrorfying pictures that mother went through for the rest of her life. Hearing that her dear son was calling for her and she couldn't be there for him, that would have destroyed me. I'm glad she died with Jesus in her heart, and that she was at peace as she went to meet God. This was such a sad story. Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Learning about what happened to her poor fourteen year old son, I would have been the same as Mary. What horrorfying pictures that mother went through for the rest of her life. Hearing that her dear son was calling for her and she couldn't be there for him, that would have destroyed me. I'm glad she died with Jesus in her heart, and that she was at peace as she went to meet God. This was such a sad story. Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and review of my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the five-star Excellent rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This was an inspiring story about the Lady you call Saint Mary. God knew and understood why she was so bitter. It is a shame she could not find comfort through His word, but the Evil that was visited on her son was unbelievably cruel and then to be told he cried out for his mommy? I would like to hear the sinner's prayer. I probably have heard it, but I cannot recall it at this time. Well done, Dr. Nad. You never gave up on her, very inspiring. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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This was an inspiring story about the Lady you call Saint Mary. God knew and understood why she was so bitter. It is a shame she could not find comfort through His word, but the Evil that was visited on her son was unbelievably cruel and then to be told he cried out for his mommy? I would like to hear the sinner's prayer. I probably have heard it, but I cannot recall it at this time. Well done, Dr. Nad. You never gave up on her, very inspiring. Nancy:)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and review of my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory. Nancy, I am old, and I forget, But, I researched a "Sinners prayer" and I believe I sent it to you. If I didn't, please let me know and I will get it to you.
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What is the first line? Have a nice day. Nancy:) PS I am old too. LOL Maybe you did. Nancy:)
Comment from Janetsue
I have never understood someone hating God because they lost a loved one. God is always good and gracious--it is the world that acts evil and hateful. We were given free will to keep from being acquiescent robots. It is the choice of humans as to how they use their innate free will.
I am so glad your relationship with Mary led to her salvation. It is a wonderful experience when the Lord lets us participate in the process.
You have shared a positive story that could bring others into the fold. :-)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I have never understood someone hating God because they lost a loved one. God is always good and gracious--it is the world that acts evil and hateful. We were given free will to keep from being acquiescent robots. It is the choice of humans as to how they use their innate free will.
I am so glad your relationship with Mary led to her salvation. It is a wonderful experience when the Lord lets us participate in the process.
You have shared a positive story that could bring others into the fold. :-)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and review of my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you also for the Excellent rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from robyn corum
Dr. Nad,
Wow. I can only imagine how frustrating and frightening that would have been at the time. To be struggling to save someone's soul (!) and realizing that time is running out. Knowing that THEY don't get the time constraints, but YOU get it all TOO well.
That would be terrifying.
This lady sure had reason to be angry in life, for sure -- not angry with God, but I can understand her confusion.
This is a scary and hard story. Bless poor Mary and her whole hurting family. I cannot imagine what they all went through. Wow.
I did see a few places that might need more attention, though. I have made notes for you below. Please use what you like and toss the rest.
1.) reveal a short, thin, gray-haired little lady (who) looked much older than the face sheet in my hand said she was.
--> use 'who' when referring to humans (not 'that')
-->is it a 'face' sheet or a 'fact' sheet?
2.) I established rapport with a woman (who) had hated God and could not relate
3.) She expressed to the Chaplain that she was not
--> is this you? If so, you're referring to yourself as another person? Earlier in the post, you were using 'I' and using yourself (the Chaplain) as narrator - but now the chaplain has just become another character in the story...??
--> Consider changing these lines to something more like --> She expressed to the Chaplain she was not ready for that. [and change it to:] --> She explained to me she was not ready for that.
4.) that I could do that. Just then(,) someone said(, "L)et's leave (M)om with the Chaplain(.)"
--> looks like you're having problems punctuating dialogue. Is this just a slip? I have a wonderful website I love to provide to help folks who need to brush up on their skills. Please let me know if you want it?
5.) She quietly responded, "(N)ot now(.)"
***ACK!!!! Come on, Mary, my girl!!! There won't be too many other good times!!!!!***
6.) and she responded(,) "(N)ot today(.)"
7.) including the fact that her 14-year-old brother (and Mary's son) had been kidnapped
--> I would offset this info in parenthesis to help the reader process it. It helps with punctuation and makes it a bit more clear, too. What do you think?
8.) Approximately a week went by and they informed the Chaplain that Mary was in the hospital
--> is this you again or someone else? You really must make up your mind how you want to handle this ---
9.) When the Chaplain walked into the hospital room, I knew immediately that it was a grave situation.
--> This could get very confusing for a reader -- when the CHAPLAIN walked in IIIII KNEW IMMEDIATELY -- that sounds like TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, right??
Okay - enough notes -- *smile*
This is a sweet and precious story. I am sure the family loves to tell this one, too. And it's good to be reading you again. Where have you been, btw? This is an inspiring post and makes me appreciate the hard work you do - but on the writing side, you still have work to do. hahaha (said the horrible, nasty slavedriver.)
Let me know when you edit this one and I'll dash back over and rerate! Thanks a bunch and good luck!
So good to see you!!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Dr. Nad,
Wow. I can only imagine how frustrating and frightening that would have been at the time. To be struggling to save someone's soul (!) and realizing that time is running out. Knowing that THEY don't get the time constraints, but YOU get it all TOO well.
That would be terrifying.
This lady sure had reason to be angry in life, for sure -- not angry with God, but I can understand her confusion.
This is a scary and hard story. Bless poor Mary and her whole hurting family. I cannot imagine what they all went through. Wow.
I did see a few places that might need more attention, though. I have made notes for you below. Please use what you like and toss the rest.
1.) reveal a short, thin, gray-haired little lady (who) looked much older than the face sheet in my hand said she was.
--> use 'who' when referring to humans (not 'that')
-->is it a 'face' sheet or a 'fact' sheet?
2.) I established rapport with a woman (who) had hated God and could not relate
3.) She expressed to the Chaplain that she was not
--> is this you? If so, you're referring to yourself as another person? Earlier in the post, you were using 'I' and using yourself (the Chaplain) as narrator - but now the chaplain has just become another character in the story...??
--> Consider changing these lines to something more like --> She expressed to the Chaplain she was not ready for that. [and change it to:] --> She explained to me she was not ready for that.
4.) that I could do that. Just then(,) someone said(, "L)et's leave (M)om with the Chaplain(.)"
--> looks like you're having problems punctuating dialogue. Is this just a slip? I have a wonderful website I love to provide to help folks who need to brush up on their skills. Please let me know if you want it?
5.) She quietly responded, "(N)ot now(.)"
***ACK!!!! Come on, Mary, my girl!!! There won't be too many other good times!!!!!***
6.) and she responded(,) "(N)ot today(.)"
7.) including the fact that her 14-year-old brother (and Mary's son) had been kidnapped
--> I would offset this info in parenthesis to help the reader process it. It helps with punctuation and makes it a bit more clear, too. What do you think?
8.) Approximately a week went by and they informed the Chaplain that Mary was in the hospital
--> is this you again or someone else? You really must make up your mind how you want to handle this ---
9.) When the Chaplain walked into the hospital room, I knew immediately that it was a grave situation.
--> This could get very confusing for a reader -- when the CHAPLAIN walked in IIIII KNEW IMMEDIATELY -- that sounds like TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, right??
Okay - enough notes -- *smile*
This is a sweet and precious story. I am sure the family loves to tell this one, too. And it's good to be reading you again. Where have you been, btw? This is an inspiring post and makes me appreciate the hard work you do - but on the writing side, you still have work to do. hahaha (said the horrible, nasty slavedriver.)
Let me know when you edit this one and I'll dash back over and rerate! Thanks a bunch and good luck!
So good to see you!!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Well, Robyn, my wife, and I spent a day away from my phone, my computer, and our home. We went to our daughter, S-I-L, and grandchildren's home. Great time.
When I saw your review, I knew you must have seen "something" in my writing that invited you to take your valuable time and talent to kindly educate someone struggling to hone this writing craft. I really want to be able to make an impact on the world through writing.
I went back with fresh eyes and rewrote a number of sections for much-needed clarification and professionalism.
Thanks for the insight and please bring on the "Brush-up Website"
I would love any further insights you have for me. I hope it is now better than "Good."
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Sure!
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this sensitive subject. I commend you for your help and dedication in the process of Mary receiving Jesus before she passed. Your words are well chosen, poignant, and heartfelt.
Thank you for your time and best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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You did a great job with this sensitive subject. I commend you for your help and dedication in the process of Mary receiving Jesus before she passed. Your words are well chosen, poignant, and heartfelt.
Thank you for your time and best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Jan for reading, reviewing, and recognizing the impact of the "Receiving Jesus." I love how God's divine plan has always involved His kids joining Him in kingdom work. Thanks for the 5 stars.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm sure it's times like these when your job is the most difficult, but can also be the most rewarding. You have great strength and determination to bring spiritual peace to those you visit. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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I'm sure it's times like these when your job is the most difficult, but can also be the most rewarding. You have great strength and determination to bring spiritual peace to those you visit. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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Thanks so much for the reading, reviewing, and recognizing God's rewarding in, "Saint Mary". Your affirming words have added to the impact Mary's life is still having. I greatly appreciate the 5 Excellent Stars.
Comment from Eunice Amero
That scare me to death. I thought she was going to lose her soul. But God in His matchless grace and mercey saved her. Praise God. Very few find Jesus on their dying bed. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely story. I enjoyed after I knew she didn't reject Christ.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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That scare me to death. I thought she was going to lose her soul. But God in His matchless grace and mercey saved her. Praise God. Very few find Jesus on their dying bed. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely story. I enjoyed after I knew she didn't reject Christ.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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Thanks so much for the reading, reviewing, and recognizing God's matchless grace and mercy in, "Saint Mary". Your words have added to the impact Mary's life is still having. I greatly appreciate the 5 Excellent Stars.
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Mary still alive? You are more than welcome
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No. Three days after we locked our eyes in that blissful gaze as I backed out of the room, Mary went to be with Jesus.
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Oh wow. She barely made it. Scary huh?
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Yes, but thrilling to know our amazing God said, "No problem, I've got this"
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True, God is so good.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a very touching and beautiful story. I have tears in my eyes. I am glad you are the kind of person that listens to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and refused to give up. The is excelllent writing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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This is a very touching and beautiful story. I have tears in my eyes. I am glad you are the kind of person that listens to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and refused to give up. The is excelllent writing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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Thank You so much for the fantastic Review and those Six Saturday afternoon Stars! You are so right about the gift of God to give this family a final portrait and as Paul Harvey used to say, "The rest of the story." It was such an incredible experience that God allowed me to be a part of.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a powerful and moving story. It is a wonderful, poignant, well written story. It's extraordinary that she was able to get up from what was essentially her death-bed and walk into the living room. What a gift that was for her family. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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This is a powerful and moving story. It is a wonderful, poignant, well written story. It's extraordinary that she was able to get up from what was essentially her death-bed and walk into the living room. What a gift that was for her family. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
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Thank You so much for the fantastic Review and those Five Excellent Stars! You are so right about the gift of God to give this family a final portrait and as Paul Harvey used to say, "Now you know the rest of the story."
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You are welcome.