Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Football Chapter 1 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
33 total reviews
Comment from bhogg
Such a nice post. You've created some suspense regarding the 'gentleman', so anxious to see where it goes from here. You write with an excellent pace. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Such a nice post. You've created some suspense regarding the 'gentleman', so anxious to see where it goes from here. You write with an excellent pace. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 22-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sanku
I hadn't read the prologue and so I read it first. I liked theme and am keen to read this .The first chapter is fine and I loved the comfortable pace in which the story moves. Looking forward to the next.
I wish the cats had not walked out .I am a die hard cat fan.(I like dogs too)
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I hadn't read the prologue and so I read it first. I liked theme and am keen to read this .The first chapter is fine and I loved the comfortable pace in which the story moves. Looking forward to the next.
I wish the cats had not walked out .I am a die hard cat fan.(I like dogs too)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed reading this chapter, Barbara. I like the way you took your tme introducing the characters. The lines about the Texas weather were funny. Jeremy sounds like a typical 6 year old. I like the way they keep 'accidentally' running into each other, but then it is a small town.
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Respectfully, Jan
sidewalk turned a sharp right. Kathrine
dog, staring. Kathrine froze as did Daisy.
[ Kathrine-- in both places, it is missing an 'e' after the h. ]
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I enjoyed reading this chapter, Barbara. I like the way you took your tme introducing the characters. The lines about the Texas weather were funny. Jeremy sounds like a typical 6 year old. I like the way they keep 'accidentally' running into each other, but then it is a small town.
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Respectfully, Jan
sidewalk turned a sharp right. Kathrine
dog, staring. Kathrine froze as did Daisy.
[ Kathrine-- in both places, it is missing an 'e' after the h. ]
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Yes it is missing an e. I will fix that.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Lovely first chapter, and I like how the heroes take shape through their actions and characteristic;"Katherine watched her son through the rearview mirror. "Because I thought maybe I'd need your help. What if I chose the wrong cereal?" She smiled to herself. The real reason; after your older brothers spent twenty-six-and-a-half-hours in the car with you, they're ready to mail you to the Salvation Army. They needed a break." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Lovely first chapter, and I like how the heroes take shape through their actions and characteristic;"Katherine watched her son through the rearview mirror. "Because I thought maybe I'd need your help. What if I chose the wrong cereal?" She smiled to herself. The real reason; after your older brothers spent twenty-six-and-a-half-hours in the car with you, they're ready to mail you to the Salvation Army. They needed a break." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from eliz100
I am so glad I am starting at the beginning. This was a fun, easy read. It keeps me yearning for more. I like the amount of words you deliver and the style you deliver it in with plenty of white space. that makes it kind to the old eyes. There is not any need for improvement.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I am so glad I am starting at the beginning. This was a fun, easy read. It keeps me yearning for more. I like the amount of words you deliver and the style you deliver it in with plenty of white space. that makes it kind to the old eyes. There is not any need for improvement.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara.W, a happy Monday to you. It's been a while since I read your work, this pandemic has me playing catch up on all my Fanstory Biz. I enjoyed the first chapter of your novel, your writing style draws the reader in. Good job, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Hello Barbara.W, a happy Monday to you. It's been a while since I read your work, this pandemic has me playing catch up on all my Fanstory Biz. I enjoyed the first chapter of your novel, your writing style draws the reader in. Good job, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you drop by more often.
Comment from Sally Law
It's always important to enjoy one's writing. I don't think I'd be a writer if it wasn't for the joy it brings.
I enjoyed your first chapter, Barbara. Your love for dogs and children are apparent, and shine all throughout your writing. It's so wonderful to read wholesome stories.
A few comments and thoughts for your consideration.
I needed a little more character fill to match the dialogue. I gleaned from the title that the mystery gentleman is into football by his comment. I thought she was brushing him off because she was still in mourning for her husband. Maybe a little bit of both? I wasn't sure.
A valuable lesson I learned from my writing coach is the foundation of a story. It starts at the beginning, like a horse out of the starting gate that gains momentum and finds his stride. The first two chapters are critical to the story's development. Once I caught this, I took off writing my novellas.
I hope this is helpful and not a deterrent.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for your day,
Sal xos........
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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It's always important to enjoy one's writing. I don't think I'd be a writer if it wasn't for the joy it brings.
I enjoyed your first chapter, Barbara. Your love for dogs and children are apparent, and shine all throughout your writing. It's so wonderful to read wholesome stories.
A few comments and thoughts for your consideration.
I needed a little more character fill to match the dialogue. I gleaned from the title that the mystery gentleman is into football by his comment. I thought she was brushing him off because she was still in mourning for her husband. Maybe a little bit of both? I wasn't sure.
A valuable lesson I learned from my writing coach is the foundation of a story. It starts at the beginning, like a horse out of the starting gate that gains momentum and finds his stride. The first two chapters are critical to the story's development. Once I caught this, I took off writing my novellas.
I hope this is helpful and not a deterrent.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for your day,
Sal xos........
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I purposely didn't reveal a lot in this section because I wanted a bit of a mystery. I'm not sure it worked. I'll wait and see.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Brilliant, two dogs! This is a great start to your new novel, Barbara, and it looks like it might be a fiery one, as well. We know he's a football player, and owns a big dog. That's it. We know just about everything about Katherine, but I'm sure more will follow. She has only been widowed six months, so I'm not sure if it would be too soon for a relationship to develope between them, but who knows? I will be waiting to find out! Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Brilliant, two dogs! This is a great start to your new novel, Barbara, and it looks like it might be a fiery one, as well. We know he's a football player, and owns a big dog. That's it. We know just about everything about Katherine, but I'm sure more will follow. She has only been widowed six months, so I'm not sure if it would be too soon for a relationship to develope between them, but who knows? I will be waiting to find out! Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This story has the makings of a great novel! The characters are engaging, the dogs can play a part, and a child adds a new dimension. I look forward to the next post!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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This story has the makings of a great novel! The characters are engaging, the dogs can play a part, and a child adds a new dimension. I look forward to the next post!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from AJ McCall
At first I thought Reggies was the guy - I was wrong. But It was a clever idea. I like the way the story staretd off. The way you write the scene is simple, but intriguing to read. And to state a fact, I'm in Texas, and I moved from NY, and I cannot stand the heat here! I could relate with some things in this story it's very intriguing and cleverly written. I love the last line, "Yep, Reggie scared her," ... I was waiting for a little description of the gentleman. I think you should include maybe his skin, hair or eye color just to give us readers a better picture of him, unless that's intentional not to let us know what he looks like. :)
I want to know what happens next!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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At first I thought Reggies was the guy - I was wrong. But It was a clever idea. I like the way the story staretd off. The way you write the scene is simple, but intriguing to read. And to state a fact, I'm in Texas, and I moved from NY, and I cannot stand the heat here! I could relate with some things in this story it's very intriguing and cleverly written. I love the last line, "Yep, Reggie scared her," ... I was waiting for a little description of the gentleman. I think you should include maybe his skin, hair or eye color just to give us readers a better picture of him, unless that's intentional not to let us know what he looks like. :)
I want to know what happens next!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement. It's intentional, right now.
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You're welcome! Oh, okay. :)