The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 84 "Pakor, Kurta and Lungi"A Novel
28 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
Excellent chapter. Out poor erudite travel writer--
school smarts may puff you up, but street smarts can save your life,
especially when they come in the form of the mysterious, alluring Helen.
"Remember, you're a mute. No answering back." Excellent use of the 'mute' button. A well developed scene that lends itself to many possibilities for humor or drama.
Nicely done
Robert
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Hello Tony,
Excellent chapter. Out poor erudite travel writer--
school smarts may puff you up, but street smarts can save your life,
especially when they come in the form of the mysterious, alluring Helen.
"Remember, you're a mute. No answering back." Excellent use of the 'mute' button. A well developed scene that lends itself to many possibilities for humor or drama.
Nicely done
Robert
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thanks. Robert. I think that's the first time I've used the mute button. I hope it works and the poor man remembers to keep his mouth shut.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This chapter is super funny, your heroes are now tagged as terrorists and had to change there appearances so they can get back on the road to finish their mission. I really laugh reading these bits and pieces: "Ridiculous! I'd look like a European in fancy dress. I'd stand out like a snowman in the desert. About the same chance of survival, too. What are kurtas and lungis, anyway? They sound like exotic varieties of mushroom - and I'm being treated like one."
Being kept in the dark and fed on bullshit." Thank you for sharing waiting for the nest chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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This chapter is super funny, your heroes are now tagged as terrorists and had to change there appearances so they can get back on the road to finish their mission. I really laugh reading these bits and pieces: "Ridiculous! I'd look like a European in fancy dress. I'd stand out like a snowman in the desert. About the same chance of survival, too. What are kurtas and lungis, anyway? They sound like exotic varieties of mushroom - and I'm being treated like one."
Being kept in the dark and fed on bullshit." Thank you for sharing waiting for the nest chapter.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Iza. Glad to hear that I'm continuing to entertain you! All good wishes, Tony
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Tony, you have a remarkable story I hope you will be published soon
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Tony, you have a remarkable story I hope you will be published soon
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Tony, you have a remarkable story I hope you will be published soon
Comment from lyenochka
Another entertaining post, Tony! I knew that Helen was talented but she can change Charles' skin color, too? I wish I knew how she did that with just the loofah and black tea in just one night. Poor Charles, he's always under her control.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Another entertaining post, Tony! I knew that Helen was talented but she can change Charles' skin color, too? I wish I knew how she did that with just the loofah and black tea in just one night. Poor Charles, he's always under her control.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Helen. Glad you enjoyed it. Accoding to the internet, if you exfoliate the skin and then apply strong black tea or coffee, it will produce a tan that lasts two or three days. I?ve never tried it!
Comment from JudyE
I'm glad Helen has come up with a way of getting them out of this situation.
I picked up very few points:
though it seemed to me a pointless exercise, more like woolgathering. - Being picky but maybe 'though to me it seemed...' I don't think it makes any difference really but I'll leave it now I've written it.
Still, at times like this, daydreams are better than lying down and giving up. - should it be 'are better' or 'were better'?
Five minutes later, I reappeared in a loose fitting, collarless shirt and a kind of sarong. - should 'loose fitting' be hyphenated?
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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I'm glad Helen has come up with a way of getting them out of this situation.
I picked up very few points:
though it seemed to me a pointless exercise, more like woolgathering. - Being picky but maybe 'though to me it seemed...' I don't think it makes any difference really but I'll leave it now I've written it.
Still, at times like this, daydreams are better than lying down and giving up. - should it be 'are better' or 'were better'?
Five minutes later, I reappeared in a loose fitting, collarless shirt and a kind of sarong. - should 'loose fitting' be hyphenated?
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Thanks very much for your review and suggestions, Judy. As always, much appreciated. All the best, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I have a feeling Helen is going to make Charles regret the manservant angle, but I'm sure it probably is the only way to remain safe. One again, I completely enjoyed reading this installment.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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I have a feeling Helen is going to make Charles regret the manservant angle, but I'm sure it probably is the only way to remain safe. One again, I completely enjoyed reading this installment.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Many thanks for your review, Barbara. Glad you?re still enjoying it. All the best, Tony
Comment from royowen
So further complications have arisen, and the police are now looking for two foreigners with decidedly European features etc. so now both Helen and Charles have to look like locals to escape scrutiny. Well done Tony, great episode. (You have done some great research for this story, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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So further complications have arisen, and the police are now looking for two foreigners with decidedly European features etc. so now both Helen and Charles have to look like locals to escape scrutiny. Well done Tony, great episode. (You have done some great research for this story, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Thanks very much, Roy. I appreciate the comments. One of the advantages of writing a story like this is that I?m getting to know quite a bit about some of these places.. I must go and visit one day!
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I think Pakistan has a warning, the cricket won?t, heh, heh, France and England are good.
Comment from juliaSjames
An ingenious escape plan. Helen will do her part and I hope drag Charles safely along with her. Love the description of the city at evening. The calm before the storm.
Nicely done.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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An ingenious escape plan. Helen will do her part and I hope drag Charles safely along with her. Love the description of the city at evening. The calm before the storm.
Nicely done.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Julia. I appreciate your comments. Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Best wishes, Tony.
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You're welcome Tony. I'm in the early stages of recuperation from knee surgery. FanStory is a wonderful distraction from the discomfort. LOL
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter. Sometimes there is is a desperate need to disguise oneself in order to escape from the police who's looking for you for something you didn't do.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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A very well-written chapter. Sometimes there is is a desperate need to disguise oneself in order to escape from the police who's looking for you for something you didn't do.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Sandra. As always, very much appreciated. Tony.
Comment from shaffer40
Your writing is excellent, and the chapter is interesting. I especially like this image:
"How do I look?" I pirouetted like a mannequin on the catwalk, almost tripping over my sarong.
And, there is some funny dialogue:
"Let me show you how to tie the lungi properly, so you don't end up with it around your ankles."
And the vision of him in his underwear.
"There's no need to start ordering me around just yet."
********************************************
I had a couple suggestions for word usage & punctuation:
Regarding: Two foreigners were climbing into the back of the taxi, a man
and a woman. They think they must be accomplices, because the taxi
accelerated away as soon as the police gave chase.
Avoid using the word "they" twice so close together & omit "away".
Suggest:
Two foreigners were climbing into the back of the taxi, a man and a
woman thought to be accomplices, because the taxi accelerated as
soon as the police gave chase."
He looked me up and down then beckoned me into the back of the shop.
Suggest comma after "down"
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Your writing is excellent, and the chapter is interesting. I especially like this image:
"How do I look?" I pirouetted like a mannequin on the catwalk, almost tripping over my sarong.
And, there is some funny dialogue:
"Let me show you how to tie the lungi properly, so you don't end up with it around your ankles."
And the vision of him in his underwear.
"There's no need to start ordering me around just yet."
********************************************
I had a couple suggestions for word usage & punctuation:
Regarding: Two foreigners were climbing into the back of the taxi, a man
and a woman. They think they must be accomplices, because the taxi
accelerated away as soon as the police gave chase.
Avoid using the word "they" twice so close together & omit "away".
Suggest:
Two foreigners were climbing into the back of the taxi, a man and a
woman thought to be accomplices, because the taxi accelerated as
soon as the police gave chase."
He looked me up and down then beckoned me into the back of the shop.
Suggest comma after "down"
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Very many thanks for this helpful review and suggestions. Much appreciated. I'll have another look at those parts. I appreciate your time to comment. All good wishes,Tony
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You're terribly welcome.
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Tootsie55
Well done and sorry I missed the previous chapter. I did review it and it is ok. Already "All Time Best" so no need for a review from me, ok. This was an excellent addition to the exciting tale.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Well done and sorry I missed the previous chapter. I did review it and it is ok. Already "All Time Best" so no need for a review from me, ok. This was an excellent addition to the exciting tale.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Good of you to drop a six on this chapter, Geoffrey. Appreciated, as always. Best wishes, Tony