Comment from Sylvia Page

Excellent

Something to expect when a woman goes shopping for clothes. Can imagine the time Charles spent on eating his greasy gol gappas and washing them down with a refreshing mug of ginger tea, then going on to buy those wedding bands and Helen was yet not ready with her purchases.
Quiet a descriptive write of the car ride and shopping centre. All this gave a clear picture.
Sylvia

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

Many thanks, Sylvia. Shopping for clothes always seems to me to be an unutterable bore. Anything to avoid it! I'm with Charles there. Glad you found the descriptive detail effective in giving a clear picture. All good wishes, Tony

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

This is very well written, Tony. I wish I had read the previous chapters to have a better understanding of what is going on. Let me know when you publish it and I will buy a copy! Great work, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

I appreciate your interest and kind words, Debbie. Although I am now nearing the end of my first draft, I still have the formidable tasks of structural and line editing to do. However, I hope the manuscript will be ready before the end of the year. I'm realistic about the improbability of finding a conventional publisher, but will give it a go before resorting to self-publishing.

Comment from Mackenzie Cooper

Excellent

This is a very cute chapter. I have never been to Pakistan but I have been in situations where I have felt very surrounded by people trying to sell things. The small details helped make the story interesting have no holes or cracks to slip through. Hope to read more soon!

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

Very many thanks for your review, Mackenzie. I appreciate your comments about the small details. There's another chapter in the pipeline that will probably get posted later today or tomorrow. All the best, Tony.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written chapter, shopping is quite fun when we have enough money to buy whatever we like at any price. I usually pay whatever the price is if I trely want the item.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

Your review made me smile. I'm hopeless at bargaining and almost invariably end up paying too high a price.

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

Beautiful chapter with a little spice and real feeling from the real world. I like your style is smooth and carry free. The moral of this chapter is: don't go shopping with a beautiful woman:) she needs the finest dress and for that she will spent as much time as needed until she finds the perfect outfit:)

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

So kind of you to keep reading and reviewing my work, Iza. I do appreciate it. Thank you for your kind words about the style of my writing. I thoroughly dislike shopping, and in this I am at one with Charles!

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Tony,

I guess I missed the part about the wedding rings - why is he buying them and why he would need TWO??? Is that only to get them cheaper? I'm not trusting a guy who is only concerned about getting a cheap wedding ring...

??

Thanks -

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

The wedding rings are purely a practical device to give credence. Living in sin in an Islamic state like Pakistan can have dangerous consequences. Two rings? Why, one for each of them of course! ? and yes, he did get suckered into it! LOL

reply by robyn corum on 23-Aug-2019

duh

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Great descriptions of their first taxi ride with Rasheed, you really put us right their in this scene. Enjoyed the paragraph, ending with -
Even amongst the birds, there are beggars. cute. Great chapter Tony and well written the scene of Helen's shopping jaunt.
typo - Rasheed was a (as) good as his word
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

Very many thanks for your review, Valda. I appreciate your comments about the taxi ride. Thanks, too, for spotting the typo. All the best, Tony

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Oh my what a nightmare. I couldn't stand being in that "seething" crowd with beggars tugging at your heart and then having to wait in that unfamiliar situation while merchants grasping at your money.

One comment is that in American English, "Chinaman" would be considered derogatory. You might have intended that from Charles' point of view. But it might be a problem as you know we are highly oversensitive about racial terms here.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019

Thanks, Helen. I am with you in detesting crowds! I appreciate your comment about 'Chinaman'. It never occurred to me that it might be considered derogatory, any more than 'Englishman' might be. I've now changed it to Chinese man.

Comment from Susan X Smith

Excellent

My main comment about this piece is that it made me want to read more. I wanted to find out what Helen was doing and how she felt when presented with the ring(s). Anyway that is the mark, I think, of a successful piece.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019

Thank you, Susan, for dropping by to review this chapter. Your comments are most encouraging. Delighted to have piqued your interest. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Tpa

Excellent

I thought your writing was good. The chapter for me seemed slow. I think there was too much focus on the rings. I did think the ending gave the reader something to look forward in sequent chapters. good luck in your writing.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019

Thanks, Tpa. This is the lull before the storm. However, I may cut some of it in the final edit. All the best, Tony