Comment from Heather Knight

Excellent

Is Big C cocaine? I googled it, but I only found a shopping webpage...

I like your attention to detail: Helen grasped the door knocker, a curiously wrought brass dragon

Great dialogue as usual.

Just one little thing: I don't understand the answer in this exchange:
"Sorry, old man. No offense meant. Come on, let's sit down. Can I pour you a drink?"
"I don't."
Do you mean 'I don't drink'?

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019

Thanks very much for your review and comments, Maria. Yes, the Big C is apparently one of the many expressions denoting cocaine.
You are right. Alain means that he doesn't drink alcohol. I cut it down to two words to emphasise his gruffness. Maybe I should expand it a little so that the sense isn't lost.

Comment from djsaxon

Excellent

Good, power packed continuance.

Kayla backed away like a cornered animal, (turned) and buried her head beneath a pillow. Helen turned to Alain with an anguished look.

Drawing himself up straight(er),

curled in a catatonic state upon the bed. Kayla goes from spread eagled to backed away and then the catatonic curl. Doesn't sit well with me.

With the greatest respect - DJ

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019

Thanks, DJ. As usual, you have unerringly pinpointed weaknesses in this chapter. I agree with your comments and have made changes accordingly. All the best, Tony

reply by djsaxon on 06-Jul-2019

I have such high regard for your pen and always feel awkward about my gentle negatives. If you publish this in one volume I am gonna have to make some serious space on my book shelves :-) DJ

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

Great chapter Tony, and what a good place to finish it, leaving us hanging in the balance waiting for Alain's story. Poor Kayla, you really described well the chaotic scene with her slumped across the bed.
Enjoyed it,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019

Very many thanks for awarding this latest chapter a sixth star, Valda.
I appreciate your supportive comments and it's good to hear that you're still enjoying the story. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from giraffmang

Exceptional

Hi Tony,

Very intriguing indeed. Excellent stopping point in the proceedings. Your end of instalments is very good, always leaving that trail, asking the reader to just turn one more page. lol

but Kayla backed away like a cornered animal, turned away and buried her head beneath a pillow.- personally, I'd omit the second use of 'away' here, just to avoid the close repetition. You don't need a substitutes as the sentence works without it.

Kayla isn't in too good a state here. I want more of her story, what's there beneath the layers.

Still loving this.
G

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019

I appreciate the sixth star, G., and your suggestion. I've deleted 'turned away', which doesn't alter the essential meaning and avoids the close repetition of 'turned' as well.
I think Kayla is potentially a much more interesting character than Helen. I suspect she may make at least a partial recovery.

Comment from annh

Excellent

A wonderful read! I am not familiar with the backstory either, but no matter. I found this piece well paced and deftly plotted. You write knowledgeably and authentically. The French phrase adds to the flavour of the chapter, and the translation you have included reads naturally. All good! Cheers, annh :)

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019

Very many thanks for this review and your positive comments. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from royowen

Excellent

So I see that Kayla is spiralling downwards in a cocaine, booze induced state, but Alaine is trying to help her "dry out" at least from cocaine, while allowing her booze to at least ease the shock. They're discovering Andre may be more than just a performer and Kayla's lover. Well done Tony,blessjngs, Roy

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019

Thanks for your review and comments, Roy. Have a great weekend. Best wishes, Tony.

Comment from Earl Corp

Excellent

I guess jumping in the middle of this was not a good idea i was lost from the get go. It did help you have an extensive list of characters in your author's notes.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019

Thanks for dropping by, Earl Yes, it's a complex plot and there are frequent references in this to what went on in previous chapters. I can understand your confusion, coming into it cold at this stage. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Tootsie55

Excellent

We came through here already from the other side. Just catching up for more points for you and more "Moola" hehe for me. This was a good mysterious and different read. Don't forget to check out sankey for chapters you might have missed.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019

Thanks very much for your review. Always appreciated, as you know. I'll have a look at your continuing adventures around Australia! I may be off-site for a while, depending on wifi coverage, as I have to make another road trip up to Brisbane next week.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written chapter about people who are always lying to safe their lives and at the end when the truth comes to light they have a lot of explaining tio do.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019

Thanks, Sandra. As always, I appreciate your review. Have a good weekend. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from estory

Excellent

The loose ends of the story seem to be tied back together again in this chapter, as we come back across Kayla and Alain, and see her strung out after the influence of Andre. The drug traffickers/ terrorists seem to be looming in the background again, listening in the next room, as they try to nurse Kayla back to strength. We also feel some of that rivalry between Alain and Andre. Then at the end Charles overhears some new takes on the story with Alain's sister, a very different story than the one he has heard so far. The dialogue is crisp and a bit tense, as it should be, you put us there in the scene with all the banging on the door in the street. estory

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019

Thanks, estory. As always, I appreciate your review. Thanks for your comments about the descriptions and dialogue. Have a good weekend. Best wishes, Tony