The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Seizure"A Novel
36 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Going along fine, Tony. These are the only stars I have , for this is worth more. You have stepped up the action, considerably, but the funny thing is, which is a plus, you haven't lost that beautiful real ness of characters, the aura that surrounds the cultural aspects that give the unconscious mind pride of place within the narrative.
Bravo.
My best wishes. Strong write...and picking up pace nicely.
RG
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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Going along fine, Tony. These are the only stars I have , for this is worth more. You have stepped up the action, considerably, but the funny thing is, which is a plus, you haven't lost that beautiful real ness of characters, the aura that surrounds the cultural aspects that give the unconscious mind pride of place within the narrative.
Bravo.
My best wishes. Strong write...and picking up pace nicely.
RG
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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Very many thanks for your comments, Roy. I appreciate your continued support and encouragement - especially your comments about the characters and cultural aspects. Best wishes, as always. Tony
Comment from etreefrog
Building nicely, and enjoyable! I've been enjoying your chapter transitions; always a bit of tension and often humor.
I'm sure you have accolades a plenty, so let me move to a few comments that might be of editing interest to you. You are certainly accomplished, so please take these as questions in the form of comments:
*As we are already in the head (and behind the eyes) of the narrator, I don't see a reason to use italics to distinguish his comments to himself. They are clearly rhetorical (not addressed to me!). It seems appropriate to use them to identify texts, as you have also done.
*I found the vocabulary/syntax, etc, of this chapter to be very consistent with that of the last. A couple of notes on that score: When Helen and Charles reunite, she says "A terrible thing has happened." This struck me as being still a bit stiff (some Bronte, perhaps). I think she would have used a more agitated expression. Similarly, would she have said, in her rush to explain, that the doctor had just given Jeanne a "cursory examination" (which he had, of course), or would she have used a more shorthand expression?
*How were Helen and Charles seated that allowed her to give him a playful nudge? I had them in separate chairs.
*Might the grammar be: If they were hot on our trail, they 'would have been' here already?
*Might the sentence read: ...Helen suggested that she 'keep' the lonely vigil...?
That's it. You know I'm a fan, so take my opinions as a light mist, not a real rain!
best, Erik
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Building nicely, and enjoyable! I've been enjoying your chapter transitions; always a bit of tension and often humor.
I'm sure you have accolades a plenty, so let me move to a few comments that might be of editing interest to you. You are certainly accomplished, so please take these as questions in the form of comments:
*As we are already in the head (and behind the eyes) of the narrator, I don't see a reason to use italics to distinguish his comments to himself. They are clearly rhetorical (not addressed to me!). It seems appropriate to use them to identify texts, as you have also done.
*I found the vocabulary/syntax, etc, of this chapter to be very consistent with that of the last. A couple of notes on that score: When Helen and Charles reunite, she says "A terrible thing has happened." This struck me as being still a bit stiff (some Bronte, perhaps). I think she would have used a more agitated expression. Similarly, would she have said, in her rush to explain, that the doctor had just given Jeanne a "cursory examination" (which he had, of course), or would she have used a more shorthand expression?
*How were Helen and Charles seated that allowed her to give him a playful nudge? I had them in separate chairs.
*Might the grammar be: If they were hot on our trail, they 'would have been' here already?
*Might the sentence read: ...Helen suggested that she 'keep' the lonely vigil...?
That's it. You know I'm a fan, so take my opinions as a light mist, not a real rain!
best, Erik
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Many thanks, Erik. You have made several valuable suggestions here. I have had other pertinent suggestions from various reviewers about this chapter, and have rewritten the central section of it as a result. I'm finding that your comments about the tone of the language when characters are speaking is particularly useful. Very much appreciated.
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You're so welome!
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You are welcome, too! Welome is an old slang for Well Home meaning Almost There. Or it's a typo.
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Hi, you were kind to review me before; could I ask you to look at "We're All Listening"? It doesn't pay much and disappears tomorrow morning, but I would like to know what you think...
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Hi Erik. I?m having computer problems at the moment and won?t be able to review this properly for a while. Trying to do so on my iPhone is too time-consuming. I have not got the knack that youngsters seem to have! I?ll get to it though, for it is an interesting poem and I have a number of queries and suggestions about your use of free verse - a particularly demanding form.
Comment from Sugarray77
This chapter seems to offer anticipations of a coming change of course. I like the usage of European terms, places and culture. I'm curious about Helen's diary. Well done and all the best!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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This chapter seems to offer anticipations of a coming change of course. I like the usage of European terms, places and culture. I'm curious about Helen's diary. Well done and all the best!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Sugarray. I appreciate your comments and continued interest. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from giraffmang
Hmmm, I wonder about the timing of Jeanne's affliction. Convenient, either for her, or the plot...lol
Really good chapter here. This is transpiring into a great tale with a few pleasant twists. the writing is crisp and dialogue spot on.
L'Ardoise Gourmande and the escargots are to die for. " - delete the space before the closing speech mark.
Urggg! Snails! I hope - personally, I'd stick an 'h' on the end of the exclamation.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Hmmm, I wonder about the timing of Jeanne's affliction. Convenient, either for her, or the plot...lol
Really good chapter here. This is transpiring into a great tale with a few pleasant twists. the writing is crisp and dialogue spot on.
L'Ardoise Gourmande and the escargots are to die for. " - delete the space before the closing speech mark.
Urggg! Snails! I hope - personally, I'd stick an 'h' on the end of the exclamation.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Thanks, G. Have already changed that to Ugh - not sure what possessed me! I appreciate the sixth star. As you astutely observe, a well timed seizure. Not too contrived, I hope!
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No, there's enough ground work done in the previous instalments about her condition that it fits. But it does raise questions, which is perfect.
Comment from Tpa
I enjoyed your writing very much. Your descriptions are so vivid and very well-written. I am so much enjoying your voice and how well pace your story goes. I thank you for the opportunity of investing my time in your lovely work.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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I enjoyed your writing very much. Your descriptions are so vivid and very well-written. I am so much enjoying your voice and how well pace your story goes. I thank you for the opportunity of investing my time in your lovely work.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Tpa. I appreciate your very kind comments and continued interest. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Spitfire
And the humorous banter goes on between Charles and Helen. For while I thought the doctor was really part of the Mafia when he wanted to take Jeanne to the hospital. A lot of local setting and I'm guessing you love the food ordered.An author does tend to put himself in the picture. LOL
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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And the humorous banter goes on between Charles and Helen. For while I thought the doctor was really part of the Mafia when he wanted to take Jeanne to the hospital. A lot of local setting and I'm guessing you love the food ordered.An author does tend to put himself in the picture. LOL
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Shari. I appreciate your comments and continued interest. I do like most French food, but I can't say that I'm particularly smitten by snails - a bit like eating bits of gristle soaked in garlic butter! LOL Best wishes, Tony
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That would be my opinion too.
Comment from country ranch writer
They sure have had their moments on this journey glad she will be okay after her ordeal. Hopefully, the journal will help them get the information they are looking for.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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They sure have had their moments on this journey glad she will be okay after her ordeal. Hopefully, the journal will help them get the information they are looking for.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thanks for your continued support, CRW I appreciate your read and review. All the best, Tony.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Seems like all I do with my reviews is tell you how much I like your story. You are a good writer, there's no denying it. So, I have nothing useful to say but praise.
This chapter is great as well, and if I had a six star, I would award it.
I do have a comment for this one though. I am assuming your will publish this work so I am trying to be helpful. If Helen is as upset as she seems to be, you don't stop for coffee. You find out what is wrong and attack the problem. You sure don't give her alcohol. That is patronizing.
The chapter is written perfectly, but if you do change it up for publication, treat Helen a little differently in this chapter. Just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Seems like all I do with my reviews is tell you how much I like your story. You are a good writer, there's no denying it. So, I have nothing useful to say but praise.
This chapter is great as well, and if I had a six star, I would award it.
I do have a comment for this one though. I am assuming your will publish this work so I am trying to be helpful. If Helen is as upset as she seems to be, you don't stop for coffee. You find out what is wrong and attack the problem. You sure don't give her alcohol. That is patronizing.
The chapter is written perfectly, but if you do change it up for publication, treat Helen a little differently in this chapter. Just a suggestion.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Many thanks for your review and suggestion of six-worthiness. I am interested in your comments about Helen in this chapter - aspects that I had not thought of. I shall have to give them some consideration.
Although Helen is upset about Jeanne's seizure, and breathless from trying to be in two places at once, there isn't actually any immediate further action that needs to be taken now that she is re-united with Charles - which is why I gave them the time to pause and for her to fill Charles in on what had happened. Of course he was wrong, medically, to give her alcohol - but he's probably one of those misguided people brought up on stories of St Bernard dogs bringing succour to people in the Alpine regions by virtue of a small cask of brandy slung around their necks! Not the recommended treatment for hypothermia!
Anyway, I take your point on this and will mark this section for review in the final edit. Much appreciated. All the best, Tony
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I?m not trying to argue my silly point, but I want you to have that best seller. Charles did not know whether there was an emergency or not when he starting plying the coffee break. Maybe that is realistic. People want other people to calm down. I would find it patronizing. Don?t tell me a cup of coffee will make me better.
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Hi Debbie. Now that I?ve had most of the review suggestions for this chapter, I?ve had another look and have rewritten the central section of it. I hope the rewrite addresses your concerns properly.
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I will definitely check it out, but I was going to write you. In the middle of the night I thought of a solution. Have Helen suggest to get the coffee. She knows she has time and needs the coffee. Keep the alcohol as is then.
I am headed for your story right now though to see your revisions.
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I just read it. I am still laughing. I even read it to my family.
That fixes it alright. It's good. Men do not realize when they are being patronizing. They just want things to be ok. Helen called him of it. Go, Helen.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
So, what have we here? The mafia? I wouldn't put it past them. There is lots going on in this story, and I'm enjoying every word of it. I wonder what Charles will learn from Helen's journal. Was it wise for him to leave her? We'll see. Excellent part, my friend. Well done. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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So, what have we here? The mafia? I wouldn't put it past them. There is lots going on in this story, and I'm enjoying every word of it. I wonder what Charles will learn from Helen's journal. Was it wise for him to leave her? We'll see. Excellent part, my friend. Well done. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Sandra. It does seem a bit foolish of Charles to leave the scene of action, to go and read Helen's journal by himself - especially as he's already just had a bit of a scare from having done the same thing at the station. Some people never learn! :))
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a good chapter with a lot of action, Tony. You described the chaotic scene of Helen and Charles trying to find other well. It seems to me that the old lady may have been poisoned while she was separated from Helen.
Not sure if Charles would really read the journal in public especially after he has surveyed several times for those of the Mafia, or even if they would hang around at a restaurant when they were trying to hide at first. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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This is a good chapter with a lot of action, Tony. You described the chaotic scene of Helen and Charles trying to find other well. It seems to me that the old lady may have been poisoned while she was separated from Helen.
Not sure if Charles would really read the journal in public especially after he has surveyed several times for those of the Mafia, or even if they would hang around at a restaurant when they were trying to hide at first. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Jan. Yes, I guess that poisoning is a possibility. Time will tell.
Charles does seem to be taking a rather laid-back attitude, considering the pursuit. I hope he doesn't regret it too much.