The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #6"America's First Female Comic
34 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, you certainly covered that dramatic deliverance of justice that Juniper executed. I liked that Fanny explained that the trial was necessary in order for the whole story to get out and told. So that the murder of her father would be told to the whole town.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2022
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Well, you certainly covered that dramatic deliverance of justice that Juniper executed. I liked that Fanny explained that the trial was necessary in order for the whole story to get out and told. So that the murder of her father would be told to the whole town.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Helen. I'm happy that you hooked into Juniper's strong needs. This should be the end of the play. I wish it were the end of the play. I may end the play here anyway.
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You do need an epilogue. How about a summary of the trial? I hoping for a change in people's attitude and their understanding of Juniper's actions.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Fanny told this last part of the Juniper story in a long, slow, drawn out manner, as you allowed the suspense to build. Now that the story has been told, I don't know what is about to happen. I'm finished the popcorn I had for Act II, scene 1, so I'll go for the sweet tea. This is another captivating and satisfying scene.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Fanny told this last part of the Juniper story in a long, slow, drawn out manner, as you allowed the suspense to build. Now that the story has been told, I don't know what is about to happen. I'm finished the popcorn I had for Act II, scene 1, so I'll go for the sweet tea. This is another captivating and satisfying scene.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Sounds as though you are saying the rest will be anti-climactic, no? LOL. Thank you, Lorraine, for weighing in. I hope to have a few surprises remaining.
Comment from Ulla
Well, Jay, I have to disagree with the reviewer who said that this is only for old people to read. I'm not that old, and I find it fascinating and very well written. If younger people can't see quality when it's there, then the world has become a sad place to be. I'm looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Well, Jay, I have to disagree with the reviewer who said that this is only for old people to read. I'm not that old, and I find it fascinating and very well written. If younger people can't see quality when it's there, then the world has become a sad place to be. I'm looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Haha, thank you for your feelings, Ulla. That did sound like what he said, didn't it? But like I told him, he made some valid points about the lack of action and stakes. And he wasn't out to hurt me. If I were to offer a comparison, my play has more the feeling of an Agatha Christy "cozy" than a Dashiel Hammett mystery. I so do appreciate your six stars, my dear friend.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Great examples of onomatopoeia. It's a nice change from the ever used 'pop pop' pop' I just learned that p's are important to the effect. Watch your lips when you pronounce the p. There is a tiny explosion. Cool huh? Great image: I jes feeled my heart fly outen my mouth," I like yoir play on words: "Evidently, there are no cattle that you have to sell.
(FANNY'S eyes grazing left to right and back again," This is so excellent. I'm glad Monday's dun roll aroun so'sin I kin giv you a A+.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Great examples of onomatopoeia. It's a nice change from the ever used 'pop pop' pop' I just learned that p's are important to the effect. Watch your lips when you pronounce the p. There is a tiny explosion. Cool huh? Great image: I jes feeled my heart fly outen my mouth," I like yoir play on words: "Evidently, there are no cattle that you have to sell.
(FANNY'S eyes grazing left to right and back again," This is so excellent. I'm glad Monday's dun roll aroun so'sin I kin giv you a A+.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Awwwww, thank you, my dear! Not just for the six stars but your encouraging review. I'm glad you seized upon a few examples of what particularly moved you. Particularly the onomatopoetic "pip, pip, pip".
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I have to tell you, Jay. This is a long story; hard to understand at time because of the dialect. I know you will get the typical FanStory reviews (sixes from seniors), but I can't see this in wide release. There is too much dialogue and no action or stakes. No matter what Fanny says or confesses too. Nothing will happen to a woman her age. Outside the senior population, the younger people will be bored.
You write well, but the story itself is too niche. Do you agree?
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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Hmm, I have to tell you, Jay. This is a long story; hard to understand at time because of the dialect. I know you will get the typical FanStory reviews (sixes from seniors), but I can't see this in wide release. There is too much dialogue and no action or stakes. No matter what Fanny says or confesses too. Nothing will happen to a woman her age. Outside the senior population, the younger people will be bored.
You write well, but the story itself is too niche. Do you agree?
Comment Written 11-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022
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I wonder why I would get sixes from the seniors? You do have some valid points though. About the lack of stakes, and nothing really happening outside of the dialogue. But why would that interest old folks, but bore young people? You don't seem to have much respect for those of us in our twilight years. Do you think that our critical judgment is the second thing that goes limp in us. LOL
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LOL. No. People are tribal. They like to see themselves as the heroes of their stories. They tend to like stories that showcase their time, their values, themselves. It's why comic book writers created Robin for Batman. The buyers of the comics were kids, and they related and wanted stories that included them.
On FanStory most of the members are seniors and women with pets (dogs and cats) So, what types of stories do we see endlessly?
Most are past the sexual period in their lives. So, what type of stories to they dislike the most? (the things they can no longer do). Fanny sits, talks, and remanences. So....
Younger folks are more active. So they would want to see themselves being active.
I have great respect for seniors. I hope to be one soon.
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LOL. No. People are tribal. They like to see themselves as the heroes of their stories. They tend to like stories that showcase their time, their values, themselves. It's why comic book writers created Robin for Batman. The buyers of the comics were kids, and they related and wanted stories that included them.
On FanStory most of the members are seniors and women with pets (dogs and cats) So, what types of stories do we see endlessly?
Most are past the sexual period in their lives. So, what type of stories to they dislike the most? (the things they can no longer do). Fanny sits, talks, and remanences. So....
Younger folks are more active. So they would want to see themselves being active.
I have great respect for seniors. I hope to be one soon.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very good and explains a lot about Fanny and how she lost Juniper. Juniper's decision to kill Flourney could not be changed because she saw her reason for living to be avenging her father. She probably never regretted taking her revenge. And Fanny would not demand Juniper change her life plan because she would no longer be Juniper.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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This is very good and explains a lot about Fanny and how she lost Juniper. Juniper's decision to kill Flourney could not be changed because she saw her reason for living to be avenging her father. She probably never regretted taking her revenge. And Fanny would not demand Juniper change her life plan because she would no longer be Juniper.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Carol. You are spot on with the motivation. It will go a bit deeper as the play progresses. Thank you so much for hanging in there.
Comment from juliaSjames
A riveting description of vengeance. This is one of the best scenes I remember you writing, Jay. Excellent device to have Juniper channeled in fairly standard English. It adds equality to the confrontation.
I can't say I understand everything about the recounting of the lynching, who was the third witness? if the three year old was forced to watch her head wouldn't have been covered, so wouldn't it be the sight and not the smell of potato sacks that would jog her memory?
But these are almost inconsequential points in comparison with the horrifying dramatic depiction of Juniper executing Thurston.
Stay safe and well,
Hugs, Julia
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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A riveting description of vengeance. This is one of the best scenes I remember you writing, Jay. Excellent device to have Juniper channeled in fairly standard English. It adds equality to the confrontation.
I can't say I understand everything about the recounting of the lynching, who was the third witness? if the three year old was forced to watch her head wouldn't have been covered, so wouldn't it be the sight and not the smell of potato sacks that would jog her memory?
But these are almost inconsequential points in comparison with the horrifying dramatic depiction of Juniper executing Thurston.
Stay safe and well,
Hugs, Julia
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Hey, Julia. No, I count it to my sloppy writing. The three-year-old didn't have a gunnysack over her head. It was over the head of the man who held her face toward the lynching of her father. So she fancied at times the smell of his dirty, sweaty hands and his gunnysack. Of course this was all reinforced from an earlier scene that you may not have read. The third witness is new, but will be explained in the post-intermission scene.
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We bumbling latecomers have our uses. LOLOL
Comment from Adri7enne
I guess it must be cause I'm getting too old to work so hard, but it's a job getting through one of these. The human mind and eyes are conditioned to scan through a block of text without much effort, picking up the thread of a story. This kind of writing says, "Aren't I great at depicting dialogue! Watch me get this accent down in print!" It calls more attention to the writing itself than it does conveying a dramatic, funny, happy or sad story. I don't think publishers would read it past the first line. I've noticed quite a few authors here attempt this kind of writing. Writing manuals tell you not to do it. Too unnatural for a reader to enjoy. You're a good writer, much more sophisticated in your thinking than this piece would suggest. I can't read this sort of thing. I wish you would write normal writing, commensurate with the education and writing skill I know you possess. Hope you still have a sense of humor, Jay. I find I have very few filters left as I age. " I calls 'em as I sees 'em" as your hero might say.
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I guess it must be cause I'm getting too old to work so hard, but it's a job getting through one of these. The human mind and eyes are conditioned to scan through a block of text without much effort, picking up the thread of a story. This kind of writing says, "Aren't I great at depicting dialogue! Watch me get this accent down in print!" It calls more attention to the writing itself than it does conveying a dramatic, funny, happy or sad story. I don't think publishers would read it past the first line. I've noticed quite a few authors here attempt this kind of writing. Writing manuals tell you not to do it. Too unnatural for a reader to enjoy. You're a good writer, much more sophisticated in your thinking than this piece would suggest. I can't read this sort of thing. I wish you would write normal writing, commensurate with the education and writing skill I know you possess. Hope you still have a sense of humor, Jay. I find I have very few filters left as I age. " I calls 'em as I sees 'em" as your hero might say.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Haha! I wouldn't have you any other way, Adrienne. Unfiltered, with your umpire's thumb high in the air yelling, "You're outta here (or out of here)!" I'm fully aware of what the writing manuals say. And I've spouted the same to others who tried to depict dialect in a short story or novel. The reason is that in those formats' narration should be able to balance out the lack of dialect (or physical condition) by such as, "The little boy stuttered." Or, the man drawled his reply. Plays don't have that luxury. The playwright has the dialogue and the stage direction to instruct the actors. I do understand what you're saying, though. And I would never undertake broad dialect again. Strangely, yours has been the only one which complained of the dialect, unless I've overlooked one and I don't think I have. Most have told me they loved it, and that it gave the play a sense of reality. I have a lot of respect for your voice, though, and wouldn't have you respond differently.
Jay
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Your great American playwrights didn't write dialect. They relied on the casting directors to find actors who would represent the characters they depicted in the plays. So, that's a cop out. If the only thing that set them apart was the way they spoke, the plays would not have been such great successes. And of course, members of Fanstory will not judge you harshly. You're an icon on this site. A sharp, witty, intelligent man is a rarity in today's world. Besides which you're a recognized reviewer. No one dares walk on the shady side of you. You are getting a lot of air pumped up your skirts and you've gotten used to it. Come back to earth, Jay. I'd like to read something witty and droll and thoughtful from your wise old pen. Share your wisdom. Or disregard this as the ravings of a mad old woman. Carry on.
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You are overexaggerating my influence here as you are underexaggerating my talents. But I forgive you both those excesses for your air up my skirts metaphor. I will continue on with the play, but there will likely be some non-dialect pieces you'll be able to weigh in on. Love ya girl.
Jay
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You're a true gentleman, Jay. Always a pleasure to interact with you. I'll continue to check your posts.
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We go too far back not to honor each other with the truth of our experiences. We grow only by listening and by trying our hands at new things. Keep writing and staying in the present.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I love Miss Fanny Barnwarmer. I think the intermission is a good idea, but I think I will have some bourbon in honor of you know who. I can see now why it was tempting to put in part of her act maybe for this scene, but you were right, it would be hard, still, it's a great job! Keep it up! Terry.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I love Miss Fanny Barnwarmer. I think the intermission is a good idea, but I think I will have some bourbon in honor of you know who. I can see now why it was tempting to put in part of her act maybe for this scene, but you were right, it would be hard, still, it's a great job! Keep it up! Terry.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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The exact same review came up twice. Two six stars. If you don't mind do it again, please. LOL.
Yeah, I kinda missed posting the comedy act. There were a few yuks we won't hear about. It was a turbulent time period. They were right in the midst of prohibition and at the height of America's 'paper' wealth, but only two months away from the onset of the Great Depression.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I love Miss Fanny Barnwarmer. I think the intermission is a good idea, but I think I will have some bourbon in honor of you know who. I can see now why it was tempting to put in part of her act maybe for this scene, but you were right, it would be hard, still, it's a great job! Keep it up! Terry.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I love Miss Fanny Barnwarmer. I think the intermission is a good idea, but I think I will have some bourbon in honor of you know who. I can see now why it was tempting to put in part of her act maybe for this scene, but you were right, it would be hard, still, it's a great job! Keep it up! Terry.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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The exact same review came up twice. Two six stars. If you don't mind do it again, please. LOL. [Now that I've answered each one in duplicate, when you redo it twice for each one that should mean a total of six 6-star ratings. Whoa!