Bluejay Fallen
They Neither Sow, Nor Do They Reap52 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
You still have The Touch, Jay. Excellent writing. True story, so you did not choose a shrill, vicious, carnivorous (but beautiful) bully jay to slap off the branch...I have a yardfull of screeching jays. I just joined the Shield thingy
with my Covid check...I fear my writing days are over, but who knows. At our age, we know how the tides come and go. I enjoyed the read immensely.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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You still have The Touch, Jay. Excellent writing. True story, so you did not choose a shrill, vicious, carnivorous (but beautiful) bully jay to slap off the branch...I have a yardfull of screeching jays. I just joined the Shield thingy
with my Covid check...I fear my writing days are over, but who knows. At our age, we know how the tides come and go. I enjoyed the read immensely.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Please don't say that about your writing. Like Hemingway said, just write one true sentence. And follow it with another. You know the drill, damn! Don't give up on me, Red. Thanks for the sixer and for keeping me honest. The Shield? I'll have to check that out. I don't think I understand it.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear jay, you always tell it like it is. This story is no exception. From some of the things you revealed in this story, it is a wonder that you stayed married for as long as you did. But perhaps the conflict fired your muse, and your words refined, in the crucible of misunderstanding.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Dear jay, you always tell it like it is. This story is no exception. From some of the things you revealed in this story, it is a wonder that you stayed married for as long as you did. But perhaps the conflict fired your muse, and your words refined, in the crucible of misunderstanding.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Suzanna. I'm glad you found this read worthwhile. Yeah, I was never easy to live with, perhaps easier to live away from.
Comment from equestrik
I must say that as I read, I was waiting and hoping for something soft to happen between these two. I am sad at the abrupt and harsh ending. All the best to you-good writing.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I must say that as I read, I was waiting and hoping for something soft to happen between these two. I am sad at the abrupt and harsh ending. All the best to you-good writing.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Yes, I think I was hoping at the back of my mind that there would be a reuniting, but it wasn't in the cards.
Comment from mermaids
Your story held my interest and I think many couples can relate to the end of a marriage that was almost fifty years. There is sadness in your words yet the reader understands why the marriage ends. You have a smooth flow of dialog and the scene in the restaurant is vivid so the reader feels like she is there. The deceased bluejay is a strong symbol. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Your story held my interest and I think many couples can relate to the end of a marriage that was almost fifty years. There is sadness in your words yet the reader understands why the marriage ends. You have a smooth flow of dialog and the scene in the restaurant is vivid so the reader feels like she is there. The deceased bluejay is a strong symbol. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind words and your astute conclusions.
Comment from Allezw2
Here is a vignette with a slice of life flavor. It is always interesting to see the varied responses to an incident by well meaning respondents. Mine are remembered, fondly in most instances. Yours as detailed here result from more recent interactions charmingly expressed. A fun read in the faux interpretation of the server's parting benediction, too. The conversation harks of your earlier reference to Hemmingway. In my mind, a charactered sadness liken to his character's chatting with Brett in A-S-A-R.
Rier a tu!
Fantasist
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Here is a vignette with a slice of life flavor. It is always interesting to see the varied responses to an incident by well meaning respondents. Mine are remembered, fondly in most instances. Yours as detailed here result from more recent interactions charmingly expressed. A fun read in the faux interpretation of the server's parting benediction, too. The conversation harks of your earlier reference to Hemmingway. In my mind, a charactered sadness liken to his character's chatting with Brett in A-S-A-R.
Rier a tu!
Fantasist
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I'm glad you enjoyed your read and found something to take away from it. Was Hemingway's chat with Brett post mortem?
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Since she was an ephemeral character in a novel, you can assay a conjecture freely.
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An interesting thought that! The setting is post WWI and his "A Movable Feast" was posthumously published. There was some qite interesting literature published post WWII, interestingly some by expat students studying abroad under the generous auspices of the WWII GI Bill.
Comment from country ranch writer
Seems you had a poor choice of words about the poor jay tumbling this demise. It was her way of saying you don't care one way or the other and she got up and left you. You showed no compassion for the dead bird.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Seems you had a poor choice of words about the poor jay tumbling this demise. It was her way of saying you don't care one way or the other and she got up and left you. You showed no compassion for the dead bird.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you for reading, B.J. Yeah, not the best way of handling the situation.
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Smiles
Comment from Mabaker12
Hi Jay, a little snippet well told, and so true. Life gets in the way of the living and the casulties are left to try and pick up the pieces. What happens? Do we use up all the alocated time thats given, in the flush of 'newly married, and just stumble along doing everything by rote, until one day a Bluejay dies in front our eyes, and we know for certain it's over. Sincerly Mabaker
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Hi Jay, a little snippet well told, and so true. Life gets in the way of the living and the casulties are left to try and pick up the pieces. What happens? Do we use up all the alocated time thats given, in the flush of 'newly married, and just stumble along doing everything by rote, until one day a Bluejay dies in front our eyes, and we know for certain it's over. Sincerly Mabaker
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Anne for your astute commentary and your kind understanding as well. You are appreciated.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Phenomenal story. I am sorry, for your sake, that it really all happened. Boy, oh boy, when a marriage goes south, it can really go to ... Antarctica.
My husband is very funny by nature, and his repertoire includes mild sarcasm, but I don't think he's capable of cynicism. Yet even if he was, I think I would have just expressed my annoyance at a remark like that, and moved on. (I'm glad I understand the Biblical references, so none of this is lost on me.) But that would fail to take into account all of the history between you two. I have heard that a marriage can die. I've even seen the results. But I've never heard it described so well.
Here's the only spag I found:
...and walked under the sign announcing,
Bienvenido!"
-->
...and walked under the sign announcing,
"Bienvenido!"
It's also quite shocking that a bird would suddenly drop dead, just like that -- and in an outdoor restaurant, too. I think I agree with your diagnosis of a heart attack (or maybe even a stroke). Probably ate a lot of human food, dropped from the tables at that very restaurant, or was under constant stress from all those bird squabbles!
You picked a great picture for your story. I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Phenomenal story. I am sorry, for your sake, that it really all happened. Boy, oh boy, when a marriage goes south, it can really go to ... Antarctica.
My husband is very funny by nature, and his repertoire includes mild sarcasm, but I don't think he's capable of cynicism. Yet even if he was, I think I would have just expressed my annoyance at a remark like that, and moved on. (I'm glad I understand the Biblical references, so none of this is lost on me.) But that would fail to take into account all of the history between you two. I have heard that a marriage can die. I've even seen the results. But I've never heard it described so well.
Here's the only spag I found:
...and walked under the sign announcing,
Bienvenido!"
-->
...and walked under the sign announcing,
"Bienvenido!"
It's also quite shocking that a bird would suddenly drop dead, just like that -- and in an outdoor restaurant, too. I think I agree with your diagnosis of a heart attack (or maybe even a stroke). Probably ate a lot of human food, dropped from the tables at that very restaurant, or was under constant stress from all those bird squabbles!
You picked a great picture for your story. I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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What an eagle-eye you have, Mary Kay! Thanks for the heads up. It's been corrected. Have no doubt about it, I was, and am, capable of saying some thoughtless things. My censor is always running behind my speech, doesn't quite catch up before the damage is done.
Thanks for your insightful review. I appreciate you.
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Thanks for the awesome compliments, Jay. As the Bible says in the book of James, the tongue cannot be tamed -- you're not alone! All we can do is pray for help, and do our best. God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from phill doran
Hello Jay
I must say, the opening 100-odd words of this piece are both profound and (if i remove the pain) beautiful. A staggeringly effective hook to draw the reader in. Excellent, strong and meaningful writing.
The ultimate symbolism in bluejay/Jay is equally poignant: everything ends, in the end. Overall, your piece is a sad reflection, but not a bitter one: accepting would be more accurate I think.
I do not know if "God blinked." is a common phrase where you are, but it is new to me and if it is of your own invention, I suggest you bottle it and sell to writers of less skill, to embed like a star in the darkness of their otherwise mediocre ink. A great, great turn of phrase.
And in the end, life is our only source of material - all is grist to the mill.
I wish you well, and safe: and all the best with your continued writing.
I really enjoyed this reading.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Hello Jay
I must say, the opening 100-odd words of this piece are both profound and (if i remove the pain) beautiful. A staggeringly effective hook to draw the reader in. Excellent, strong and meaningful writing.
The ultimate symbolism in bluejay/Jay is equally poignant: everything ends, in the end. Overall, your piece is a sad reflection, but not a bitter one: accepting would be more accurate I think.
I do not know if "God blinked." is a common phrase where you are, but it is new to me and if it is of your own invention, I suggest you bottle it and sell to writers of less skill, to embed like a star in the darkness of their otherwise mediocre ink. A great, great turn of phrase.
And in the end, life is our only source of material - all is grist to the mill.
I wish you well, and safe: and all the best with your continued writing.
I really enjoyed this reading.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I don't know where "God Blinked" came from. It came too easily, and that scares me, but I don't recall reading it anywhere.
Phill, your approval of this means a lot to me. I'm glad it held some meaning for you, and that you enjoyed it. All blessings to you as well.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A bitter sweet, albeit, true story of an experience you had with your wife/ex-wife. It is richly told, and sets a scene we can all feel and experience with you.
I'm sorry, really, that your companion of almost 50 years and you have separated, but I know it happens. I can't say I'm still with my kids' father, because I definitely am not, and we didn't make it nearly as long as you did.
Thank you for sharing your experience,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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A bitter sweet, albeit, true story of an experience you had with your wife/ex-wife. It is richly told, and sets a scene we can all feel and experience with you.
I'm sorry, really, that your companion of almost 50 years and you have separated, but I know it happens. I can't say I'm still with my kids' father, because I definitely am not, and we didn't make it nearly as long as you did.
Thank you for sharing your experience,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Rhonda. It means a lot to me that my story moved you. I'm finding the responses it has elicited in many who read it reflect similar experiences of split-ups. I must say that most, though, would have been more tenacious than my wife and I if they had gotten so close to 50 years. Again, Rhonda, thanks for reading and for the luscious stars.