Tucker - (Part -1)
An offer, too good to refuse . . . ?68 total reviews
Comment from JennStar
I liked the story, both of the characters are really interesting and it grabs my interest and makes me want to read more. I really liked the line "Daniel's drawers were in a wad now".
Just a few grammar things that I noticed:
- this sentence reads like a fragment to me: An only child, like his father's and grandfather's generations who had passed the wealth down. The sentence after looks like a comma splice to me which could be fixed by putting the second phrase at the beginning of the sentence and allowing the current first part to modify that ( They never failed to get their way, all the spoiled-brat variety.) or rework the two sentences together.
- I don't think you need this comma - his money, or anything else(,) besides Katie.
- Not sure if this is part of his pattern of talking but it reads better with myself instead of me "I just can't see (me) running back and forth"
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I liked the story, both of the characters are really interesting and it grabs my interest and makes me want to read more. I really liked the line "Daniel's drawers were in a wad now".
Just a few grammar things that I noticed:
- this sentence reads like a fragment to me: An only child, like his father's and grandfather's generations who had passed the wealth down. The sentence after looks like a comma splice to me which could be fixed by putting the second phrase at the beginning of the sentence and allowing the current first part to modify that ( They never failed to get their way, all the spoiled-brat variety.) or rework the two sentences together.
- I don't think you need this comma - his money, or anything else(,) besides Katie.
- Not sure if this is part of his pattern of talking but it reads better with myself instead of me "I just can't see (me) running back and forth"
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, JennStar, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. I appreciate what you've written and will definitely consider everything you've suggested. I don't follow a lot of grammar rules to a tee. I use a lot of fragments, condense sentences to more express tone, rhythm, moods, and the likelihood of how a certain character might speak or be described. Most of what I learned in English 101or after doesn't fit my thoughts on how I think some things need to be written. I appreciate your comments and review! Thanks again!
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I have recently been on an editing kick and am trying to improve my own skills so I have been editing anything I get my hands on... but I tend to ignore a lot of the comma splices and such myself if when I am reading it sounds right.
The first one is the only one I would suggest looking at because the subject of the sentence gets confusing since there is no verb is the point his father and grandfather were also only children?
I do enjoy your righting and hope that it doesn't bother you that I tend to do the grammar thing.
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Yes, they were both only children. I've changed that part around a little to try and make it a little easier to understand. I also tweaked the sentence about the big bruisers. I hope the changes help. I appreciate you spending your time to offer suggestions, so please, send them on. LOL. I appreciate the kindness of you wanting to help! Thanks a bunch! Have a wonderful rest of your week! ric
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I finally read this to its completion, and it is exceptional, my friend! I wasn't sure early on if I was going to like this, but when the conversation between Farnsworth and Tuck went on in earnest...I was hooked! Thanks again for making the print larger...it helped my eyes a lot. This is a great prologue to a book about Tucker, and I will read each chapter as it comes along!
Have a great day, my friend!
Jesse
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I finally read this to its completion, and it is exceptional, my friend! I wasn't sure early on if I was going to like this, but when the conversation between Farnsworth and Tuck went on in earnest...I was hooked! Thanks again for making the print larger...it helped my eyes a lot. This is a great prologue to a book about Tucker, and I will read each chapter as it comes along!
Have a great day, my friend!
Jesse
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Jesse, for your extra-special six-star review. It isn't everyone who understands my quirky characters, but it's always nice when some like you does. I'm glad the larger type helped, and thanks for bringing it to my attention. I hope it helps in the future for you and others. I can't thank you enough for your kindness and encouragement. I hope recuperation is on the steady improve and please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Have a wonderful week, my friend! Ric
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Good morning, Ric! You are a kind person yourself, my friend! Thank you for thinking of me and my recovery and keeping me in your daily thoughts and prayers! This means a lot to me! I am happy you are on my radar now and, I will be one of your readers in the future as well! Have a great rest of your week!
Jesse
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Ric Myworld,
Nice piece of General Fiction having impressive phraseology enriched with imagery, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of persons, places, situations, 'Tuck and Daniel episode' is particularly noteworthy.
The most striking part of the story is Tuck's Character -Very Interesting!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hello Ric Myworld,
Nice piece of General Fiction having impressive phraseology enriched with imagery, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of persons, places, situations, 'Tuck and Daniel episode' is particularly noteworthy.
The most striking part of the story is Tuck's Character -Very Interesting!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hello, RP Saxena,
Like in everything I write, there are elements of truth and examples of real people I've met or known. Of course, not wanting a person to recognize themselves or be embarrassed, I change them enough to be fictional, unless one of the characters is me. LOL. Thank you so much for your extra-special six-star review, but most of all for your kindness and encouragement which have played a large part in motivating me to work hard and get better. I can't thank you enough for another wonderful review. I appreciate YOU!
Ric
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Hi Ric,
Most Welcome!
Here too your three and half lines are MARVELOUS.
In fact, nothing can be absolutely fictional without some reality or truth within it. Otherwise, that looks like GARBAGE.
Keep writing! I REALLY enjoy your writings.
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Wendy G
Aah, why did you stop there!? No answers re the proposition. So you had better write a book. You certainly wrote an interesting story, then left us wondering. What's the backstory, and what will happen next?
Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Aah, why did you stop there!? No answers re the proposition. So you had better write a book. You certainly wrote an interesting story, then left us wondering. What's the backstory, and what will happen next?
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Wendy G, for your kind words and generous review. I was just playing around with some characters and as they grew on me I got to thinking it might need to go on. LOL. Thanks for reading another story of my foolishness and quirky characters. Much appreciated!
Comment from humpwhistle
Nice going, Ric. I think Sam Tucker would make a good candidate for other exploits. I couldn't pinpoint where in the South this might have occurred. Some of you colloquialisms bring the Appalachians to mind, but the Ozarks have a similar sound.
One thing I'd watch for is over-telling. Sometimes you describe a gesture or facial expression, then go right ahead and tell the reader what it means. I think serious readers prefer to be given the chance to interpret what the gesture or expression means for themselves. It's the old balancing act between telling and showing. That said, I think this is a fine piece, and perhaps the beginning of an in-depth character study. Run with it.
Peace, Lee
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Nice going, Ric. I think Sam Tucker would make a good candidate for other exploits. I couldn't pinpoint where in the South this might have occurred. Some of you colloquialisms bring the Appalachians to mind, but the Ozarks have a similar sound.
One thing I'd watch for is over-telling. Sometimes you describe a gesture or facial expression, then go right ahead and tell the reader what it means. I think serious readers prefer to be given the chance to interpret what the gesture or expression means for themselves. It's the old balancing act between telling and showing. That said, I think this is a fine piece, and perhaps the beginning of an in-depth character study. Run with it.
Peace, Lee
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Lee, for your kind words, suggestions, and generous review. Your perceptiveness and expertise with characters and dialects gives you insight into parts that I was so afraid most wouldn't pick up on. Which did cause me to explain much more than I should have. Serious readers most definitely prefer to be given the chance to interpret for themselves, and I just need to trust that they can. Although, for me, most times they don't. LOL. I always appreciate what you have to say!
Comment from karenina
It would be a crying' shame to get us all in a lather with your down home, no holds barred irreverent and totally believable portrayal of Tuck....and NOT follow up with a novel featuring his rare brand of smarts and sass!
Why do I get the feeling you've rubbed elbows with these types??? If six stars can bribe you to continue the series featuring Samuel Tucker....consider yourself bribed!
Congrats BTW on your latest and well deserved recognition!
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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It would be a crying' shame to get us all in a lather with your down home, no holds barred irreverent and totally believable portrayal of Tuck....and NOT follow up with a novel featuring his rare brand of smarts and sass!
Why do I get the feeling you've rubbed elbows with these types??? If six stars can bribe you to continue the series featuring Samuel Tucker....consider yourself bribed!
Congrats BTW on your latest and well deserved recognition!
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hi, stranger, I've been anxiously waiting for some good news from you. I mean, not that this exceptional and extra-special six-star review isn't great news in itself, but better news is that you've typed it yourself and are on the mend. Like everything I write, there is always some elements of truth and real people in my fictional stories. Many times, I add me as a character so that I don't have to change too much and worry about embarrassing someone if they recognize themselves. But I guess, everyone does the same to a degree. I like the bribe, and that you might like to read more about the quirky characters. But most of all, it's your encouraging words and kindness that I most appreciate! You're in my thoughts and prayers! Ric
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I am attempting to peck away a bit...mostly Jess is still transcribing my thoughts. Next surgery is November 11th. Wish it were sooner but, ah, covid has delayed everything. I loved your story and can see why your characters come to life! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers! Can't wait until I am able to write more extensively and catch up with you!
Karenina
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous! Looking forward to more, should you choose to continue with these quirky characters. The big snapper line is priceless. Cheerssssss. LIZ
the streets closeup=>CLOSE UP
faster than a beaver gnaws delicate softwood aspens, cottonwoods, or dogwood trees. (sugg pick just one).
FOLLOW-UP read per request:
Its blacked-out windows kept anyone from seeing inside, while fluorescent-blue lighting illuminated the wheel wells, undercarriage, and the blacktop beneath [to the extent of resembling=>Sugg ; it resembled] a revolving carnival ride.
Two seven-foot [really?] bruisers stepped out first.
Daniel chewed up toothpicks faster than a beaver gnaws delicate softwood aspens [or=>sugg AND] cottonwood trees.
Tuckerâ??s smile showed more shiny-white teeth than an opossum that had chased the stench of rot [SUGG OMIT for miles (for smoother flow)] to find a crittersâ?? Heaven at the city dump.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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SSSSSStupendous! Looking forward to more, should you choose to continue with these quirky characters. The big snapper line is priceless. Cheerssssss. LIZ
the streets closeup=>CLOSE UP
faster than a beaver gnaws delicate softwood aspens, cottonwoods, or dogwood trees. (sugg pick just one).
FOLLOW-UP read per request:
Its blacked-out windows kept anyone from seeing inside, while fluorescent-blue lighting illuminated the wheel wells, undercarriage, and the blacktop beneath [to the extent of resembling=>Sugg ; it resembled] a revolving carnival ride.
Two seven-foot [really?] bruisers stepped out first.
Daniel chewed up toothpicks faster than a beaver gnaws delicate softwood aspens [or=>sugg AND] cottonwood trees.
Tuckerâ??s smile showed more shiny-white teeth than an opossum that had chased the stench of rot [SUGG OMIT for miles (for smoother flow)] to find a crittersâ?? Heaven at the city dump.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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For the first time in my life I tried to edit and polish so that you wouldn't find too much to pick me apart about, and damnit, you did anyway. LOL. Pardon the language on your delicate ears. Thank you so much for another of your outstanding extra-special six-star reviews, but most of all for you continuous support, and priceless suggestions. Can't ever thank you enough! I appreciate YOU!
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You did great! I maek moer tpyos.
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
Well written dialogue, very believable. Good job. You have started a excellent description of Tuck by his actions and words. I can picture him. Honestly, I wouldn't sit across from him. Write more about him. It's getting interesting.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Well written dialogue, very believable. Good job. You have started a excellent description of Tuck by his actions and words. I can picture him. Honestly, I wouldn't sit across from him. Write more about him. It's getting interesting.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Midi O, for your kind words and generous review. It's always nice when people can see and understand my quirky characters. I appreciate your comments and encouragement!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I sure hope this is the beginning of a novel because now you have my attention. You can throw out a bundle of words and end up with a sentence that makes perfect sense better than anyone I read. Para 4 has the only word that didn't work. Should be close up, not a selfie. Great work.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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I sure hope this is the beginning of a novel because now you have my attention. You can throw out a bundle of words and end up with a sentence that makes perfect sense better than anyone I read. Para 4 has the only word that didn't work. Should be close up, not a selfie. Great work.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Carol, for your kind words and excellent review, and for pointing out my blunder, of which I often have many. LOL. It's not everyone who can understand my quirky characters, so I'm always happy when someone can. I appreciate your kindness and encouragement! Ric
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I don't know. This has some holes in it. The excessive verbiage seems to either distract or extends things more than need to be. We got information of Farnsworth, that appears to be intended to make the reader dislike him, but what we needed was to know why a man of his wealth would be obsessed with Tuck. His having done one job for someone Daniel knows doesn't justify all that followed for an unlicensed, ill-tempered, unafraid (and therefore uncontrollable and untrustworthy) person.
How, Daniel found him is also unknown, and why choose to meet in a very public place, at that time, only to want to 'talk' someplace else. Again, most of the talking was circular, when he could have gotten to the point immediately?
Daniel's appearance, his loud music and drawing that much attention to himself, goes against his desire for privacy to discuss his job.
All the things Daniel does seem to only serve the purpose of making him (The typical rich, small, arrogant man, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth that normal (poor) people love to hate).
So, yes continue with novel, but I would avoid the clichés with Daniel and Tuck, who seems like Jack Reacher. The FanStorians will love it, but outside of here. Not so much.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Hmm, I don't know. This has some holes in it. The excessive verbiage seems to either distract or extends things more than need to be. We got information of Farnsworth, that appears to be intended to make the reader dislike him, but what we needed was to know why a man of his wealth would be obsessed with Tuck. His having done one job for someone Daniel knows doesn't justify all that followed for an unlicensed, ill-tempered, unafraid (and therefore uncontrollable and untrustworthy) person.
How, Daniel found him is also unknown, and why choose to meet in a very public place, at that time, only to want to 'talk' someplace else. Again, most of the talking was circular, when he could have gotten to the point immediately?
Daniel's appearance, his loud music and drawing that much attention to himself, goes against his desire for privacy to discuss his job.
All the things Daniel does seem to only serve the purpose of making him (The typical rich, small, arrogant man, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth that normal (poor) people love to hate).
So, yes continue with novel, but I would avoid the clichés with Daniel and Tuck, who seems like Jack Reacher. The FanStorians will love it, but outside of here. Not so much.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thanks for your comments, suggestions, and the generous review. Yes, the verbiage is somewhat run on, I agree. But like everything I write, there is more truth in it than I care to admit. Both from the same town, people talk, which means they know a lot about each other. Daniel's stereo was always thumping, and his typical spoiled rich kid persona isn't cliché. You bring up good points and I always appreciate what others think. Thanks again.