The Last Text
Made to raise awareness about texting and driving.62 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I commented on this when it was released, but after critiquing your releases recently, I might want to have you critique mine. I have never had an All-Time Best and you with limited postings have a half dozen. Well done. I remain open to suggestions. Help me Obi-wan. I am a Thomas, too.
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I commented on this when it was released, but after critiquing your releases recently, I might want to have you critique mine. I have never had an All-Time Best and you with limited postings have a half dozen. Well done. I remain open to suggestions. Help me Obi-wan. I am a Thomas, too.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
Comment from RainbewLatte
I couldn't agree any more. Being a child or I suppose teen who is still unable to drive but within reach, I honestly couldn't agree nor relate more. I guess I feel like I'm the privileged one sitting in the back seat as I scroll away on occasion as the car remains in motion just so carefree about life and it's troubles. It's worries as well. It's just me and my phone and the world around me just seems to disappear. It's crazy, isn't it? Technology that transcends far beyond humanity's wildest dreams.
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I couldn't agree any more. Being a child or I suppose teen who is still unable to drive but within reach, I honestly couldn't agree nor relate more. I guess I feel like I'm the privileged one sitting in the back seat as I scroll away on occasion as the car remains in motion just so carefree about life and it's troubles. It's worries as well. It's just me and my phone and the world around me just seems to disappear. It's crazy, isn't it? Technology that transcends far beyond humanity's wildest dreams.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Yes, and a lesson not learnt soon enough by some.
This is well thought out, you create the scene of the car full of the young and carefree,then boom - the music stops.
Well said, Thomas and an important message.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Yes, and a lesson not learnt soon enough by some.
This is well thought out, you create the scene of the car full of the young and carefree,then boom - the music stops.
Well said, Thomas and an important message.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your kind words!
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Any parent reading this poem can envision this being their kids. This is a well-written piece. I liked this metaphor for airbags~Firm, white pillows of regret. In this line if you replace edges with "shards". You would have a wonderful alliteration in this line~And the glass SHARDS in our Skin were Skillfully Sharpened. The visual fits perfectly. I like the font size a bit larger, but most would say it's large enough.
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Any parent reading this poem can envision this being their kids. This is a well-written piece. I liked this metaphor for airbags~Firm, white pillows of regret. In this line if you replace edges with "shards". You would have a wonderful alliteration in this line~And the glass SHARDS in our Skin were Skillfully Sharpened. The visual fits perfectly. I like the font size a bit larger, but most would say it's large enough.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your beautiful poetry. It is well written. It is clear and concise. Very good work! Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poem. Thank you for sharing!
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I have enjoyed reading your beautiful poetry. It is well written. It is clear and concise. Very good work! Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poem. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is powerful, creative, and absolutely brilliant.
Here you set up the scene of youthful invincibility, carefree, and carelessness.
Then the real world comes "crashing" in with a powerful metaphor of white pillows.
I look forward to more of your writing.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This is powerful, creative, and absolutely brilliant.
Here you set up the scene of youthful invincibility, carefree, and carelessness.
Then the real world comes "crashing" in with a powerful metaphor of white pillows.
I look forward to more of your writing.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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You are too kind. Thank you so much for the review, and for six stars!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
I love twisted endings to poems and stories. I like how this ends. It is a nice meditation on cell phones and our collective addition to cell phones even at the cost of our lives.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I love twisted endings to poems and stories. I like how this ends. It is a nice meditation on cell phones and our collective addition to cell phones even at the cost of our lives.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much for the review, Jake!
Comment from Monica Chaddick
This was a very moving poem. It definitely tugs at one's emotions. You tell a very graphic story with a few words, and those few words carry a huge message. Best of luck in this and all endeavors.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This was a very moving poem. It definitely tugs at one's emotions. You tell a very graphic story with a few words, and those few words carry a huge message. Best of luck in this and all endeavors.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much!
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Thomas, Welcome to the FS family. Your poem is very timely as so many people of all ages text and drive. Good descriptive writing.
Of special note:
We were so carefree and naïve,
Poisoned by the modern world.
(It's difficult to have self-discipline when "everybody is doing it.")
Your poem delivers a powerful message, a message that needs to be heard and shared. By any chance, is this poem biographic? I hope you continue writing with the FS family. Sincerely, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Hi Thomas, Welcome to the FS family. Your poem is very timely as so many people of all ages text and drive. Good descriptive writing.
Of special note:
We were so carefree and naïve,
Poisoned by the modern world.
(It's difficult to have self-discipline when "everybody is doing it.")
Your poem delivers a powerful message, a message that needs to be heard and shared. By any chance, is this poem biographic? I hope you continue writing with the FS family. Sincerely, LateBloomer
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much for your review! This poem was not based on any events of my life.
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I didn't think it was based on your life, but it is very timely and relevant.
LateBloomer
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A reminder here that our phones can be a curse whilst driving and responsible for quite a few accidents on the road. A poignant write Thomas, a chilling account of the consequences of texting whilst driving, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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A reminder here that our phones can be a curse whilst driving and responsible for quite a few accidents on the road. A poignant write Thomas, a chilling account of the consequences of texting whilst driving, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the review, Dolly!