A Fly on the Wall
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "On Changing Routines"A journal musings and assessments about situations
31 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Rachelle... you kill me!!! Hahahahahaha!!! I've never had this problem at the Vampire lab, mainly because my lab is at the Doctors office and I have to check in at the front door. LOL I do have to always take a number (a wooden square with a # on it) to get an X-ray at the podiatrist, but that's because you never know who's coming down right behind you I think. I really think that's nuts. It's like having to take one at the deli if you're the only one standing there. ;)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Rachelle... you kill me!!! Hahahahahaha!!! I've never had this problem at the Vampire lab, mainly because my lab is at the Doctors office and I have to check in at the front door. LOL I do have to always take a number (a wooden square with a # on it) to get an X-ray at the podiatrist, but that's because you never know who's coming down right behind you I think. I really think that's nuts. It's like having to take one at the deli if you're the only one standing there. ;)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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JoAnn Fabrics started with it recently, too! No one's at the counter, and I have to take a number!! So WEIRD!
Thanks for the fun review, Susan. xo
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OMG! You're kidding me!!! Talk about idiotic!!! I'd just stand at the counter and yell... "Hello!!! Who works here!!! Anybody??? Or should I just walk out the door with this stuff!!!?? I'd be perfectly happy to!!?" If I were you I'd send an e-mail to their corporate office and tell them how stupid that is and how it's unappreciated. lol
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At least I got this good Fly On The Wall entry out if it!
Comment from shaffer40
Perfectly written. Lots of rich images. I especially liked "her sitting like a good girl," "hawking peanuts at a baseball home opener," and "acting as if it were filled to the rafters." You're adept at bringing everyday scenes to life, as in:
In the center of the room, a cream-colored floor-to-ceiling
acrylic fortress rises up like an iceberg with a wide, plexiglass
portal, and behind it sits Will Ferrell's humorless twin brother.
An entertaining, cleverly-phrased rendition of a familiar situation.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Perfectly written. Lots of rich images. I especially liked "her sitting like a good girl," "hawking peanuts at a baseball home opener," and "acting as if it were filled to the rafters." You're adept at bringing everyday scenes to life, as in:
In the center of the room, a cream-colored floor-to-ceiling
acrylic fortress rises up like an iceberg with a wide, plexiglass
portal, and behind it sits Will Ferrell's humorless twin brother.
An entertaining, cleverly-phrased rendition of a familiar situation.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Oh, Shaffer40. this is such an encouraging review to me. Thank you times a million zillion. I really appreciate it. xo
Comment from Mark Valentine
If someone were to ask me, "What is the difference between someone just relating a story of something that happened, and a writer relating a story of what happened?", I would pull out the following as Exhibit A;
"In the center of the room, a cream-colored floor-to-ceiling acrylic fortress rises up like an iceberg with a wide, plexiglass portal, and behind it sits Will Ferrell's humorless twin brother."
I think I may have missed a chapter or two - I'll have to go back and check, but the writing is so good, it's worth reading as a stand-alone.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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If someone were to ask me, "What is the difference between someone just relating a story of something that happened, and a writer relating a story of what happened?", I would pull out the following as Exhibit A;
"In the center of the room, a cream-colored floor-to-ceiling acrylic fortress rises up like an iceberg with a wide, plexiglass portal, and behind it sits Will Ferrell's humorless twin brother."
I think I may have missed a chapter or two - I'll have to go back and check, but the writing is so good, it's worth reading as a stand-alone.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Oh, Mark!! You do wonders for my writing confidence. Thank you.
This book is a compilation of daily musings, so although there was a previous 'chapter,' per se, it is unrelated to this one. Also, I'm not posting them in their chronological order, but rather cherry-picking the ones I like most.
I'm so glad that you, whose work I love and admire SO very much, found this one enjoyable. xo
Comment from Coco Jane
Humorous and relatable. I especially like the description of the male patient.
A couple of mechanical considerations:
"Alright" is not a word. The correct spelling for all uses of the term is "all right."
A dash is denoted with two consecutive hyphens (no spaces before, after, or between them).
In "He hands Will his ticket, and, after Will examines it, we all watch it waft gracefully to the bottom of the glass bowl," no comma is needed after "and."
These are just tiny, fussy points. I really like your piece!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Humorous and relatable. I especially like the description of the male patient.
A couple of mechanical considerations:
"Alright" is not a word. The correct spelling for all uses of the term is "all right."
A dash is denoted with two consecutive hyphens (no spaces before, after, or between them).
In "He hands Will his ticket, and, after Will examines it, we all watch it waft gracefully to the bottom of the glass bowl," no comma is needed after "and."
These are just tiny, fussy points. I really like your piece!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Hmmm. Well, according to my dictionary, alright and all right are BOTH words.
And as far as the far as the second comma after "examines it," that IS necessary because it is an introductory comma after a conjunction.
I do appreciate your feedback, though, Jane, and know you have only the best intentions when you offer these mechanical considerations. I hope you will know I always welcome them. xo
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Hm--I have never heard of the rule about "introductory comma after a conjunction." According to what I have been taught, the comma after "and" can be omitted (despite the need to separate the subordinate clause) because another comma precedes "and" so closely.
Please point me to the dictionary that says "alright" is a word. I have never seen that one. New to me!
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Well, alright; let me share my information!
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary - but if you prefer something less staid, then you can also find it listed in a Google dictionary search.
As far as the comma question, I used Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style."
Comment from Colin John
Ha ha lovely story Rachelle , glad I was not there as I would have to say , hurry up there's no one else here . But you set the scene very nicely and I gave myself time to sit and take in . A very humorous chapter . Kind Regards Colin X
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Ha ha lovely story Rachelle , glad I was not there as I would have to say , hurry up there's no one else here . But you set the scene very nicely and I gave myself time to sit and take in . A very humorous chapter . Kind Regards Colin X
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Sometimes, Colin, it's easier to just relax and go with the flow. Like you, that is not my usual nature, but I think being on my first day of vacation then helped.
Thanks for the terrific review. xo
Comment from Bill Pinder
That is a funny story of an office trying to appear they're busy when they're not. I guess you have to take a ticket to use the restroom also. Thanks for sharing this interesting story. I'll bet you didn't go back there.
Bill
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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That is a funny story of an office trying to appear they're busy when they're not. I guess you have to take a ticket to use the restroom also. Thanks for sharing this interesting story. I'll bet you didn't go back there.
Bill
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Hahaha. I never thought of that, Bill, but I bet you're right!!
And you're right, too, about my going back. That one was a little weird to want to return to the following year!
Thanks for the fun review. xo
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! What a strange place. I suppose you were there to have your blood drawn. Hope all turned out well. I have blood tests twice a month, which is a lot, I think. But the meds they prescribe are working well, so I put up with it. We don't need to take numbers... unless we want a pound of sliced ham to go. :)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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LOL! What a strange place. I suppose you were there to have your blood drawn. Hope all turned out well. I have blood tests twice a month, which is a lot, I think. But the meds they prescribe are working well, so I put up with it. We don't need to take numbers... unless we want a pound of sliced ham to go. :)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Hahahahaha, Phyllis; you slay me.
No, it was for my annual physical. They always want a blood work-up for that. So I'm luckier than you in the frequency...but you're luckier than I since there's no deli ticket involved. I'm so glad to read that your meds are working. A dear friend of mine also has bi-weekly blood draws, so I know that can be a drag. xo
Comment from Michele Harber
Hello again, FSBFF. This was (completely unsurprisingly) another enjoyable read. I love your wry sense of humor, and you and I are definitely cut from the same cloth in the way we observe and describe things. Your hilarious telling of the "take a number" bit sounds straight out of "Carol Burnett and Friends," with Tim Conway's little old man giving the instructions.
Of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have a proofing note. In making the John Quinones reference, you inadvertently said, "What you YOU do ..." instead of "What would you do?"
Finally, I do want to offer one suggestion. I think your last line, "if this routine ... represents The Good Life, then I am sorely out of my element" deflates a bit at the end. I believe it's because, when you set up an "if this, then that" scenario, it sets the reader up for some sort of progression. Saying I am "sorely out of my element" doesn't tie back to "the Good Life." I think you could make a stronger point with something along the lines of, "If this represents the Good Life, I'd hate to see what 'Hell in a handbasket' looks like," (thus clearly contrasting "the Good life" with "hell [in a handbasket], and keeping up the continuity. Another alternative might be, "If this is the good life, then prison must be Disney." Of course you can use any words or ideas of your choosing. I just wanted you to see how continuity might strengthen the piece.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Hello again, FSBFF. This was (completely unsurprisingly) another enjoyable read. I love your wry sense of humor, and you and I are definitely cut from the same cloth in the way we observe and describe things. Your hilarious telling of the "take a number" bit sounds straight out of "Carol Burnett and Friends," with Tim Conway's little old man giving the instructions.
Of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have a proofing note. In making the John Quinones reference, you inadvertently said, "What you YOU do ..." instead of "What would you do?"
Finally, I do want to offer one suggestion. I think your last line, "if this routine ... represents The Good Life, then I am sorely out of my element" deflates a bit at the end. I believe it's because, when you set up an "if this, then that" scenario, it sets the reader up for some sort of progression. Saying I am "sorely out of my element" doesn't tie back to "the Good Life." I think you could make a stronger point with something along the lines of, "If this represents the Good Life, I'd hate to see what 'Hell in a handbasket' looks like," (thus clearly contrasting "the Good life" with "hell [in a handbasket], and keeping up the continuity. Another alternative might be, "If this is the good life, then prison must be Disney." Of course you can use any words or ideas of your choosing. I just wanted you to see how continuity might strengthen the piece.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Yes, I see what you're saying, Michele, and, as always, that's a good suggestion. Thank you very much. And I'll take care of the other edit, too. I always appreciate your help with these gaffes!
And you're right about the Tim Conway/Carol Burnett angle, too. Hahaha. I can totally see that.
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Thanks, FSBFF. I'm so glad you're open to my suggestions. There are very few things I'll brag about, but one thing I can say honestly is that I'm the best proofreader I know because I don't just proof for grammar and typos. I also look for implication, expectation and perception. I used to catch my boss regularly on things she was saying to clients or journalists where I, as her assistant, knew what she meant, but where others were very likely to read things differently and, perhaps, offensively. The funny (sad?) part is that, while I'm catching your and everyone else's minor errors, I'm missing my own. With everything going on at home, i.e., dealing with my mom, my sister and my daughter, I often don't get to my own things, like FanStory, until some ridiculously late hour, by which time I can't see straight. If I have cause to reread something the following day, I cringe at the errors I've made. In the comments I made to you last night, I forgot to close parentheses, perhaps a minor issue to others. but nails on a blackboard to me.
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I hear you!! The painful irony of it!!
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I?m such a stickler for grammar that, when I make a mistake, I take it as a personal affront.
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Okay, you're scaring me now.
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I wasn't kidding when I said poor grammar (particularly by me) is like nails on a blackboard. I've been proofing professionally (not as my primary job but as part of it) for some 35 years, so it's as much a part of me as my 12 fingers and 14 toes. (I just thought I'd throw in something worthy of your being scared about.)
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Hahahaha.
Comment from JudyE
Oh my goodness, what is the world coming to? I had to laugh just at the 'bureaucracy' of it all. So stupid.
You have 'you' repeated in the following:
'What you YOU do if you were the only person in a phlebotomist's office'
Cheers. Judy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Oh my goodness, what is the world coming to? I had to laugh just at the 'bureaucracy' of it all. So stupid.
You have 'you' repeated in the following:
'What you YOU do if you were the only person in a phlebotomist's office'
Cheers. Judy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Judy. Nice catch. I'll fix it right now!!
Thanks, too, for the enjoyable review. xo
Comment from LisaMay
First of all, are you sick, should I be worried? I had to look up what a phlebotomist is and someone is going to suck your blood it appears.
What magazines do you think they should add for the female perspective?
Other people's systems seem guaranteed to vex us; you have pointed this out very humorously in your well-observed manner.
Please explain: "What you YOU do if you were the only person" (is this meant to be "What would YOU do etc.?)
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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First of all, are you sick, should I be worried? I had to look up what a phlebotomist is and someone is going to suck your blood it appears.
What magazines do you think they should add for the female perspective?
Other people's systems seem guaranteed to vex us; you have pointed this out very humorously in your well-observed manner.
Please explain: "What you YOU do if you were the only person" (is this meant to be "What would YOU do etc.?)
Comment Written 16-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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1)The blood test was for the impending annual physical.
2)How about "Glamour," or "Cosmo"? Is that asking so much?! I'd even be okay with "Reader's Digest" or "AARP," I think...
3)There's a tv show here called "What Would You Do?", and the host is a journalist named John Quinones. They set up fake scenarios and then film how the real people observing them react.
So thank you for terrific review! xo