Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Chapter Achtzehn part vier"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
30 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
I seem that Anderson has won another round. Things are beginning to heat up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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I seem that Anderson has won another round. Things are beginning to heat up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the kind reiview.
Comment from apky
Another chapter I enjoyed reading, lots of action and conflicts in it.
Well done, Barbara.
As Shana's parents surrounded her with hugs ~ Here, as a reader, I would ask myself what the parents did the entire time their daughter's life was threatened. Did they just stand around and weight for when they could hug her? That doesn't sound credible. On the other hand, as a writer, you owe it to the reader to tell them what/where the parents are doing/feeling DURING the attack.
Wish I had some more coffee.(space)He walked over to them.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Another chapter I enjoyed reading, lots of action and conflicts in it.
Well done, Barbara.
As Shana's parents surrounded her with hugs ~ Here, as a reader, I would ask myself what the parents did the entire time their daughter's life was threatened. Did they just stand around and weight for when they could hug her? That doesn't sound credible. On the other hand, as a writer, you owe it to the reader to tell them what/where the parents are doing/feeling DURING the attack.
Wish I had some more coffee.(space)He walked over to them.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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As a writer, I am not in the parents POV. They would be concerned but as fast as this took place they wouldn't have the knowledge on how to respond. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good chapter. Some excitement to help make Anderson's point was a nice touch. I'm glad Anderson convinced Shana's parents he could protect her better than they could. I especially like this line:
"I understand your concern about her reputation, but I'm concerned with her life."
The part about the pregnant cat added a welcome touch of humor. :)
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Very good chapter. Some excitement to help make Anderson's point was a nice touch. I'm glad Anderson convinced Shana's parents he could protect her better than they could. I especially like this line:
"I understand your concern about her reputation, but I'm concerned with her life."
The part about the pregnant cat added a welcome touch of humor. :)
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
An excellent episode Barbara, the action scene was somewhat ironically funny, and we designed, and the problem of Shana's protection, convinced the parents, protection wins over reputation, every time, well done, good one, blessings, Roy
Suggestion .: "First, why (wasn't) the police informed?" Weren't? treated with the (upmost) respect. Utmost?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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An excellent episode Barbara, the action scene was somewhat ironically funny, and we designed, and the problem of Shana's protection, convinced the parents, protection wins over reputation, every time, well done, good one, blessings, Roy
Suggestion .: "First, why (wasn't) the police informed?" Weren't? treated with the (upmost) respect. Utmost?
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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I was wondering about the wasn't/weren't but have decided since it's dialogue not to worry about it. I have changed to utmost. Thank you for the kind review.
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Welcome Barbara
Comment from Ben Colder
Nothing wrong that I could see. Still a good story line and flows well with suspense. I think the Jewish community would enjoy this write but who really knows? Keep it rolling
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Nothing wrong that I could see. Still a good story line and flows well with suspense. I think the Jewish community would enjoy this write but who really knows? Keep it rolling
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Angela VA
I haven't read any of the other entries, but this looks like an interesting and action-packed book. Despite my lack of background, this section was still rather easy to follow. My only confusion was when the extra men arrived on the scene, but that was quickly explained as Anderson's own men.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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I haven't read any of the other entries, but this looks like an interesting and action-packed book. Despite my lack of background, this section was still rather easy to follow. My only confusion was when the extra men arrived on the scene, but that was quickly explained as Anderson's own men.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sis Cat
I just watched the biographical movie called "Molly's Game" in which the Russian Mafia torture a poker game organizer when she would not hire them as enforcers, so I felt extra concern for Shana's safety given what the Russian mafia has and is doing in your novel. They are not to be messed with. In this chapter you ratchet up the action with the knife incident in the hospital of all places. You would think that hospitals are safe, neutral ground but that is not always the case. I love how Anderson ribbed Mark, "Next time eat fewer donuts and only one cup of coffee. Deal?"
(This line is effective the first time and you need not repeat a different version of it, ". . . but just in case, how about less donuts?")
The core of this chapter is growing concern for Shana's safety. Anderson tells her family, "Benjamin, Eliana, this is why Shana can't stay with you. I understand your concern about her reputation, but I'm concerned with her life."
I love when Anderson offered her entire family a place to stay, even the pets:
"There are three, and one is pregnant."
The chapter ends with Anderson and Benjamin coming to an agreement that Shana is safer with him:
After Benjamin accepted it, he added, "Remember I have a princess and I understand a father's love and concern for his daughter."
The hurdle overcome, the story now advances to another level.
I noticed in this chapter for the first time that Shana has a passive "damsel in distress" role while Anderson is her "knight in shining armor." I do not know much about romance novels and if such tropes are standard today. I do know that our society's views of women are changing to the point where Shana may not be as appealing of a character as before. She lacks agency. She is always being rescued. She is never kicking the Mafia's butt. I think of the #MeToo movement and how women are speaking up about sexual harassment. There is a huge sea change in our society. Shana is on the side of the past where the woman is protected by either her father or a billionaire, both men. I do not know if her character would be appealing to audiences today. This is my cautionary note. When I think of the books and movies I have enjoyed lately, there was no Shana-like character who waits for the cavalry to arrive. The women were the cavalry.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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I just watched the biographical movie called "Molly's Game" in which the Russian Mafia torture a poker game organizer when she would not hire them as enforcers, so I felt extra concern for Shana's safety given what the Russian mafia has and is doing in your novel. They are not to be messed with. In this chapter you ratchet up the action with the knife incident in the hospital of all places. You would think that hospitals are safe, neutral ground but that is not always the case. I love how Anderson ribbed Mark, "Next time eat fewer donuts and only one cup of coffee. Deal?"
(This line is effective the first time and you need not repeat a different version of it, ". . . but just in case, how about less donuts?")
The core of this chapter is growing concern for Shana's safety. Anderson tells her family, "Benjamin, Eliana, this is why Shana can't stay with you. I understand your concern about her reputation, but I'm concerned with her life."
I love when Anderson offered her entire family a place to stay, even the pets:
"There are three, and one is pregnant."
The chapter ends with Anderson and Benjamin coming to an agreement that Shana is safer with him:
After Benjamin accepted it, he added, "Remember I have a princess and I understand a father's love and concern for his daughter."
The hurdle overcome, the story now advances to another level.
I noticed in this chapter for the first time that Shana has a passive "damsel in distress" role while Anderson is her "knight in shining armor." I do not know much about romance novels and if such tropes are standard today. I do know that our society's views of women are changing to the point where Shana may not be as appealing of a character as before. She lacks agency. She is always being rescued. She is never kicking the Mafia's butt. I think of the #MeToo movement and how women are speaking up about sexual harassment. There is a huge sea change in our society. Shana is on the side of the past where the woman is protected by either her father or a billionaire, both men. I do not know if her character would be appealing to audiences today. This is my cautionary note. When I think of the books and movies I have enjoyed lately, there was no Shana-like character who waits for the cavalry to arrive. The women were the cavalry.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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You are correct in your assessment. In her Jewish society, she is exactly where she needs to be. Shana will grow and will stand up to her father, and in some ways Anderson by the end of the novel. The big question is whether her father will disown her. Thank you for the kind review and a concern.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Years no matter, security and protection;, Anderson assures Benjamin that his daughter will be protected; physically and emotionally; well said, well done. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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Years no matter, security and protection;, Anderson assures Benjamin that his daughter will be protected; physically and emotionally; well said, well done. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
This is excellent and really grabs the readers' attention. Anderson and Shana have a close call there. I think you might prolong the threat. It seems over rather quickly. What's the feeling that's going on? Anderson finally seems to have earned Benjamin's trust. Anderson means what he says. He will look out for Shana. Father is a bit on the old-fashioned side. I love the bit about the cats, and one of them being pregnant, but it's come one, come all to ensure Shana's safety. This is a tricky situation, as they don't want to do something to make the Russians more dangerous. Benjamin has so many objections before he gives in. Very interesting. judi
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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This is excellent and really grabs the readers' attention. Anderson and Shana have a close call there. I think you might prolong the threat. It seems over rather quickly. What's the feeling that's going on? Anderson finally seems to have earned Benjamin's trust. Anderson means what he says. He will look out for Shana. Father is a bit on the old-fashioned side. I love the bit about the cats, and one of them being pregnant, but it's come one, come all to ensure Shana's safety. This is a tricky situation, as they don't want to do something to make the Russians more dangerous. Benjamin has so many objections before he gives in. Very interesting. judi
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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It will get a lot worse and Shana is hiding her feelings. They will come out in an interesting situation. Thank you for the kind review.
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I love your story. Shana's father adds an interesting note to the story. judi
Comment from Sankey
Great read, excitement, suspense, drama and emotions. I am debating with my self about whether "why was'nt the Police called?" OR "why were'nt the Police called" I guess the Police as a group go with the "was'nt" maybe?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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Great read, excitement, suspense, drama and emotions. I am debating with my self about whether "why was'nt the Police called?" OR "why were'nt the Police called" I guess the Police as a group go with the "was'nt" maybe?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
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It's in dialogue so really doesn't matter. LOL Thank you for the kind review,
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No worries probably the way of the Jewish folks speakin' hehe.