Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is a very good retelling of the passion of the Christ from the character of Simon. You've stuck to the story from the Bible and wrapped around it the reality of that day for a fictional character. Only one question I have. In the eleventh paragraph from the end, you say, "He took it from Jesus. . ." That sounds as if you mean the cross but Simon has been hauling it for some time. Or did you mean "It" to be something else? Best of luck with this.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Thank you, Carol, for your excellent and meaningful review. I also appreciate your thoughtful comments.
About five paragraphs above the one you mentioned, I wrote that Jesus came beside Simon, and they carried the cross together; so when Simon set the cross down on the hill, he took it from Jesus and set it down himself. I don?t know if that part is scripturally accurate (either paragraph), but the references to Simon the Cyrene in the Gospel of Luke does say that he bore the cross "after" Jesus, which could mean either that Jesus walked in front of him and he walked behind him, carrying the cross, or that they both carried it, with Jesus carrying the part in front, and Simon in the back. I also wondered whether Jesus would want Simon to carry His cross the whole distance, so at some point I had Jesus step beside him and share the burden.
The story we are writing is supposed to be based upon Scripture, so I did the best I could, with the facts as I understood them, but at the same time, I wouldn't feel comfortable changing what's actually established in the Bible, so maybe when the contest is over, and it wouldn't be objectionable to make a substantial revision, I should just have Simon carry the cross by himself, which seems to be the prevailing view.
When I reviewed artwork for the post (most of which seemed to have some kind of a copyright attached to it), I saw at least one depiction of Simon and Jesus carrying the cross together, which also reflects that differing interpretation, but I'll probably end up revising it to fit the predominant view.
You're the only person, so far, who asked me a question about this... very observant!
Thank you.

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 09-Sep-2021

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 09-Sep-2021

Also one of the more common views now days is that only the cross piece was carried as no one who'd been scourged could carry even that much. Thus the need for Simon. Supposedly the uprights were set and the person being crucified was hauled up attached to the crosspiece. It was against the law to crucify a Roman citizen, which means St. Paul could not be crucified.

reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021

Thank you very much for this scholarly update, from the cultural and historical perspective. It's always good to understand the context in which events took place. I think Paul was still executed, although I don't know the means, but it's likely that Peter was crucified, as is commonly believed -- unless there's a reason to think otherwise.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed this Biblical story. You told it in an easy to understand and enjoyable form. I want to wish you luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Thank you, Barbara, for a great review, and for your meaningful and thoughtful comments. I'm glad you enjoyed my story, and that I was able to convey Biblical truth.

Comment from Sharon Haiste

Excellent

I think this is a good entry for the Biblical Inspiration contest.
The story here is well told and has a strong and clear message.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Dear Sharon, thank you for this beautiful and excellent review. I appreciate your thoughtful comments very much and your attention to the message of the story.

Comment from AliMom

Excellent

What a beautiful and passionate re-telling of the Passion of Christ. The attention to detail is worked in wonderfully. It is interesting to hear the story from the point of view of the man who carried the cross to Golgotha. You have handled the story carefully and diligently telling Christ's last hours of suffering and our redemption story very well. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Thank you very much, AliMom, for your kind, lovely and meaningful review of my story. I really appreciate your very thoughtful comments. I am being careful not to sign these replies! It is a joy to know that other believers appreciate the re-telling of the Passion of Our Lord, from this perspective. To God be the glory.

Comment from siais

Excellent

39 So when the centurion, who stood opposite Him, saw that He cried out like this and breathed His last, he said, "Truly this Man was the Son of God!"


Thanks for sharing, the most important chapter about realization.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Thank you, Siais, for this powerful review. Yes, Mark Chapter 15 contains powerful truth and revelation, leading to realizations by both its real-life characters and to countless readers, through two millennia, about the person and character of Jesus Christ. Amen!

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Beautiful writing. You have developed the story well, adding interesting detail which although fictional brings the story to life. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

Dear Wendy, thank you very much for your lovely and excellent review of my story. I appreciate your meaningful and thoughtful comments very much.

Comment from Senyai

Exceptional

Hi Mystery Writer,

This account is accurate and spellbinding anew, though I have read and heard it so many times. You have presented the story in such a personal storytelling way by Simon, to the Cyrene's granddaughter, Penelope, that the wonderful story came alive once again!

Thank you for sharing this stunning Bible story of the greatest gift to mankind.

Always,
Senyai

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021

Thank you so much, Senyai, for your meaningful and glowing review, and especially for the six stars. I deeply appreciate your beautiful description of my story and through it, I can sense your own true faith. I'm blessed that we share a love for Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

reply by Senyai on 09-Sep-2021

You are so very welcome!

Comment from Mama Baer

Excellent

Thank you for the effort you put into researching and expanding this story to make Simon and Penelope--and Jesus--seem so real. I love the way you described so many of the tiny details. Hair and skin color, terms of endearment, dialogue, even the wood of the cross. It helps me re-enact this story in my mind and ponder what it was like. They were real, actual people! This is just one tiny suggestion, and there is probably a reason you did it this way, but on a few of the quotes, the ending quotation mark was missing. This was a tender, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking read.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2021

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2021

Thank you, Mama Baer, for your excellent, meaningful and thoughtful review -- and the very first one I received, for this story! I guess the hazard of posting in the middle of the night, is that you have to wait for the reviews -- unless maybe you're overseas? I'm just happy you liked the story, and that it highlighted the truth it contained.
Thank you for being concerned about the quotation marks. I agree that it feels strange, but when quoting the same speaker in consecutive paragraphs, it actually is correct to begin each paragraph with an opening quotation mark, and to omit the ending quotation mark until that person stops speaking. Then it starts again for each person, until they stop talking.
Have a blessed day, or night, wherever you live!

reply by Mama Baer on 09-Sep-2021

Thank you for clarifying the quotation mark rule for me, and for taking the time to respond to my review!

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021

You're very welcome, my friend.