Bluejay Fallen
They Neither Sow, Nor Do They Reap52 total reviews
Comment from kmoss
I really liked this story. Your descriptions are so clear. I could picture the whole scene. And the large metaphor. Thanks for sharing such a personal moment. I'm pretty sure this one is the winner of the true story contest! Good luck!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I really liked this story. Your descriptions are so clear. I could picture the whole scene. And the large metaphor. Thanks for sharing such a personal moment. I'm pretty sure this one is the winner of the true story contest! Good luck!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Krystal. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Jay!
Wow!
Just wow.
How's that for an inarticulate two lines from a former college professor? :)
I was mesmerized by the action, characters, and message of your exceptionally well-crafted biographical non-fiction offering.
It saddens me that this offering is biographical, but that is oftentimes reality.
And how powerful that the bluejay is a symbol for the end of your marriage.
Having been joyfully married to the same man for 42 years this coming June, I cringed when I read of your former wife's actions and retorts. I was embarrassed for her... Sounds rather selfish to me...
Anyway, I applaud not only your creativity and writing ability, but your honesty.
And I am so very disappointed that I do not have six stars to affix on this moving offering.
Best Wishes!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Hello Jay!
Wow!
Just wow.
How's that for an inarticulate two lines from a former college professor? :)
I was mesmerized by the action, characters, and message of your exceptionally well-crafted biographical non-fiction offering.
It saddens me that this offering is biographical, but that is oftentimes reality.
And how powerful that the bluejay is a symbol for the end of your marriage.
Having been joyfully married to the same man for 42 years this coming June, I cringed when I read of your former wife's actions and retorts. I was embarrassed for her... Sounds rather selfish to me...
Anyway, I applaud not only your creativity and writing ability, but your honesty.
And I am so very disappointed that I do not have six stars to affix on this moving offering.
Best Wishes!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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With such lovely words, Diane, you didn't need a six. Autobiography is always going to be skewed by the skin in which the writer resides. I know I was terribly hard to live with. And what I stuttered and stammered in real-life conversation comes out as wit in my writing.
Thank you for your kind words and the lovely stars.
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I write mostly autobiographical nonfiction when I venture over to this side of FanStory. I know the "skin" of which you refer...
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment from RetroStarfish
Wonderful vignette and so well told. You have an excellent way of taking a simple moment in time, and describing it with great clarity and context. The minefield you carefully walked while having lunch with your ex, as a war raged in the tree nearby and then, catastrophe. The death of the relationship or the bird? Both. Great story.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Wonderful vignette and so well told. You have an excellent way of taking a simple moment in time, and describing it with great clarity and context. The minefield you carefully walked while having lunch with your ex, as a war raged in the tree nearby and then, catastrophe. The death of the relationship or the bird? Both. Great story.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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That was lovely, Retro. Thanks for digging into it and coming out with the meaning. And I can't thank you enough for the six stars.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You always seem to bring something to mind that I can relate to. In this case the memories aren't so pleasant, but still very relatable. After many years, not 49, my other half looked at me and said, "I don't love you anymore." I loved her as much or more than ever. But it takes two to make a union work, so I moved on. Three-years later, she confessed she had made a mistake and missed me. All I could say is that it's not a good feeling is it, and walked away. I could never set myself up for such heartbreak again; therefore, I've never seen her since. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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You always seem to bring something to mind that I can relate to. In this case the memories aren't so pleasant, but still very relatable. After many years, not 49, my other half looked at me and said, "I don't love you anymore." I loved her as much or more than ever. But it takes two to make a union work, so I moved on. Three-years later, she confessed she had made a mistake and missed me. All I could say is that it's not a good feeling is it, and walked away. I could never set myself up for such heartbreak again; therefore, I've never seen her since. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a six.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Don't worry about the six, Ric. Your words have six written all over them. I'm sorry you had to go through a similar situation. My wife's friends have confided in me that she never has said a negative word about me. Yet I know I was not an easy person to live with.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Oh, no you got in troubled because of a bird, but you have to admit that seniorita explanation was a sensible one: "
"It could have been a heart attack," I suggested. "You hear of people dying at the wheel of their car." I waved my finger at the table. "Or over lunch."
"It's not that."
"It just happens. God blinked."
"
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Oh, no you got in troubled because of a bird, but you have to admit that seniorita explanation was a sensible one: "
"It could have been a heart attack," I suggested. "You hear of people dying at the wheel of their car." I waved my finger at the table. "Or over lunch."
"It's not that."
"It just happens. God blinked."
"
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Hahaha, yes it was sensible. Thanks, Iza for your kind words and the stars.
Comment from karenina
Loved the metaphor of the flickering light...the untrimmed wick. Anyone who has experienced that knows it's not a sudden absolute black out...we have warnings as the light dims oh so slowly... If we leave it unattended we will find ourselves in deeper shadow until, at last, the "glow" has waned entirely and we sigh--knowing that we could have, should have, heeded the warning.
So it is with relationships. They too need tending. One must choose to engage and communicate and bring "fuel" in the form of interest and appreciation...or the spark of love is smothered. OH perhaps there will be a glowing ember in remembrance of what was. But the light is forever diminished. Our "heart-wick" too, has been neglected. We come to appreciate the silence, even as we acknowledge that the light of romance was once entrancing...
I will allow myself to be redundant and say I always enjoy your writing...your metaphorical subtleties stretch far beyond the limits of the "page" or post. Reading you is as much stopping to meander between the lines as appreciating your adept turn of the phrase.
I've experienced this life change. Not my fault, or his... Ours, to be sure. I missed him as he immersed himself in new interests and hobbies, but remained silent. I retaliated (though I wouldn't have described it thus at the time) by establishing my own separate interests. Ardor became familiarity, which weakened to warmth, and finally we slipped from summer to fall -- recognizing, both of us, how we'd turned away from each other to ward off the chill, while remaining...what? Conversant? Distant but courteous?
Winter blew in and we had to recognize the apparent dearth of willingness to make the effort...or believe that we could do so. We parted.
All of this, and more culminates, in your piece, as a warning parable...
The groups of finches and blackbirds all a chatter and defending their clan... Alive and distractingly loud! The solitary bluejay perched and balanced in his life's moment--no chatter, no "flock" at his side... Alive and observant one second and fallen dead the next.
The meaning is less obvious than it is a welcome to all readers to examine their perception of what happened. You lead us to the quandary...and silently leave us to evaluate who we are, in your true tale...
Six stars my friend... Every time I read you my hunger to improve my own writing grows stronger!
Karenina
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Loved the metaphor of the flickering light...the untrimmed wick. Anyone who has experienced that knows it's not a sudden absolute black out...we have warnings as the light dims oh so slowly... If we leave it unattended we will find ourselves in deeper shadow until, at last, the "glow" has waned entirely and we sigh--knowing that we could have, should have, heeded the warning.
So it is with relationships. They too need tending. One must choose to engage and communicate and bring "fuel" in the form of interest and appreciation...or the spark of love is smothered. OH perhaps there will be a glowing ember in remembrance of what was. But the light is forever diminished. Our "heart-wick" too, has been neglected. We come to appreciate the silence, even as we acknowledge that the light of romance was once entrancing...
I will allow myself to be redundant and say I always enjoy your writing...your metaphorical subtleties stretch far beyond the limits of the "page" or post. Reading you is as much stopping to meander between the lines as appreciating your adept turn of the phrase.
I've experienced this life change. Not my fault, or his... Ours, to be sure. I missed him as he immersed himself in new interests and hobbies, but remained silent. I retaliated (though I wouldn't have described it thus at the time) by establishing my own separate interests. Ardor became familiarity, which weakened to warmth, and finally we slipped from summer to fall -- recognizing, both of us, how we'd turned away from each other to ward off the chill, while remaining...what? Conversant? Distant but courteous?
Winter blew in and we had to recognize the apparent dearth of willingness to make the effort...or believe that we could do so. We parted.
All of this, and more culminates, in your piece, as a warning parable...
The groups of finches and blackbirds all a chatter and defending their clan... Alive and distractingly loud! The solitary bluejay perched and balanced in his life's moment--no chatter, no "flock" at his side... Alive and observant one second and fallen dead the next.
The meaning is less obvious than it is a welcome to all readers to examine their perception of what happened. You lead us to the quandary...and silently leave us to evaluate who we are, in your true tale...
Six stars my friend... Every time I read you my hunger to improve my own writing grows stronger!
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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You know how you can have your bills automatically withdrawn from your account? Well, that's what I might as well set up for your reviewer nomination. I'll check with Tom. Seriously, your name is down for next month with this one. So complete. So spot on! (psst, plus you say nice things about me.) Funny how you read the lines, over, under and between the lines for hidden meaning, and I had one reviewer imply I was wrong being so cavalier about the dead bird that fell in my wife's soup!
Thank you, Karenina! For all you do to my spirits.
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I would say the reviewer was WAY off for that shallow interpretation! I am glad your spirits are lifted...but they are lifted by your skill and incredible ability to weave all that meaning over, under an din between the lines! (I'll seriously never have anything but nice things to say about you!)--I know talent when I read it! SMILES---Karenina
Comment from royowen
I've been married for many years, but any thought of separation went on a walk many years ago, just trying to grasp it I suppose, marriage is a covenant. But who knows? I don't, but I did like the reflection, a bird falling off a twig, a shadow of the finality of things, God claiming back His own, hey, body for rent, move on, it's over. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I've been married for many years, but any thought of separation went on a walk many years ago, just trying to grasp it I suppose, marriage is a covenant. But who knows? I don't, but I did like the reflection, a bird falling off a twig, a shadow of the finality of things, God claiming back His own, hey, body for rent, move on, it's over. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I love your words, I will never forget, though, the timing of that bird's death. Thanks, Roy. You are always so non-judgmental.
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Bless you Jay,
Comment from Mastery
I sincerely wish I had six stars for this A plus plus plus writing, Jay. This is a masterpiece:
" While it's true that the flowering of meaningful communication had begun to wilt in the later years of our marriage, we did talk, and we were even talking now, as I stole covert glances at her. It's just that I got very good at recognizing certain familiar landmarks along the conversational path she was taking so that I could wander off to my mental playground nearby, still being within earshot, to return to her path at the drop of a question mark."
And this gem: "Sentinels of blackbirds were guarding their limb against a family of finches hell-bent on making that property its own. I was lost in the Darwinian struggle, the puffing-up of a hundred feathered breasts, the darting attacks, and quick retreats, the battle cries, the taunting, the surrenders." WOW!
What emotion is conveyed. what true love can be heard in your words, my friend. Great writing. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I sincerely wish I had six stars for this A plus plus plus writing, Jay. This is a masterpiece:
" While it's true that the flowering of meaningful communication had begun to wilt in the later years of our marriage, we did talk, and we were even talking now, as I stole covert glances at her. It's just that I got very good at recognizing certain familiar landmarks along the conversational path she was taking so that I could wander off to my mental playground nearby, still being within earshot, to return to her path at the drop of a question mark."
And this gem: "Sentinels of blackbirds were guarding their limb against a family of finches hell-bent on making that property its own. I was lost in the Darwinian struggle, the puffing-up of a hundred feathered breasts, the darting attacks, and quick retreats, the battle cries, the taunting, the surrenders." WOW!
What emotion is conveyed. what true love can be heard in your words, my friend. Great writing. Bob
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Awwww, Bob, thank you for your kind words. Never, ever worry about a six. Your words mean so much more to me than that.
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Great writing Jay. Seriously. Bob
Comment from Begin Again
Quite a telling story, my friend. It's strange how two people who bonded in marriage somehow slowly drift apart without ever being aware until the chasm is too great. To this very day, I don't dislike my ex-husband, but I strain to remember what brought us together. Life just meanders and we follow. Your storytelling of your journey is humorous, heartbreaking, and honest. Bravo!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Quite a telling story, my friend. It's strange how two people who bonded in marriage somehow slowly drift apart without ever being aware until the chasm is too great. To this very day, I don't dislike my ex-husband, but I strain to remember what brought us together. Life just meanders and we follow. Your storytelling of your journey is humorous, heartbreaking, and honest. Bravo!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Begin again! That could have been the subtitle for Bluejay Fallen. And I settled for an excerpt from a Bible quote. Thank you so much for your thoughtful review, Begin again!
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
There's some very good stuff here, thanks for posting.
"WE HAD AGREED after forty-nine years, eight months, that the light had gone out in our marriage." Off the bat I immediately think, either list the months and days too, or tell me "after nearly 50 years"
Suggested edit "We phoned our adult children. There was denial, of course, and expectations that it would just go away, like a bellyache would, or like a cold that had run its course." - "We phoned our children. There was denial, and the expectation it would go away. Like a bellyache, or a cold that had run its course.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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There's some very good stuff here, thanks for posting.
"WE HAD AGREED after forty-nine years, eight months, that the light had gone out in our marriage." Off the bat I immediately think, either list the months and days too, or tell me "after nearly 50 years"
Suggested edit "We phoned our adult children. There was denial, of course, and expectations that it would just go away, like a bellyache would, or like a cold that had run its course." - "We phoned our children. There was denial, and the expectation it would go away. Like a bellyache, or a cold that had run its course.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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You've got some good ideas about trimming some fat. Well noted. I can't really do anything about it now, or shouldn't, since it's in the hands of the judges. You have a good eye, Jimmy. Probably both of them.