Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart"Shenanigans on the frontier
22 total reviews
Comment from Scarbrems
No need to be kind, mate, this is a great chapter! Plenty of action, good, realistic period dialogue...what's not to like?
A couple of nits:
Roseanna laughed again.(add space)Doo liked the way she laughed(.) (I)t was a genuine(add space)laugh of a confident woman, not (the) fake giggle of a girl'
"I think we're being followed by two cut(-) purses(.) (T)hey're going to be sorely disappointed(;) I don't have a cent on me," he whispered back
This is good stuff. I look forward to reading more
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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No need to be kind, mate, this is a great chapter! Plenty of action, good, realistic period dialogue...what's not to like?
A couple of nits:
Roseanna laughed again.(add space)Doo liked the way she laughed(.) (I)t was a genuine(add space)laugh of a confident woman, not (the) fake giggle of a girl'
"I think we're being followed by two cut(-) purses(.) (T)hey're going to be sorely disappointed(;) I don't have a cent on me," he whispered back
This is good stuff. I look forward to reading more
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thanks for pointing out my punctuation errors, I fixed them. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Lingo fits the storyline. You seem to do that rather well. Granny appears rather feisty. A good frontier story is always an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Lingo fits the storyline. You seem to do that rather well. Granny appears rather feisty. A good frontier story is always an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you Brett. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Stephanie Launiu
You really have a knack for writing this period and regional frontier dialect. That is your strong point. The story line is good, but the post was very long. I think you could have divided it up into a couple of posts. There were so many moving parts in the story I had to keep referring to the character list to see who was who. But it was very entertaining, and I look forward to reading more from you. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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You really have a knack for writing this period and regional frontier dialect. That is your strong point. The story line is good, but the post was very long. I think you could have divided it up into a couple of posts. There were so many moving parts in the story I had to keep referring to the character list to see who was who. But it was very entertaining, and I look forward to reading more from you. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you Stephanie. I wrote this long because I intend to publish it. I know there are a lot of moving parts that's why I put the character list in, appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from JudyE
I enjoyed your story. I picked up a few what I think are errors but of course feel free to ignore them if you don't agree.
He has appeared bareheaded - did you mean 'he had appeared bareheaded'.
He moved his family west of the Allegheny's the following year. I'd switch this to: The following year, he moved his family west of the Allegheny's. Saves having consecutive sentences starting with 'he'.
his blue eyes glittered like ice with anger. I'd leave out 'with anger'. Glittered like ice' implies anger and the next sentence shows that Zack is angry.
Realizing there was money to be made in the fledgling United States so he returned. The word 'so' isn't needed.
Off to read the early chapters now. Thanks for an entertaining read.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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I enjoyed your story. I picked up a few what I think are errors but of course feel free to ignore them if you don't agree.
He has appeared bareheaded - did you mean 'he had appeared bareheaded'.
He moved his family west of the Allegheny's the following year. I'd switch this to: The following year, he moved his family west of the Allegheny's. Saves having consecutive sentences starting with 'he'.
his blue eyes glittered like ice with anger. I'd leave out 'with anger'. Glittered like ice' implies anger and the next sentence shows that Zack is angry.
Realizing there was money to be made in the fledgling United States so he returned. The word 'so' isn't needed.
Off to read the early chapters now. Thanks for an entertaining read.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thanks for pointing out my grammar errors, I fixed them. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Rob Caudle
Earl, so glad to see you back to this I love the history romance and a frontier tale all told well in perfect dialect. Your dialog is well crafted and your sense of story well penned. I liked the lists but this my friend is writing.
Rob
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Earl, so glad to see you back to this I love the history romance and a frontier tale all told well in perfect dialect. Your dialog is well crafted and your sense of story well penned. I liked the lists but this my friend is writing.
Rob
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you Rob, appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from lyenochka
Hi Earl,
This is a good series of stories and I enjoyed the dialogue and Roseanna Carter's cool shooting. But I was lost a few times trying to figure out who was talking and where and when they were talking. I think it would be better as maybe four different posts. Just my two cents. Good characters!
There were places with spacing issues like this one:
Roseanna laughed again.Doo liked the way she laughed it was a genuinelaugh of a
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Hi Earl,
This is a good series of stories and I enjoyed the dialogue and Roseanna Carter's cool shooting. But I was lost a few times trying to figure out who was talking and where and when they were talking. I think it would be better as maybe four different posts. Just my two cents. Good characters!
There were places with spacing issues like this one:
Roseanna laughed again.Doo liked the way she laughed it was a genuinelaugh of a
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank. I wrote this long because I intend to publish it. I know there are a lot of moving parts that's why I put the character list in, I fixed the spacing issues. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from LaFrance
This was a thrilling chapter Earl. You put alot into this one, which read will especially the dialogue, which I admire. I'm enjoying the characters and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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This was a thrilling chapter Earl. You put alot into this one, which read will especially the dialogue, which I admire. I'm enjoying the characters and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you LaFrance. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Jennie Phelps
Very interesting chapter. An enjoyable read. It made me want to continue reading the story. Your character development very good. Good luck and God bless!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Very interesting chapter. An enjoyable read. It made me want to continue reading the story. Your character development very good. Good luck and God bless!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you Jennie.I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Zack Carter [scared]the hell out of him as well. (insert word)
Well earl I am a poet not a writer my friend, but there were spots I became confused and had to go back over a few times. I think you need more imagery. The post is really long too. The story is interesting and I love the fact Roseanne is telling it to the children. I applaud your efforts and wish you well. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Zack Carter [scared]the hell out of him as well. (insert word)
Well earl I am a poet not a writer my friend, but there were spots I became confused and had to go back over a few times. I think you need more imagery. The post is really long too. The story is interesting and I love the fact Roseanne is telling it to the children. I applaud your efforts and wish you well. Nancy:)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you Nancy. I wrote this long because I intend to publish it. I know there are a lot of moving parts that's why I put the character list in. Iappreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from kiwijenny
I liked the story of Doo and Roseanna. I found the leaps from tale to tale bewildering .
If you made shorter chapters and focused on one story it would work for us who have jumped in to review
Well done what I could follow
God bless
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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I liked the story of Doo and Roseanna. I found the leaps from tale to tale bewildering .
If you made shorter chapters and focused on one story it would work for us who have jumped in to review
Well done what I could follow
God bless
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thank you. I wrote this long because I intend to publish it. I know there are a lot of moving parts that's why I put the character list in. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.