The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "The Drug Bust"A Novel
39 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
I read some of the reviews. Estory and Pope's comments have validity in my opinion. Again, I see your making use of poetic devices in the humorous reference to boobs and bottoms. LOL
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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I read some of the reviews. Estory and Pope's comments have validity in my opinion. Again, I see your making use of poetic devices in the humorous reference to boobs and bottoms. LOL
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thanks very much for your comments and suggestions, Shari. I'll have to think about ways of introducing more direct action. Telling the story from the POV of one of the characters limits my choices a bit. All the best, Tony
Comment from estory
I think the dialogue is lively here, realistic, but I have to wonder if it would be better if you had staged the drug bust and had all the action instead of reading about it in the paper. It would have been the adrenaline shot I've been looking for in this story. The mystery is still there, and there is an interesting correlation I think between the dwarf and Lautrec and his painting; Lautrec of course was a dwarf. But how are they involved in this drug gang? Well it seems Helen and Charles and Jeanne are off for England now and we'll see what comes of this trip and what unravels from this intertwined story. estory
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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I think the dialogue is lively here, realistic, but I have to wonder if it would be better if you had staged the drug bust and had all the action instead of reading about it in the paper. It would have been the adrenaline shot I've been looking for in this story. The mystery is still there, and there is an interesting correlation I think between the dwarf and Lautrec and his painting; Lautrec of course was a dwarf. But how are they involved in this drug gang? Well it seems Helen and Charles and Jeanne are off for England now and we'll see what comes of this trip and what unravels from this intertwined story. estory
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thanks very much for your comments and suggestions, estory. I'll have to think about ways of introducing more direct action. Telling the story from the POV of one of the characters limits my choices a bit. All the best, Tony
Comment from Debbie Pope
I have been looking forward to this next chapter, Tony. The wonderful relationship between Charles and Helen seems to be falling apart a little in this chapter. They are acting like husband and wife, getting on each other's nerves. That is probably pretty realistic though.
There is a lot going on in this chapter. You have me curious about the newspaper headline. I'll be reading.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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I have been looking forward to this next chapter, Tony. The wonderful relationship between Charles and Helen seems to be falling apart a little in this chapter. They are acting like husband and wife, getting on each other's nerves. That is probably pretty realistic though.
There is a lot going on in this chapter. You have me curious about the newspaper headline. I'll be reading.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Debbie. I appreciate your review and comments. Charles is having to put up with a lot, and it's obviously getting to him. The shine seems to be wearing off their relationship a bit. I'm not sure yet whether it is just a rough patch or a deeper rift developing. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sugarray77
Hello Tony. This is a very good addition to your story. I do not understand a few things. After being obsessed with finding Kayla, Helen easily leaves Paris, but her passionate interest is still strong in Jeanne... it is illogical after having heard what Kayla and Charles have said about her. Also, you have allowed Helen to belittle and trivialize
Charles to the point he is becoming unimportant... even though he is the narrator... Just my observations.
Melissa
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Hello Tony. This is a very good addition to your story. I do not understand a few things. After being obsessed with finding Kayla, Helen easily leaves Paris, but her passionate interest is still strong in Jeanne... it is illogical after having heard what Kayla and Charles have said about her. Also, you have allowed Helen to belittle and trivialize
Charles to the point he is becoming unimportant... even though he is the narrator... Just my observations.
Melissa
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Melissa. I appreciate your review and perceptive comments. I agree - Helen's behaviour is both strange and illogical at the moment. I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it soon. Charles is having to put up with a lot, and it's obviously getting to him as well. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from apky
You have some magnificent imageries in this chapter. I like, for example, the one about being able to milk the venom out of her or even withdrawing the fangs altogether.
And Mme Durand discharging herself earlier seem suspiciously tied to Kayla having woken up early and gone.
Overall, a brilliant chapter that intriques and engages throughout.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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You have some magnificent imageries in this chapter. I like, for example, the one about being able to milk the venom out of her or even withdrawing the fangs altogether.
And Mme Durand discharging herself earlier seem suspiciously tied to Kayla having woken up early and gone.
Overall, a brilliant chapter that intriques and engages throughout.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Aki. I particularly appreciate your supportive comments and the encouragement of the sixth star. Coming from you, it means a great deal to me, and is just what I need at the moment to help me keep going. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from WryWriter
This chapter is wonderful! It holds the reader's attention well. I like the understory (male/female tug of war). The chapter progresses logically and each paragraph transitions just as it should. A few suggestions for your consideration. (As always, however, the writer knows best!)
I mumbled, with my mouth full.
[Thinking this would be easier to read either:
I mumbled; my mouth full. (OR) My mouth full, I mumbled, "A bit farfetched, but possible, I suppose."]
-- get this( - )he
"Yes, she'd only need to wiggle the naughty bits, and he'll (he'd) be hooked."
Lautrec's lost painting( - )the one
hang about there for ever, (forever)
It seemed to me that the only way of destroying Helen's dangerous relationship might be to implement my original intention, and spirit the pernicious old viper away to England for a while. (Think I would drop the "and")
You're impossible (omit ,) with that bloody English sangfroid of yours."
[Loved this part! :
I didn't bother to reply, but regarded her speculatively, recalling Napoleon's famous words: "He who is full of courage and sangfroid before an enemy battery sometimes trembles before a skirt.''
"What are you smiling at, Charles?"
"Oh, nothing."
"-- and what's with that ridiculous trembling, for goodness sake? You look like an alcoholic with the DTs."]
"Come on,(period or exclamation point) (W) we're wasting our time here,"
"Now the three of us can leave for England together, just as we planned,(;) can't we?"
As usual with your story, a great and enjoyable read! : )
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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This chapter is wonderful! It holds the reader's attention well. I like the understory (male/female tug of war). The chapter progresses logically and each paragraph transitions just as it should. A few suggestions for your consideration. (As always, however, the writer knows best!)
I mumbled, with my mouth full.
[Thinking this would be easier to read either:
I mumbled; my mouth full. (OR) My mouth full, I mumbled, "A bit farfetched, but possible, I suppose."]
-- get this( - )he
"Yes, she'd only need to wiggle the naughty bits, and he'll (he'd) be hooked."
Lautrec's lost painting( - )the one
hang about there for ever, (forever)
It seemed to me that the only way of destroying Helen's dangerous relationship might be to implement my original intention, and spirit the pernicious old viper away to England for a while. (Think I would drop the "and")
You're impossible (omit ,) with that bloody English sangfroid of yours."
[Loved this part! :
I didn't bother to reply, but regarded her speculatively, recalling Napoleon's famous words: "He who is full of courage and sangfroid before an enemy battery sometimes trembles before a skirt.''
"What are you smiling at, Charles?"
"Oh, nothing."
"-- and what's with that ridiculous trembling, for goodness sake? You look like an alcoholic with the DTs."]
"Come on,(period or exclamation point) (W) we're wasting our time here,"
"Now the three of us can leave for England together, just as we planned,(;) can't we?"
As usual with your story, a great and enjoyable read! : )
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Very many thanks for this wonderfully perceptive review and for your suggestions, almost all of which I have implemented. I can't thank you enough for your support, time and care. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Tootsie55
Good chapter again. Still full of plenty of suspense and hints of more drama ahead. No spags anywhere. We have missed you. Did you go away over the break? Thanks again.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Good chapter again. Still full of plenty of suspense and hints of more drama ahead. No spags anywhere. We have missed you. Did you go away over the break? Thanks again.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Tootsie. I appreciate your kind review and comments. I have been a bit busy over the past few weeks, with less time to devote to FS. Beginning to get back into the swing again now. Best wishes, Tony
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Hope you will catch up sorry the rewards are probably run out.
Comment from lyenochka
Superb job, Tony! I loved your literary allusion to Animal Farm and the Napoleon quote. You made the characters so clear and I'm afraid that I relate more to Charles' English sangfroid than Helen's emotional outbursts.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Superb job, Tony! I loved your literary allusion to Animal Farm and the Napoleon quote. You made the characters so clear and I'm afraid that I relate more to Charles' English sangfroid than Helen's emotional outbursts.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Helen. I appreciate your comments. I agree - Helen's outbursts are getting a little tedious. The shine seems to be going off their relationship a bit. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I totally enjoyed reading this post and this entire novel. You have a good story on your hands and I can't wait to see what happens next.
She, like all women, seemed to be equipped with an antenna capable of picking up vibrations beyond the wit of man. (LOL)
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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I totally enjoyed reading this post and this entire novel. You have a good story on your hands and I can't wait to see what happens next.
She, like all women, seemed to be equipped with an antenna capable of picking up vibrations beyond the wit of man. (LOL)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Barbara. I appreciate your kind review, as always, and the great encouragement that your sixth star gives me.. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from susand3022
Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basicly sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember.... LEARNING IS EARNING
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
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Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basicly sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember.... LEARNING IS EARNING
Comment Written 08-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
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I welcome constructive criticism. There are a few on this site who have both the inclination and the expertise to give it. It?s a rare and precious commodity. Fortunately not everyone seeks it, else reviewing would take over one?s entire life. There have to be a few places to collect easier members? cents. Thank God!
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Hi tfawcus, I'm not familliar with the rest of the story so I can only base my review on this chapter alone. I found it to be well written. Everything was well described.
That said I did find one spot you may want to take another look at. The paragraph that begins, "I was in two minds about returnng to the hospital..." should read, "I was (of) two minds..."
The rest was very well done. I for one, have a dreadful time with character development. Best, Susan
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Very many thanks for your suggestion, Susan. This is another of those blessed American English v British English things. In British English, the phrase 'of two minds' is met occasionally, but is comparatively rare. The more common form, particularly in spoken language, is 'in two minds'. However, since both forms are sometimes used, I may change this in accordance with your suggestion. Thanks for drawing my attention to it.