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Perennials of War

Viewing comments for Chapter 101 "Chapter Dreissig Part vier"
Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan

20 total reviews 
Comment from Gert sherwood
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello Barb
I like the fishing scene and the conversation between Anderson and Jeff who takes care to make sure Shana has enough protection from what I believe is the Russian Mafia.
What a cliff hanger -- that Anderson three German shepherds ( Axel, Thor and Romeo )
are keeping Shana corned it the kitchen, why?
Gert

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    We'll find out in the next post. Thank you for the encouragement.
reply by Gert sherwood on 28-Oct-2018
    Good will be waiting
    Gert
Comment from Ben Colder
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Well what does one say. Hitched? Been thinking about that as well. These two are ironing out the situation but something is still in the wood works. Bow Wow! Goof one Barb. A 10 # Bass would have been nice. LOL.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an excellent chapter and as always, terrific dialogue that brings the characters to life. I find it strange that the dogs won't let anyone in or out of the kitchen, I anxiously wait to find out why.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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That's a tun up for the books, the dogs not allowing to move out of the kitchen, and not allowing the security near her either, does that mean that the dogs are more intelligent than security. Drew poses the question to Jeff, is he being over protective. Jeff assure Drew, she's stronger than he thinks. Well done Barbara, great episode, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    Thank you for the kind review.
reply by royowen on 28-Oct-2018
    Welcome
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Oh, Barbara! What a horrid place to end!! Have I really got to wait until next Sunday to know what those dogs are up to? I know one thing, they wouldn't be doing it unless they thought she was in danger. Perhaps they are suspicious of the guards?? Love those dogs, in fact, you can send them over to me!
This was a lovely chapter, I especially liked what Drew's mum told him, she was right. Well, I hope you are already half way through the next part, you could post it tomorrow if you'd like, I won't mind!! LOL, Superb, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    I have completed the novel. So I am just waiting to post, but I need the pumps to do so. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 28-Oct-2018
    Can I ask how many more chapters? I want to know if Shana does marry Drew, but I know you won't tell me!!! lol.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    I'm not sure how many chapters because I usually post about 500 words, but it will be about Feb. 10th for the final post.
Comment from Ulla
Excellent
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Hi Barbara, this is a great new chapter and I'm glad that Drew finally opens up to Jeff, who finally tells him what he thinks. But has it helped though? And now Shana is cornered by the dogs. Oh, dear. Looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    I sure hope Drew does listen, but old habits are hard to change. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
Excellent
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I will believe the dogs are serious when they start packing guns. Romeo does a good impression of Clint Eastwood. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    Romeo and Clint Eastwood, humm!!! LOL Thank you for the kind review.
reply by c_lucas on 28-Oct-2018
    You're welcome
Comment from barkingdog
Excellent
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While they were fishing, I kept thinking 'aren't they still hungry' since they were going to go to the barbecue place for food.
Somehow the fishing thing just didn't seem to fit. They weren't watching their backs. They could go to a secluded place to talk without being totally exposed with their backs turned while facing the water.
I didn't see anything amiss with the writing. It was clean and the dialogue was fine.

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 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    You're new to this story. Wild Road has tons of security so they are safe. Thank you for the kind review.
reply by barkingdog on 28-Oct-2018
    I thought they were alone, going out to get something to eat. Maybe you mentioned security in the previous chapter and I missed it.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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Hi Barbara,

Nice interlude here with the conversation between Jeff & Anderson, showing their relationship.

Jeff lifted shirt, revealing his gun. "I'm ready."
- maybe insert his before shirt.

It may be an idea to try to describe the accent a little to give a framework of reference for the reader. Just clipping the 'g's' could be a multitude of things.

overprotective could be a single word.

Jeff reeled in his pole - maybe use line instead of pole - it's hard to reel in a pole.

fine line in protecting and hoovering." - is hovering right here (as in vacuuming) or is it hovering?

You still would've joined if she told you couldn't, right - feels like a you may be missing here. It may need to be a double you before the end.

They traveled about three-fourths of the distance - maybe three quarters?

Watch out for signs of repetitiveness creeping in. here it's grinned-

studying the tree, Anderson grinned / "Fair enough." Jeff grinned and teased / Figures." He grinned. / No." Jeff grinned /

All the best
G

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 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    I made some stupid mistakes here. I have a habit of falling back into repeating some of my favorite phrases. Thank you for noticing. I have fixed everything. I truly appreciate the help.
Comment from judiverse
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Great chapter. Maybe Anderson has been overly protective of Shana, but as he says, she's not exactly equipped to deal with the Russian mafia. So true, Shana's father has always kept her protected. Anderson is really thinking things over, and Jeff is a great listener. It sounds as if the dogs must be in protective mode, if they have her cornered. It there someone on the security detail who's not to be trusted? More great suspense going. judi

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018


reply by the author on 28-Oct-2018
    Good twist with the security detail. I wish I'd have thought of it. LOL Thank you for the kind review.