Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 94 "Chapter Achtundzwanzig Part funf"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
21 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. I like how Shana and Anderson react to one another and found temporary solace watching Anderson try and put the bed together. Anderson's character can be very strict and goal driven, to be in control of a situation which was evident by not wanting to follow instructions. Well done.
Observation:
Anderson rushed in the front door(, .) (He) ( tossed) or maybe (tossing) his briefcase onto the couch. " Appears to be two independent sentences.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. I like how Shana and Anderson react to one another and found temporary solace watching Anderson try and put the bed together. Anderson's character can be very strict and goal driven, to be in control of a situation which was evident by not wanting to follow instructions. Well done.
Observation:
Anderson rushed in the front door(, .) (He) ( tossed) or maybe (tossing) his briefcase onto the couch. " Appears to be two independent sentences.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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I will check that area. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from apky
>"I need your phone number. I can't believe I don't have it."
After Shana gave him her number, she took out her phone. "And I need yours."<
Considering all that has gone on between Shana and Drew, then all the trouble he takes to make sure Shana is safe, the two of them exchanging phone numbers at this late stage doesn't work out. It isn't believable to the reader, it doens't ring true to Drew's character.
I think it may have depended into how much indebt(in debt) she was to those people.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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>"I need your phone number. I can't believe I don't have it."
After Shana gave him her number, she took out her phone. "And I need yours."<
Considering all that has gone on between Shana and Drew, then all the trouble he takes to make sure Shana is safe, the two of them exchanging phone numbers at this late stage doesn't work out. It isn't believable to the reader, it doens't ring true to Drew's character.
I think it may have depended into how much indebt(in debt) she was to those people.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Drew and Shana have been together every second so there was no reason to exchange phone numbers and it hasn't been two weeks yet. I will recheck it though. I will correct in debt too.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Nice little incidental details here with the bed parts add credence to the whole thing, rooting a reality. Anderson, I have to say, is starting to feel a little controlling to me...
He's still trying to trace where it came from - could just say trace it.
"Hand me that." Anderson pointed a bolt - to/at a bolt?
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Hi Barbara,
Nice little incidental details here with the bed parts add credence to the whole thing, rooting a reality. Anderson, I have to say, is starting to feel a little controlling to me...
He's still trying to trace where it came from - could just say trace it.
"Hand me that." Anderson pointed a bolt - to/at a bolt?
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Shana will put Drew in his place very shortly and even his mom steps in. I have made those changes. Thank you.
Comment from ciliverde
Nice job with Anderson's reaction to the incident with Patricia. Shana really is in danger and he wants to protect her. He loves her, but does she know of his feelings? All this will come out in time, I'm sure. I've mentioned this before, but I love the dogs' roles in your stories :))
Carol
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Nice job with Anderson's reaction to the incident with Patricia. Shana really is in danger and he wants to protect her. He loves her, but does she know of his feelings? All this will come out in time, I'm sure. I've mentioned this before, but I love the dogs' roles in your stories :))
Carol
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I couldn't wait to get the dogs back.
Comment from c_lucas
I was poor at putting things together. One Chrismas, I became frustrated trying to put a Doll House together and took a nap. My wife put it together before I woke up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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I was poor at putting things together. One Chrismas, I became frustrated trying to put a Doll House together and took a nap. My wife put it together before I woke up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure, Barbara
Comment from Sasha
Drew handled the unexpected attack on Shana by his wife better than I expected. I got a kick out of him not following the instructions for the bed. My ex-husband was the same. He could put things together much faster not using the complicated and too often confusing instructions. Nice work with this chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Drew handled the unexpected attack on Shana by his wife better than I expected. I got a kick out of him not following the instructions for the bed. My ex-husband was the same. He could put things together much faster not using the complicated and too often confusing instructions. Nice work with this chapter.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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None of my men folks follow the instructions. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
This is a wonderful chapter, and I'm going with a six. The details about putting the bed together and whether Drew can follow directions are interesting. It does go to characterization. It's sweet of Shana to be concerned about Patricia's daughter thinking Shana might have injured her mother. I think she'll understand, and it looks like Patricia will be fine. it seems Patricia's bank account has suddenly grown, so perhaps she was telling the truth about the Russians. Glad to see the dogs make their appearance again. Excellent developments. judi
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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This is a wonderful chapter, and I'm going with a six. The details about putting the bed together and whether Drew can follow directions are interesting. It does go to characterization. It's sweet of Shana to be concerned about Patricia's daughter thinking Shana might have injured her mother. I think she'll understand, and it looks like Patricia will be fine. it seems Patricia's bank account has suddenly grown, so perhaps she was telling the truth about the Russians. Glad to see the dogs make their appearance again. Excellent developments. judi
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. Yes, the dogs are back.
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You're welcome. Love the dogs. judi
Comment from Sankey
Another terrific chapter. I thought I saw a little spag in there, but on second reading all ok. You still have a lot of us on board I reckon. Can't wait for the next exciting chapter. I love Drew's compassion even in amongst all his authority. His family are all lovely too. Looking forward to Emily's return later.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Another terrific chapter. I thought I saw a little spag in there, but on second reading all ok. You still have a lot of us on board I reckon. Can't wait for the next exciting chapter. I love Drew's compassion even in amongst all his authority. His family are all lovely too. Looking forward to Emily's return later.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. We will hear from Emily shortly.
Comment from phil nelson
Excellent work here-don't be too critical of yourself--you have a flair for keeping it interesting and flowing-I would think a more vivid description of the character's surroundings might help to break up the dialogue for the reader to absorb more of the conversations--very enjoyable and I look forward to more!
all the Best!
Phil
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Excellent work here-don't be too critical of yourself--you have a flair for keeping it interesting and flowing-I would think a more vivid description of the character's surroundings might help to break up the dialogue for the reader to absorb more of the conversations--very enjoyable and I look forward to more!
all the Best!
Phil
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I like the way Drew goes about the instructions. I agree sometimes it's easier to do it your own way. I think Emily will be alright. It's a well written chapter.
He read and then grinned. "It'll be easy." He sat on the floor and began lifting parts and fitting them together. = He read and then laughed. ... You've just used 'grinned' earlier on. All the best. Ulla:)))
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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Hi Barbara, I like the way Drew goes about the instructions. I agree sometimes it's easier to do it your own way. I think Emily will be alright. It's a well written chapter.
He read and then grinned. "It'll be easy." He sat on the floor and began lifting parts and fitting them together. = He read and then laughed. ... You've just used 'grinned' earlier on. All the best. Ulla:)))
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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I will make that correction. Thank you.