Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 80 "Chapter Vierundzwanzig Part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
21 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter again. Getting more drama in there. You have a knack of putting us on alert at the end of most of these. Now some possible spags. has a major stubborn streak. I saw a hint of it at her parents(')."
If they d(id)[o], it'd cost them their lives."
This can't (be)good.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Good chapter again. Getting more drama in there. You have a knack of putting us on alert at the end of most of these. Now some possible spags. has a major stubborn streak. I saw a hint of it at her parents(')."
If they d(id)[o], it'd cost them their lives."
This can't (be)good.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I will check those areas.
Comment from Ben Colder
"Her best friend's husband told me that Shana has a major stubborn streak. How dare you.LOL I have never heard that one before. Stubborn streak but southern? I resemble that. LOL. Messing with you. Another good chapter Barb.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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"Her best friend's husband told me that Shana has a major stubborn streak. How dare you.LOL I have never heard that one before. Stubborn streak but southern? I resemble that. LOL. Messing with you. Another good chapter Barb.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I have been known to be a slight bit stubborn myself. LOL
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbra This story continues to carve interest for sure. Good use of imagery throughout as well as good use of dialogue, like here: "Anderson took Shana's hand. "It's time to meet my grandparents." He stopped and teased, "I should ask, are you up for this? Grandpa's an ornery old fart. Grandma..." he shook his head, "never mind. I've met yours, you'll understand."
Suggestions if I may: Change the following: ""Shana, after you finish eating, do you mind helping me in the kitchen? The men folks are going back to Wild Road and there's a lot to be done before dinner tonight." Susan stood."
Try: Susan stood. "Shana, after you finish eating, do you mind helping me in the kitchen? The men FOLK are going back to Wild Road and there's a lot to be done before dinner."
And here: ""She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interested in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped." Anderson released a deep breath. "Thank you for playing along."
To: "She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interested in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped," said Anderson. "Thank you for playing along."
Good job, Barbara. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbra This story continues to carve interest for sure. Good use of imagery throughout as well as good use of dialogue, like here: "Anderson took Shana's hand. "It's time to meet my grandparents." He stopped and teased, "I should ask, are you up for this? Grandpa's an ornery old fart. Grandma..." he shook his head, "never mind. I've met yours, you'll understand."
Suggestions if I may: Change the following: ""Shana, after you finish eating, do you mind helping me in the kitchen? The men folks are going back to Wild Road and there's a lot to be done before dinner tonight." Susan stood."
Try: Susan stood. "Shana, after you finish eating, do you mind helping me in the kitchen? The men FOLK are going back to Wild Road and there's a lot to be done before dinner."
And here: ""She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interested in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped." Anderson released a deep breath. "Thank you for playing along."
To: "She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interested in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped," said Anderson. "Thank you for playing along."
Good job, Barbara. Bob
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2018
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the catches.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
I like how you kept me so tense with all the action going on. In other words you with your very good writing made this chapter exciting
to read.
Gert
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Hello Barb
I like how you kept me so tense with all the action going on. In other words you with your very good writing made this chapter exciting
to read.
Gert
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from royowen
Well, progress is being made with security. With the alternative property to house Shana. And there's a fair bit of ribbing going on with Zachery accusing Jeff trying to "get off" with Anderson's girl, with some chagrin, Snana reacts. Shana sees Anderson talking with another man, and he looks hurt. Where to from here? Well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo I saw a hint of it (at) her parents. In? 2: "when did the electricity cut off(, when) the auxiliary generators cut in?" 3: She stopped and studied (the) scene 4:Philip : Anderson's Butler, close friend and (confident) confidante?
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Well, progress is being made with security. With the alternative property to house Shana. And there's a fair bit of ribbing going on with Zachery accusing Jeff trying to "get off" with Anderson's girl, with some chagrin, Snana reacts. Shana sees Anderson talking with another man, and he looks hurt. Where to from here? Well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo I saw a hint of it (at) her parents. In? 2: "when did the electricity cut off(, when) the auxiliary generators cut in?" 3: She stopped and studied (the) scene 4:Philip : Anderson's Butler, close friend and (confident) confidante?
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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I made those corrections. Thank you for the help.
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Most welcome Barbara.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, :)
I found one typo:
I wonder who's with Drew. He's holding something in his hand, but what? They're talking, but I can't make it out. It looks like Drew's hurt. This can't (be) good.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Hello, :)
I found one typo:
I wonder who's with Drew. He's holding something in his hand, but what? They're talking, but I can't make it out. It looks like Drew's hurt. This can't (be) good.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the help.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A very nice segment, Barbara. The banter in the face of tension is an excellent device. Makes the characters real. Found a couple of minor typos:
"She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interesting in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped." -interested
I saw a hint of it at her parents."-parents'." (house is understood)
Enjoyed it. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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A very nice segment, Barbara. The banter in the face of tension is an excellent device. Makes the characters real. Found a couple of minor typos:
"She hopes she'll convince him that she isn't interesting in the painting and the whole thing needs to be dropped." -interested
I saw a hint of it at her parents."-parents'." (house is understood)
Enjoyed it. :) Nancy
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the help. I have made the changes.
Comment from meeshu
the story is interested it has me captivated, Barbara. the dialogue in this segment is what carries it. so natural and so personable..........meeshu
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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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the story is interested it has me captivated, Barbara. the dialogue in this segment is what carries it. so natural and so personable..........meeshu
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
An interesting twist. I'm wondering about Drew's parents and grandparent's mode of protection. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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An interesting twist. I'm wondering about Drew's parents and grandparent's mode of protection. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My Pleasure, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from giraffmang
So the lads aren't too happy or optimistic over Shana's plans...
we can hot-wire the fence - hotwire can be a single word.
hugged her. "You're probably the only person. - need closing speech marks here.
"I'm trying too." Shana paused - just to.
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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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So the lads aren't too happy or optimistic over Shana's plans...
we can hot-wire the fence - hotwire can be a single word.
hugged her. "You're probably the only person. - need closing speech marks here.
"I'm trying too." Shana paused - just to.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2018
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I had hot-wire as a single word and FS editing said no, so I went to my dictionary and it had it hyphened so that's what I did. I bet with you sitting beside me I'd still mess up. Thank you for the catches. I do appreciate the help.