Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "Chapter Zweiundzwanzig part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
26 total reviews
Comment from Swampfox1
Very interesting. This story did not take long at all to get interested in, whatsoever. I find that good that it becomes so interesting so quick for being that far up in chapters. It stands alone. Reading about the troubles of the rich can sometimes be a pleasure in many diverse ways. I did not find any errors, it flows very well and it seems to read so quickly that it becomes short, which is good for the reader. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
  |
Very interesting. This story did not take long at all to get interested in, whatsoever. I find that good that it becomes so interesting so quick for being that far up in chapters. It stands alone. Reading about the troubles of the rich can sometimes be a pleasure in many diverse ways. I did not find any errors, it flows very well and it seems to read so quickly that it becomes short, which is good for the reader. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
-
you're welcome
Comment from apky
I liked how you did the family scene with the father boisterous and his wife the sensible and sensitive factor, orchestrating everything but in a subtle Southern belle manner.
Is yours too dirty or you'd forget where you parked it last night. ~ I think Anderson is too educated to speak ungrammatical English, so you can do this two ways:
1) Is yours too dirty or you'd forgetten where you parked it last night. OR
1) Is yours too dirty or you forgot where you parked it last night.
Anderson kneeling before Shana in a room with other family members does not ring true of his character - or any other character for that matter. Who would kneel before somebody else to ask this sort of question? Nobody, I think, so this rings false or "author's", not natural. Perhaps have Anderson merely lean over to her and whisper or ask her this in a low voice - that would work natural.
I'm dying to know how this carries own, because I'm sure it will give me the back story I missed at the beginning. Excellent chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
|
I liked how you did the family scene with the father boisterous and his wife the sensible and sensitive factor, orchestrating everything but in a subtle Southern belle manner.
Is yours too dirty or you'd forget where you parked it last night. ~ I think Anderson is too educated to speak ungrammatical English, so you can do this two ways:
1) Is yours too dirty or you'd forgetten where you parked it last night. OR
1) Is yours too dirty or you forgot where you parked it last night.
Anderson kneeling before Shana in a room with other family members does not ring true of his character - or any other character for that matter. Who would kneel before somebody else to ask this sort of question? Nobody, I think, so this rings false or "author's", not natural. Perhaps have Anderson merely lean over to her and whisper or ask her this in a low voice - that would work natural.
I'm dying to know how this carries own, because I'm sure it will give me the back story I missed at the beginning. Excellent chapter.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
-
I changed both of them. I didn't like the knelt when I wrote it, but was struggling getting it right. Thank you. I was making it harder than it should be.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara.
Excellent continuation. Really like how Anderson involved his family with Shana
problem.. The banter between brothers then with their parents was spot on. If one is not used to it, it can be a bit confusing. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
 |
Good morning, Barbara.
Excellent continuation. Really like how Anderson involved his family with Shana
problem.. The banter between brothers then with their parents was spot on. If one is not used to it, it can be a bit confusing. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
As a mother of four grown boys, the brother banter can be overwhelming. LOL Thank you.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter with no noted spags. I have missed so much of this, I don't really know what is happening, but it sounds like youare getting close to the end. Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
|
A very well written chapter with no noted spags. I have missed so much of this, I don't really know what is happening, but it sounds like youare getting close to the end. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Poor Shana, Anderson's family are a strong willed and boisterous lot. lol
or you'd forget where you - I think just you may work more fluidly here.
You boys, have gotten yourself - not sure you need the comma here.
"Drew, please tell us what happened," and then addressed Shana, "Feel free to add at any time." - either close off the first piece of dialogue or Fell should be feel as it's continuing dialogue without the previous being closed of.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
|
Poor Shana, Anderson's family are a strong willed and boisterous lot. lol
or you'd forget where you - I think just you may work more fluidly here.
You boys, have gotten yourself - not sure you need the comma here.
"Drew, please tell us what happened," and then addressed Shana, "Feel free to add at any time." - either close off the first piece of dialogue or Fell should be feel as it's continuing dialogue without the previous being closed of.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
-
I fixed both of them. I was concerned about that first comma. I wondered about it because, I could be taken and addressing the boys, but it does read better without it.
Comment from Zue65
Beautiful, I love this post, Shana meeting Drew's family, the getting to know stage that will finally seal the relationship of two different families from very different background. Thanks for sharing this story to the readers.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
|
Beautiful, I love this post, Shana meeting Drew's family, the getting to know stage that will finally seal the relationship of two different families from very different background. Thanks for sharing this story to the readers.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
I love how this is progressing. I am sure you have more twists and turns to come yet. Not only that there is NO SPAGS this round. Thanks again.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
|
I love how this is progressing. I am sure you have more twists and turns to come yet. Not only that there is NO SPAGS this round. Thanks again.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from essence56
No matter how long I am away from the table of reading and rating and ranking, I find you still to be a great writer. I find my interest just flowing to the top. Wonder where these two will go? Very good chapter. I loved it.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
|
No matter how long I am away from the table of reading and rating and ranking, I find you still to be a great writer. I find my interest just flowing to the top. Wonder where these two will go? Very good chapter. I loved it.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2018
-
Welcome back and thank you for the kind review.
Comment from meeshu
an excellent story, Barbara. right off the bat--Russians, oil rigs. as timely as today's headlines. the characters are interesting and I love how you hold that painting out as a McGuffin. not mentioned in this segment......meeshu
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
|
an excellent story, Barbara. right off the bat--Russians, oil rigs. as timely as today's headlines. the characters are interesting and I love how you hold that painting out as a McGuffin. not mentioned in this segment......meeshu
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Your plot is so easy to follow which is a plus as far as I am concerned. I ammtruly sorry I have missed so much of your writing. Much of my time was spent in the hospital, but I am well now and back with renewed vigor.
Just a couple of minor suggestions to this fine chapter if you don't mind, my friend:
"Is yours too dirty or you'd forget where you parked it last night." (change to read."Is yours too dirty? Did you forget where you parked it last night?")
Also: Anderson overheard Shana gulp. I hope Zachery got the hint and will keep his mouth shut. I doubt she's used to brother bantering. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. It's too late now." It is difficult to hear one gulp. I would change this paragraph like so:
It is difficult to hear one gulp and I would change this paragraph like so:
"Anderson released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. I hope Zachery got the hint and will keep his mouth shut, he thought. I doubt she's used to brother bantering. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. It's too late now."
Good job as usual frrom you. :) Bob
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
|
Hi, Barbara. Your plot is so easy to follow which is a plus as far as I am concerned. I ammtruly sorry I have missed so much of your writing. Much of my time was spent in the hospital, but I am well now and back with renewed vigor.
Just a couple of minor suggestions to this fine chapter if you don't mind, my friend:
"Is yours too dirty or you'd forget where you parked it last night." (change to read."Is yours too dirty? Did you forget where you parked it last night?")
Also: Anderson overheard Shana gulp. I hope Zachery got the hint and will keep his mouth shut. I doubt she's used to brother bantering. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. It's too late now." It is difficult to hear one gulp. I would change this paragraph like so:
It is difficult to hear one gulp and I would change this paragraph like so:
"Anderson released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. I hope Zachery got the hint and will keep his mouth shut, he thought. I doubt she's used to brother bantering. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He released a deep breath as they drove into the driveway. It's too late now."
Good job as usual frrom you. :) Bob
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
-
Thank you for the assistance. I will have to think about your first suggestion. I reread and not sure . I did make the second one.