Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Chapter Zwolf part eins"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
38 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I like the addition of Shakespeare... gives it a touch of reality. I wonder if Jane is gone. Was she kidnapped? Or did she just run off? Intriguing tale continues.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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I like the addition of Shakespeare... gives it a touch of reality. I wonder if Jane is gone. Was she kidnapped? Or did she just run off? Intriguing tale continues.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Shana reading King Lear will be an interesting point in this story. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice deepening of Shana's character here with the Shakespeare stuff. And displaying that of the others in response.
Her cheeks blushed - you could just say here 'She blushed'. I think the cheeks would be inferred.
Cordelia was his favorite? - wasn't sure if this was an intentional question or not.
Shana set the book down and looked into Jane's eyes. "Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave my heart into my mouth. I love your majesty according to my bond; no more no less." She paused. "Act 1, scene 1" - this quote made me laugh, simply because she's probably just read that bit... not a great burden of proof! lol
going to the daughter, who loved him the most - don't think you need the comma here.
the King of France liked her honestly and married her - should that be honesty rather than honestly?
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Nice deepening of Shana's character here with the Shakespeare stuff. And displaying that of the others in response.
Her cheeks blushed - you could just say here 'She blushed'. I think the cheeks would be inferred.
Cordelia was his favorite? - wasn't sure if this was an intentional question or not.
Shana set the book down and looked into Jane's eyes. "Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave my heart into my mouth. I love your majesty according to my bond; no more no less." She paused. "Act 1, scene 1" - this quote made me laugh, simply because she's probably just read that bit... not a great burden of proof! lol
going to the daughter, who loved him the most - don't think you need the comma here.
the King of France liked her honestly and married her - should that be honesty rather than honestly?
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Thank you for catches the mistakes. I have corrected them.
Comment from dweigt
Another well written post. I like the banter between the characters. The dialogue feels very natural.
I think I spotted one minor spag:
"If I remember the play correctly, the King of France liked her honestly and married her." Philip walked into the room. -- I think you mean like her honesty.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Another well written post. I like the banter between the characters. The dialogue feels very natural.
I think I spotted one minor spag:
"If I remember the play correctly, the King of France liked her honestly and married her." Philip walked into the room. -- I think you mean like her honesty.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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I have made that correction. Thank you.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, a good solid chapter and the dialogue was very authentic. I liked the reference to King Lear. Didn't see any nits, and looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Hi Barbara, a good solid chapter and the dialogue was very authentic. I liked the reference to King Lear. Didn't see any nits, and looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RebelRose
This morning I have a few extra things to take care (of). A good read, flowed along smoothly with well written dialogue. I only saw the one error unless you meant it to be that way.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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This morning I have a few extra things to take care (of). A good read, flowed along smoothly with well written dialogue. I only saw the one error unless you meant it to be that way.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the kind review and I took care of the problem.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I really enjoyed this chapter, Barbara - could see not typos.
I'm looking forward to reading more ---
Blessings,
Margaret
####################
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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I really enjoyed this chapter, Barbara - could see not typos.
I'm looking forward to reading more ---
Blessings,
Margaret
####################
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from smbau
Liked, "My ancestors went through so much to make sure I had freedom and not have to live under tyranny. " The story stills leaves the reader in suspense.
Optional suggestions:
"...with a [to-go]...", vs "...with a to go coffee..."
"Drew doesn't want you [answering] the door." vs "Drew doesn't want you to answer the door."
"Some, [well maybe], a few students..." vs "Some, well, maybe, a few students..."
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Liked, "My ancestors went through so much to make sure I had freedom and not have to live under tyranny. " The story stills leaves the reader in suspense.
Optional suggestions:
"...with a [to-go]...", vs "...with a to go coffee..."
"Drew doesn't want you [answering] the door." vs "Drew doesn't want you to answer the door."
"Some, [well maybe], a few students..." vs "Some, well, maybe, a few students..."
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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I will check those areas. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Wondering if there will be trouble while the dogs are gone. One possible line nit completed....Jeff says he has a few things"to take care 'of?'"
Great reading as usual, I feel like trouble is not far off.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Wondering if there will be trouble while the dogs are gone. One possible line nit completed....Jeff says he has a few things"to take care 'of?'"
Great reading as usual, I feel like trouble is not far off.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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I thought I fixed that area. I will look at it again. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= I enjoyed the chapter, and learning about King Lear.
= We are watching the new series about Shakespeare---'Will'.
= It's on TNT. Pretty good. First season, so he's just trying to get his start.
= Look forward to getting back to your story when I get back.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Hi, Barb
= I enjoyed the chapter, and learning about King Lear.
= We are watching the new series about Shakespeare---'Will'.
= It's on TNT. Pretty good. First season, so he's just trying to get his start.
= Look forward to getting back to your story when I get back.
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rheabug
This is an excellent addition to your story. I am so proud of you and your amazing works. It is really difficult to find things to change with your great presentations, because they are all perfect in my mind. Hugs...
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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This is an excellent addition to your story. I am so proud of you and your amazing works. It is really difficult to find things to change with your great presentations, because they are all perfect in my mind. Hugs...
Comment Written 25-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.