Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Chapter Sechs part vier"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
31 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Barbara
Your dialogue flow is excellent, so natural that one can picture himself as being part of the scene. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Good afternoon, Barbara
Your dialogue flow is excellent, so natural that one can picture himself as being part of the scene. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Dialogue flowed really well throughout
and was easy to follow. You've left us with Shana
wanting to be filled in with what's happening.
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge. - on the edge ??
Well-penned, Barbara.
Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Dialogue flowed really well throughout
and was easy to follow. You've left us with Shana
wanting to be filled in with what's happening.
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge. - on the edge ??
Well-penned, Barbara.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I have made the correction, silly me.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Anderson doesn't seem like the type who likes surprises or his staff making moves without his prior approval, but he appears to already have a major soft spot for Shana that will probably make him more agreeable. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Anderson doesn't seem like the type who likes surprises or his staff making moves without his prior approval, but he appears to already have a major soft spot for Shana that will probably make him more agreeable. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mbroyles2
Another excellent chapter as the gang appears to be close to getting some help and Shana and Anderson start to spark.
Enjoy the dialogue and chemistry.
It makes for an enjoyable read.
Michael
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Another excellent chapter as the gang appears to be close to getting some help and Shana and Anderson start to spark.
Enjoy the dialogue and chemistry.
It makes for an enjoyable read.
Michael
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Another interesting chapter, my friend. This is definitely an excellent template for use of dialogue. Practically the entire piece is dialogue, which is good but doesn't allow for the use of much imagery. Still well done.
Suggestions: In previous post notes: " Lavender. I can't do this." (I know we usually put thoughts in italics but in this case for more clarity, I would use the other method and simply stayed in regular type and added, "he thought"
And: "The city's night sky's gorgeous." (Nothing wrong with this but again, for more clarity, I would say "The city's night sky is gorgeous"
Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Hi, Barbara. Another interesting chapter, my friend. This is definitely an excellent template for use of dialogue. Practically the entire piece is dialogue, which is good but doesn't allow for the use of much imagery. Still well done.
Suggestions: In previous post notes: " Lavender. I can't do this." (I know we usually put thoughts in italics but in this case for more clarity, I would use the other method and simply stayed in regular type and added, "he thought"
And: "The city's night sky's gorgeous." (Nothing wrong with this but again, for more clarity, I would say "The city's night sky is gorgeous"
Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I agree with your changes, but I have been told, again by an editor to use the italics, not sure why, but I will stick to it. I will make the other change.
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Sorry, Barbara. Honestly for your own good, if your editor tells you I am wrong on this...I suggest you find a new editor. Google it and check for yourself. Blessings. Bob
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Shana stood at the patio's waist-high stone, edge and stared at the skyline. "It's amazing. So many different lights."
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge. "It is. Is this the first time you've seen it?"
"Sort of. It looks completely different when you're looking eye-level at the skyscrapers." Shana closed her eyes for a few moments. '
Such a perfectly beautiful write, imaginative and clever, well done kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Shana stood at the patio's waist-high stone, edge and stared at the skyline. "It's amazing. So many different lights."
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge. "It is. Is this the first time you've seen it?"
"Sort of. It looks completely different when you're looking eye-level at the skyscrapers." Shana closed her eyes for a few moments. '
Such a perfectly beautiful write, imaginative and clever, well done kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from apky
The story is complicated and I find myself having to work hard to piece stuff together. But this has nothing to do with your great writing skills - just your panoramic plotting! I mean to catch up.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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The story is complicated and I find myself having to work hard to piece stuff together. But this has nothing to do with your great writing skills - just your panoramic plotting! I mean to catch up.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Too short.
Axel, Thor, and Romeo sauntered in, followed by Jane. (Wow, they seem to finally be getting closer and the dogs interrupt?)
I feel little sexual tension building
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Too short.
Axel, Thor, and Romeo sauntered in, followed by Jane. (Wow, they seem to finally be getting closer and the dogs interrupt?)
I feel little sexual tension building
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. LOL
Comment from giraffmang
Nice quieter interlude here, revealing a little backstory on Shana in the process.
Shana flinched at his touch - flinched sort of suggests unwanted, is that what you're going for here?
opened the patio door. After Shana entered - I sort of felt this should be exited as she's going outside, but not sure.
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge - on the edge.
Nic. All the best
G
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Nice quieter interlude here, revealing a little backstory on Shana in the process.
Shana flinched at his touch - flinched sort of suggests unwanted, is that what you're going for here?
opened the patio door. After Shana entered - I sort of felt this should be exited as she's going outside, but not sure.
Anderson walked over and placed his hands in the edge - on the edge.
Nic. All the best
G
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Shana is totally unsure what she wants or expects. She extremely old fashioned due to her strict Jewish upbringing. Anderson isn't Jewish. I am hoping to make this point without outright saying it. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MelB
Andersen seems to be quite smitten with her and the dogs too. I like the interchange with the dogs and the brown eye color comment.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Andersen seems to be quite smitten with her and the dogs too. I like the interchange with the dogs and the brown eye color comment.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.