The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 14"America's First Female Comic
21 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Ok, Fanny is starting to get on my nerves. This reporter has a story to tell, and she needs to tell it without his having to pull it out of her. OR...is that my frustration? LOL!
Nevertheless, here are some meaningful things I liked:
(Speaking disjointedly as he rifles through pages of notes)
Well, yes I--but I'm trying to ummm --here, here it is ... you said you and Miss Juniper arrived in Brady by coach in eighteen-eighty-five. That would put Miss Juniper at ...
(Counting his fingertips as he touches them one-by-one)
twenty-five. Now, back in those ... those unenlightened times, if a female [wasn't] [weren't] married off and having children by, say, age sixteen, people would start--[I could actually visualize this.]
But even though 'female' is singular, when the word 'IF' proceeds, the verb is plural. Example: "If I [were] a rich man, dah do dah"...Ok, I'm being silly, but you get my meaning.
"Down the road, a piece" [was a phrase my grandfather used a lot. It always made me laugh. ]
"But you knowed," [was funny. I liked how you made a genuine realization that talking to someone that long could cause you to pick up their accent.] That was brilliant, Jay.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Ok, Fanny is starting to get on my nerves. This reporter has a story to tell, and she needs to tell it without his having to pull it out of her. OR...is that my frustration? LOL!
Nevertheless, here are some meaningful things I liked:
(Speaking disjointedly as he rifles through pages of notes)
Well, yes I--but I'm trying to ummm --here, here it is ... you said you and Miss Juniper arrived in Brady by coach in eighteen-eighty-five. That would put Miss Juniper at ...
(Counting his fingertips as he touches them one-by-one)
twenty-five. Now, back in those ... those unenlightened times, if a female [wasn't] [weren't] married off and having children by, say, age sixteen, people would start--[I could actually visualize this.]
But even though 'female' is singular, when the word 'IF' proceeds, the verb is plural. Example: "If I [were] a rich man, dah do dah"...Ok, I'm being silly, but you get my meaning.
"Down the road, a piece" [was a phrase my grandfather used a lot. It always made me laugh. ]
"But you knowed," [was funny. I liked how you made a genuine realization that talking to someone that long could cause you to pick up their accent.] That was brilliant, Jay.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Amahra for your frankness about Fanny. I'm feeling that every time I write her dialogue. Why is she being so evasive? Could she just be that lonely? But it's dangerous if she starts getting on everyone's nerves. They'll tune out the wisdom that somehow creeps into her dialect. I can't have that. The play is nearly over. I thought I could bring it to a close with one more scene, but I forgot how chatty I tend to be. It'll probably take two.
By the way, I think you were the only one who picked up on Robert's unconscious mimicry. Believe it or not, I find myself talking to my dog with Fanny's dialect, even days after writing it.
"... in those unenlightened times, if a female [wasn't] [weren't] married off and having children by, say, age sixteen ..." [ The subjunctive mood is tricky, to be sure, Amahra, and I'll have to look at that more closely. If I understand it correctly, "if" is merely a trigger word suggesting that probably the subjunctive mood follows. But not always: "If I were a rich man, dah-do-dah (Thanks, I'll be humming that the rest of the evening) only takes the subjunctive "were" because of the (in this case unspoken) contradictory clause that follows ... "but I'm not". At least that's how I understand it. I'll have to give it some more thought.
You are such a delight to read this play so carefully and lovingly. The 6 stars is a bonus. Thank you, my dear!
Jay
Comment from Terry Broxson
So who did the talking? Is it somebody we have not met yet? Maybe or maybe it is that fellow Jay Squires who hangs out in Bakersfield California and makes up stories. I heard he visited Brady one time. Stay tuned! Good Job, Terry.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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So who did the talking? Is it somebody we have not met yet? Maybe or maybe it is that fellow Jay Squires who hangs out in Bakersfield California and makes up stories. I heard he visited Brady one time. Stay tuned! Good Job, Terry.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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That Jay -- he is a talker, for sure! Thanks for reading, Terry.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another interesting scene, and I am enjoying the story line. You did an excellent job as always. I did not see any errors. Have a great Sunday afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Another interesting scene, and I am enjoying the story line. You did an excellent job as always. I did not see any errors. Have a great Sunday afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Many thanks, Shirley. I'm thrilled you continue to enjoy this play. The ending cries out and I'm working my butt off trying to get there.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You left a great hook. I'm wanting to know who that somebody was. Another great job of writing.
REPORTER:
They were the best back then. I heard President Lincoln used them.
FANNY:
(Showing signs of impatience)
You knows 'bout the Pinkertons an' I knows 'bout the Pinkertons. 'Spectin' I best go on? (space needed before Fanny speaks.)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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You left a great hook. I'm wanting to know who that somebody was. Another great job of writing.
REPORTER:
They were the best back then. I heard President Lincoln used them.
FANNY:
(Showing signs of impatience)
You knows 'bout the Pinkertons an' I knows 'bout the Pinkertons. 'Spectin' I best go on? (space needed before Fanny speaks.)
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you for catching that spacing error. I have now fixed it. Your six is aways a welcomed delight!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, this is so devilishly well written and I hung on to every word to ensure I read it correctly. Now we're inching closer to what really happened and I can't wait.
The Fisherman will be back next Sunday. Claire's body was found on Wednesday. I wrote a small piece about it. We all feel better that this ordeal has come to an end. All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Hi Jay, this is so devilishly well written and I hung on to every word to ensure I read it correctly. Now we're inching closer to what really happened and I can't wait.
The Fisherman will be back next Sunday. Claire's body was found on Wednesday. I wrote a small piece about it. We all feel better that this ordeal has come to an end. All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Ulla, I'm so sorry about Claire's death. I trust it wasn't the result of foul play. I didn't see the piece you wrote. I shall look for it. Thank you for the six stars.
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She was found late on Wednesday last week. It's such a relief for all of us to that it's finally over. It was a dramatic time. Not something I wish on anyone. I'm now looking forward to get back to the Fisherman. Ulla:)))
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I find it's hard to read the dialogue part by Fanny in southern accent so it must be even harder to write them. They are still trying to peel the onion to find out what happened back in 1885 when Thurney got killed and Juniper was put in jail.
Well done but it needs to move a little faster, I think.
Glad you are back and I was out traveling for 5 weeks.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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I find it's hard to read the dialogue part by Fanny in southern accent so it must be even harder to write them. They are still trying to peel the onion to find out what happened back in 1885 when Thurney got killed and Juniper was put in jail.
Well done but it needs to move a little faster, I think.
Glad you are back and I was out traveling for 5 weeks.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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You stinker ... all that travel! I'm afraid the play is a little bit more than slow moving. It's creaking toward an ending. By the time we get there, everyone will feel as old as Fanny.
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So sorry. Yes. I'm a little out of it.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Never a reader of scripts, I have to say that your character expertise and dialog-built personalities have won me over in your last couple of screen plays. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Never a reader of scripts, I have to say that your character expertise and dialog-built personalities have won me over in your last couple of screen plays. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Muchas gracias, Ric. For your kind words and the sixer. When I finish this, it will be my last play for a while.
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Get me hooked and then turn off the music. LOL.
Comment from BethShelby
The reporter's time is getting near to when he has to leave. He just needs to know that final bit of who told Juni all about what happened and set her on the road to kill Thurston Flourney. I'm enjoying this story so much I had to see it end.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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The reporter's time is getting near to when he has to leave. He just needs to know that final bit of who told Juni all about what happened and set her on the road to kill Thurston Flourney. I'm enjoying this story so much I had to see it end.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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You are a delight, hating to see it end. Not all feel that way. I so appreciate your six lovely stars, Beth.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Oh, damn you, Jay! Lol. That was my out-loud reaction to Fanny's last sentence! Now, my mind is whirling around previous scenes as to who it possibly could've been that told Juni about Lizabeth's plans. Alright, I'm going for my second cup of coffee and ponder this HANGER! My investment in this story is becoming mentally expensive, but worth every brain cell.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Oh, damn you, Jay! Lol. That was my out-loud reaction to Fanny's last sentence! Now, my mind is whirling around previous scenes as to who it possibly could've been that told Juni about Lizabeth's plans. Alright, I'm going for my second cup of coffee and ponder this HANGER! My investment in this story is becoming mentally expensive, but worth every brain cell.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Ah, John, you make my day a little brighter. Thank you. I hope your investment pays of in the end.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Fanny told her! Of course she did. It's a shame Juni didn't get the life that Elizabeth had all planed out for her. I can't wait to see what happend to Thurston Flourney, I know he was murdered, but I'm still not sure whether it was Fanny or Juni whodunnit! Lol. Another excellent chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra. xxx
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Fanny told her! Of course she did. It's a shame Juni didn't get the life that Elizabeth had all planed out for her. I can't wait to see what happend to Thurston Flourney, I know he was murdered, but I'm still not sure whether it was Fanny or Juni whodunnit! Lol. Another excellent chapter, my friend. :)) Sandra. xxx
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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HAHAHA, don't think so far ahead! You're reading it like a sleuth. Thank you, Sandra, for your evidence of paying attention and your lovely six stars!