The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 13"America's First Female Comic
32 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another great chapter to read. I want to find out what happened at the end of the story. Patience is not a virtue of mine when it comes to stories. You did a wonderful job. Shirley
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Another great chapter to read. I want to find out what happened at the end of the story. Patience is not a virtue of mine when it comes to stories. You did a wonderful job. Shirley
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Shirley. You hit upon something, though with your patience in reading it. If I were to do a total revise on Fanny's play, I would definitely tighten it up. It sags a bit in the middle. Thank you for your kindness, Shirley.
Comment from royowen
I like the new twists and turns that this script throws up makes you somewhat of a genius Jay. It's funny the fact that no mother would involve her child, and Negroes wouldn't have much, favour, we don't quite understand that level of prejudice here. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I like the new twists and turns that this script throws up makes you somewhat of a genius Jay. It's funny the fact that no mother would involve her child, and Negroes wouldn't have much, favour, we don't quite understand that level of prejudice here. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much, Roy. Yes, American racial discrimination was, and is, horrible.
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I?m sorry
Comment from LJbutterfly
It's almost four o'clock, Jay. We're running out of time. Each scene produces, not an ending, but a new twist. That's what keeps this story interesting. Missus Albright decided not to have someone kill Thurston Flourney because of concern for the effects on her daughter's life, but possibly groomed her daughter to kill, without any concern for the effects on her daughter's life. Btw, I finally have a good handle on the dialect. See you next time.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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It's almost four o'clock, Jay. We're running out of time. Each scene produces, not an ending, but a new twist. That's what keeps this story interesting. Missus Albright decided not to have someone kill Thurston Flourney because of concern for the effects on her daughter's life, but possibly groomed her daughter to kill, without any concern for the effects on her daughter's life. Btw, I finally have a good handle on the dialect. See you next time.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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OMG, how I wish I had made his departure time to be 5 PM. It's now become a ticking clock ... and the time is really immaterial. Thank you, Lorraine for hanging in there and for your six lovely stars!
Jay
Comment from Loren .
Hmmm, do I see a bit of Lady Havisham from Great Expectations in Fanny? I would be amiss if I didn't applaud your knowledge of the Pinkerton detectives back in the day. Adds great authenticity to the play's time and characters' knowledge of the outside world. And, of course there is the dialect. As hard as it was to understand at times it was a challenge and a delight to read. Loren
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Hmmm, do I see a bit of Lady Havisham from Great Expectations in Fanny? I would be amiss if I didn't applaud your knowledge of the Pinkerton detectives back in the day. Adds great authenticity to the play's time and characters' knowledge of the outside world. And, of course there is the dialect. As hard as it was to understand at times it was a challenge and a delight to read. Loren
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Loren, you are so kind to read this and to find its essential goodness through the dross. Fact is, this play is desperately seeking closure. It needs to go to bed! Thank you for the six!
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LOL, I completely understand.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Whew, what a tuff one to review. Reads easily but with the "southern dialect" spelled out, not matching any spell checker I have, I had to put the old eyeballs to work.
Just a couple of minor suggestions:
Previous Scene, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (church)
SETTING, 5th sentence: Add (of) between (kind) and (stew)
Second HERBIE Para: Remove one space before (Brings)
I THINK (chamberpot) should be (chamber pot)
Last Para: SHOULD (instead?) be (instead.)
I notice you used no quote marks throughout the paper. Was that intentional? The words were quotes of those people, right? This had to be difficult to write what with the "new" dialect and all. But you did a good job.
OK, so we are left without an answer. Next episode I presume. I get to reading the "southern dialect" parts and it takes me back to my one year in Florida where the old timers spoke just like you wrote. Believe it or not, that one year helped me read this article.
Interesting story. Six-stars for nothing else if not the dialect interpretation and presentation. But the story earned it as well and the fact that there were near zero observations that I could detect.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Whew, what a tuff one to review. Reads easily but with the "southern dialect" spelled out, not matching any spell checker I have, I had to put the old eyeballs to work.
Just a couple of minor suggestions:
Previous Scene, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (church)
SETTING, 5th sentence: Add (of) between (kind) and (stew)
Second HERBIE Para: Remove one space before (Brings)
I THINK (chamberpot) should be (chamber pot)
Last Para: SHOULD (instead?) be (instead.)
I notice you used no quote marks throughout the paper. Was that intentional? The words were quotes of those people, right? This had to be difficult to write what with the "new" dialect and all. But you did a good job.
OK, so we are left without an answer. Next episode I presume. I get to reading the "southern dialect" parts and it takes me back to my one year in Florida where the old timers spoke just like you wrote. Believe it or not, that one year helped me read this article.
Interesting story. Six-stars for nothing else if not the dialect interpretation and presentation. But the story earned it as well and the fact that there were near zero observations that I could detect.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Gary, you were so kind to read this with such an eagle eye to rhythm, particularly through the use or misuse of commas. Believe it or not, I anguish over the placement of punctuation. So I take your observations quite seriously. I'm pasting your review onto Word so I can use it to guide me after I put the play to bed. It's time. I value your recommendations and the six lovely stars. Thank you, Gary. I hope to see you back next time.
Comment from amahra
Fanny lived a very complex life and you show that in your narration and dialogue. Now, at the end of this chapter. Wow, so she really groomed her daughter for the murder plot. Hum...
Another good one, Jay.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Fanny lived a very complex life and you show that in your narration and dialogue. Now, at the end of this chapter. Wow, so she really groomed her daughter for the murder plot. Hum...
Another good one, Jay.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Amahra. Don't be so sure about the Reporter's conclusions. I believe he feels a strong need to agitate Fanny into opening up.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm glad you left this posting until I returned, Jay. I might have missed it! I was thinking this story was done and I was missing reading it. As usual, this is a very intriguing chapter that draws us right into the scene and leaves us craving for more. Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I'm glad you left this posting until I returned, Jay. I might have missed it! I was thinking this story was done and I was missing reading it. As usual, this is a very intriguing chapter that draws us right into the scene and leaves us craving for more. Well done!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Judy. No, my posting speed has been been declining because of lack of funny money which was in turn reduced by lack of reviewing (earning $$) ... which has then been slowed down because of my lack of energy. Covid's fault. So there may be another week's gap before the next (I hope penultimate) scene. I'm so tired. I find myself talking in dialect to my dog.
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Oh, no, not you too, Jay! You're most welcome for the review. I'll be patient, waiting for the next scene. Take care of yourself. :)
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Oh, I'm pretty well back to the land of the living. One more day (and a gallon of Sunny D) and I'll be good to go.
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Great to hear!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for starting this up again. I've missed it the past few weeks. I can't wait for this answer to that last question. This is a really good play.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you for starting this up again. I've missed it the past few weeks. I can't wait for this answer to that last question. This is a really good play.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I'm so pleased you are enjoying the play. Yeah, several reviewers have assumed the Reporter's conclusion represented the actual facts. Your kindness and six stars mean so much to me, Barbara.
Comment from Annmuma
I --we -- have been waiting for this next scene -- worried about Fannie and what's going on. lol
(Flushing, eyes blinking rapidly)
Well ... sure I did! Yep, y'all surely made a han'some couple. -- Maybe I made too much of this note, but I'm wondering if Fannie's memory is beginning to fail her?
As always, Jay, a great piece of writing and I'm ready for the next scene. ann
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I --we -- have been waiting for this next scene -- worried about Fannie and what's going on. lol
(Flushing, eyes blinking rapidly)
Well ... sure I did! Yep, y'all surely made a han'some couple. -- Maybe I made too much of this note, but I'm wondering if Fannie's memory is beginning to fail her?
As always, Jay, a great piece of writing and I'm ready for the next scene. ann
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I'm so happy you took pause with Fanny's blink. Just a little devise I used (to what end, I don't know). Suppose I'm just keeping it real. Your interest, and Terry's mean so much to me. Ann, thanks for the six star. Just having you read me is a seven!
Jay
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm so glad you have brought Fanny back again, I missed her. You've left it at a very exciting part, I think everyone will be hanging on for the answer to that question. But really, I'd be very surprised if Juni's mother did groom her to murder. I really enjoyed reading this part, and am already looking for the next one. DON'T you dare keep us waiting!!!!!!! Love and hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I'm so glad you have brought Fanny back again, I missed her. You've left it at a very exciting part, I think everyone will be hanging on for the answer to that question. But really, I'd be very surprised if Juni's mother did groom her to murder. I really enjoyed reading this part, and am already looking for the next one. DON'T you dare keep us waiting!!!!!!! Love and hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Ohhhh, thank you, Sandra. I was afraid the couple of weeks' lapse was too much, but it's good to know that people did miss it. Yes, the reporter's question left a lot of readers scratching their heads wondering if Mrs. Albright would really start grooming her daughter.