The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Brady City, Texas, 1929"America's First Female Comic
36 total reviews
Comment from amahra
I'm a lazy reader of scripts, Jay. Blame my years of novel reading. I love your scripts but just have to get used to all the stage direction stuff. The first scene is very entertaining and the characters are a hoot. And I like the character's names.
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I'm a lazy reader of scripts, Jay. Blame my years of novel reading. I love your scripts but just have to get used to all the stage direction stuff. The first scene is very entertaining and the characters are a hoot. And I like the character's names.
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Well, the stage directions come with the territory. Can't get along without them, but most readers seem to think they add, rather than detract, from the plot. I'm stoked that you liked the characters. They seem to play off each other.
Comment from bob cullen
Been away for too long. This is so good and Fanny's final one-liner ensures I'll read the next instalment. It's sharp and intriguing. Who is this Flourney character. I need to know more.
Hope 2022 is a great year for you.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Been away for too long. This is so good and Fanny's final one-liner ensures I'll read the next instalment. It's sharp and intriguing. Who is this Flourney character. I need to know more.
Hope 2022 is a great year for you.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Ahhhhh, Bob. So good to have you aboard and saying you'll be aboard for the long haul. It won't be ALL that long. Probably 5 scenes. Flourney will have his 15 minutes of fame next scene. THanks for the six stars, Bob! You rock!
Comment from royowen
I love the "Barnwarmer" that is an original indeed, I guess we'll find out about Miss Juniper and Thurston Flourney (another great name) in the subsequent episodes. You're a good script writer, it's quite hard following the flow with so many directorial instructions Jay, brilliantly written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I love the "Barnwarmer" that is an original indeed, I guess we'll find out about Miss Juniper and Thurston Flourney (another great name) in the subsequent episodes. You're a good script writer, it's quite hard following the flow with so many directorial instructions Jay, brilliantly written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Roy. I realize the Stage directions are ample. Some direction is absolutely necessary for the play, but when it's a play never intended to be performed, I get a tad more expansive on my directorial instructions. I ALWAYS appreciate your being here, Roy.
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Well done, you?re a genius Jay.
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Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. We're both kinda clever.
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Don?t know about me?
Comment from lyenochka
Hi Jay, got unburied from my weekend Inbox and got to this post. I have to admit the conversation was confusing with Juniper reading something addressed to her. It seems you have a like a musical round going with Juniper singing one song while Fanny and the reporter doing a duet. If it were to harmonize, I missed it.
What year is does this take place? 2022?
I guess the next scene we'll get more as to why Juniper planned to kill Thurston.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
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Hi Jay, got unburied from my weekend Inbox and got to this post. I have to admit the conversation was confusing with Juniper reading something addressed to her. It seems you have a like a musical round going with Juniper singing one song while Fanny and the reporter doing a duet. If it were to harmonize, I missed it.
What year is does this take place? 2022?
I guess the next scene we'll get more as to why Juniper planned to kill Thurston.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
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You are not the first to ask the time frame. It's given just before the play proper begins, but I decided, for the time being to put it in the title. Otherwise, you might think the reporter is using his electronic tablet device (which led to another person's confusion). Juniper's role on stage is a conundrum. To me as well. I trust she will make her true presence known before too long. Bless you, my dear, for reading this and for your always honest perceptions.
Jay
Comment from RGstar
Yes! Once again, brilliant writing, in terms of the lead character. From curtain up to sundown, delivered with absolute creativity of mind. From the dialogue to the personality, to the fine points that cause a character to stand out...etc, dialect, mannerisms.You have a fine character Jay. Resolute and almost awaited, judging by time and era.
A little long? Naw....I thought so in the beginning, but having looked back, I think the reason being...the technical details. I think should have less of, as it interferes much with the flow. I do not mean the actions and movement of the characters through dialogue, they were excellent and brief. I mean about stage , upstage, downstage etc. Yes, admittedly only really at the beginning, but was worried you would continue with it throughout, thankfully you didn't. They are just technical aspects that would never stick in the readers mind at the said time.
I believe this one will be fun to read. Original, it is...and good to see.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Yes! Once again, brilliant writing, in terms of the lead character. From curtain up to sundown, delivered with absolute creativity of mind. From the dialogue to the personality, to the fine points that cause a character to stand out...etc, dialect, mannerisms.You have a fine character Jay. Resolute and almost awaited, judging by time and era.
A little long? Naw....I thought so in the beginning, but having looked back, I think the reason being...the technical details. I think should have less of, as it interferes much with the flow. I do not mean the actions and movement of the characters through dialogue, they were excellent and brief. I mean about stage , upstage, downstage etc. Yes, admittedly only really at the beginning, but was worried you would continue with it throughout, thankfully you didn't. They are just technical aspects that would never stick in the readers mind at the said time.
I believe this one will be fun to read. Original, it is...and good to see.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I am humbled, RG. You read with such depth and intensity for which I'm appreciative. About the stage directions, I am more liberal with them since I have no intention of having this performed. They are for the reader's experience and if they DO interfere, then it's my bad! I try to lean toward (without telling) what the characters are feeling, and sometimes a parenthetical comment functions the same as a stanza break in poetry or a paragraph in prose. It helps the reader take a breath at the proper moment.
Anyway, thanks, my dear friend. I so appreciate your six stars, but please don't feel you have to. I know when I read your poems, I am reading brilliance, but often my sixes are depleted by Sunday night.
You are always a highlight of my day, whether contributing your brilliance in a poem or in a review. You mean so much to me!
Jay
Comment from Begin Again
You are definitely an outstanding entertainer with your scripts and lively characters. I was almost waiting for Fanny to spit a wad of chewing tobacco across the porch or do some other shenanigans. Excellent, Jay! Pure entertainment!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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You are definitely an outstanding entertainer with your scripts and lively characters. I was almost waiting for Fanny to spit a wad of chewing tobacco across the porch or do some other shenanigans. Excellent, Jay! Pure entertainment!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Hahaha! A wad o' chewin' 'backy! There's a thought for you. I'm so pleased you are enjoying this scene. Your six stars make this old man smile!
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iT WAS MY PLEASURE!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
really good stuff here...
Barnwarmer... lol This tickled me, but then I know folk with greart names. I had an english teacher in school called Mrs McCracken and her husdand was called Phillip (Phil My crack in)!
And of course fanny over here is a slang term for a ladies naughty bits...
Juniper had her shot of whiskey alongside a glass of water. / be always empty now, but with a whisky and water glass aside it- very minor point here but two different spelling of whiskey/whisky. (goes back to Whiskey later)
The act from the paper is a good thing. I saw a British comedian about 20 years ago called 'Bob Mills' whose first half of the act was his 'set' and the other half of the show came straight out of that week's paper. Ingenious.
It's funny, I was asking the same questions the reported was at the same time! lol That's great writing.
G
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Hi Jay,
really good stuff here...
Barnwarmer... lol This tickled me, but then I know folk with greart names. I had an english teacher in school called Mrs McCracken and her husdand was called Phillip (Phil My crack in)!
And of course fanny over here is a slang term for a ladies naughty bits...
Juniper had her shot of whiskey alongside a glass of water. / be always empty now, but with a whisky and water glass aside it- very minor point here but two different spelling of whiskey/whisky. (goes back to Whiskey later)
The act from the paper is a good thing. I saw a British comedian about 20 years ago called 'Bob Mills' whose first half of the act was his 'set' and the other half of the show came straight out of that week's paper. Ingenious.
It's funny, I was asking the same questions the reported was at the same time! lol That's great writing.
G
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Ohhhhhhahahahaa! Phil McCraken! Did you ever let her know she should immediately change her name or get a divorce or revert to her maiden name. Yes, I knew that Fanny had it's continental connections. Here in America it has the shadowed meaning of "buttocks".
I corrected "whisky" to "whiskey". (I think that's what I did. Now I'll have to recheck it.)
Please, Gareth, don't feel the need to reward my post with a six, though I appreciate the honor, but I just am thrilled to have you read something of mine. Save your sixes. Reward me with kindness and suggestions for improvement, as you've done here. (My sixes are gone before the weekend's through).
Your most revered praise was telling me that you were asking yourself the same questions as the reporter was. That validates what I'm trying to do. He's partly there to direct the movement of the plot, but if he becomes too blatant in his direction, then I've failed. I want the reader to hear the Reporter and say, "Yes, I was just thinking that!"
Bless you, man! Jay.
Comment from Thatguypk
This is a thoroughly entertaining first scene, introducing the central characters and giving background details. I'm now looking forward to reading more. Very well done.
PK
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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This is a thoroughly entertaining first scene, introducing the central characters and giving background details. I'm now looking forward to reading more. Very well done.
PK
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Many thanks, PK! I'm glad you found it worthy entertainment. I'm stoked to have you aboard.
Comment from nomi338
Well. That came as a surprise. This enticing story just taught a short but lasting lesson about paying attention to details. There is much to digest for one who pays attention to the details of this story as it unfolds. This is a beneficial lesson for anyone who reads on a regular basis.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Well. That came as a surprise. This enticing story just taught a short but lasting lesson about paying attention to details. There is much to digest for one who pays attention to the details of this story as it unfolds. This is a beneficial lesson for anyone who reads on a regular basis.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Good to have you with me on this, Nolan. I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by the details, though, unless you were speaking of Fanny chiding the young reporter.
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What I meant was there were things that she said that should have warned him to listen carefully to what she was saying as, the end may not be what he expected. Nor was it what I expected.
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Well, hang in there, my friend. More expectations to be shattered next time.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very good. You have the right tone and speech for Fanny, and the right confusion for the Reporter as she does ramble a bit. Might have him stand up for some reason just to get a little more activity. Why are Juniper's surroundings so grim? It sounds like a prison cell. Or is that part of the plot, she's not dead, she's in prison?
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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This is very good. You have the right tone and speech for Fanny, and the right confusion for the Reporter as she does ramble a bit. Might have him stand up for some reason just to get a little more activity. Why are Juniper's surroundings so grim? It sounds like a prison cell. Or is that part of the plot, she's not dead, she's in prison?
Comment Written 13-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Carol. It's good to have you along for this play. Surely, though you don't want me to tell you about Juniper yet, do you?