Eavesdroppers Are We All
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Eavesdroppers Are We All, Sc. 2 "A Reader Caught in the Middle of an Intrigue
29 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
This is an interesting scenario with Cililla being a kind of muse for Gregory, except she's telling him how to do his job. Meanwhile, Gregory (aptly named as it means "watchful" even if he's not that watchful right now) is struggling with focus and not observing enough. At the same time you're showing us a story that we are seeing and will see more with Jackson's story. I like his hospitality (is the "mighty white" mean "mighty nice" ?)
Minor Comment:
Like in your individual cars instead of a shuttle. to get a bite to eat (period not needed as it seems to be one sentence)
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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This is an interesting scenario with Cililla being a kind of muse for Gregory, except she's telling him how to do his job. Meanwhile, Gregory (aptly named as it means "watchful" even if he's not that watchful right now) is struggling with focus and not observing enough. At the same time you're showing us a story that we are seeing and will see more with Jackson's story. I like his hospitality (is the "mighty white" mean "mighty nice" ?)
Minor Comment:
Like in your individual cars instead of a shuttle. to get a bite to eat (period not needed as it seems to be one sentence)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Oh, my, I thought the use of "mighty white" was in the next scene, and I've been preparing for negative comments about it. It is a racist term, but when used in the 60s and before, it was used so often it lost its edge (to whites, not, I'm sure to blacks). In this script I kept going from mighty nice to mighty white, then back again. I finally settled on "white" because it was representative of the times.
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Thanks for explaining that, Jay!
Comment from tfawcus
I feel as though I'm at a fireworks display, watching someone light all the fuses. Standby! I think we're in for quite a performance. Small sparks of characterisation as this motley crew size each other up, give one the impression of a conflagration about to occur.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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I feel as though I'm at a fireworks display, watching someone light all the fuses. Standby! I think we're in for quite a performance. Small sparks of characterisation as this motley crew size each other up, give one the impression of a conflagration about to occur.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Tony! I hope it lives up to the hype. But I'll settle on it being entertaining and character revealing. Glad to have you aboard.
Comment from Spitfire
Is the purpose of the smelly dog a metaphor for some of the stinky stuff that passes for poetry on FS? LOL
Funny stuff with the jukebox. (I'll bet some diners still have them.) A Tom drives the shuttle. Is that Tom Ens??
Jackson invites everyone to share their names, etc.
(Several years ago, one of FanStory's members suggested a plan for those who could to meet in NYC for a party)
Okay, so I's trying to make sense of this. Waiting for all those characters to join the diner.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Is the purpose of the smelly dog a metaphor for some of the stinky stuff that passes for poetry on FS? LOL
Funny stuff with the jukebox. (I'll bet some diners still have them.) A Tom drives the shuttle. Is that Tom Ens??
Jackson invites everyone to share their names, etc.
(Several years ago, one of FanStory's members suggested a plan for those who could to meet in NYC for a party)
Okay, so I's trying to make sense of this. Waiting for all those characters to join the diner.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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I love your struggles, Shari. First of all, someone mentioned Tom Ens in her review (Ulla) and I told her I hadn't even made that connection. I remember that suggestion about Fanstorians getting together. I'd still be up for it, but not on the east coast, and probably not until this Covid thing is a foot note in our history. Don't try to make too much of the play. No, the smelly dog, Rudy, refers to a short story I wrote here about a year ago. Not that it was stinky, but that Rudy was.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting scene 2 with a lot of movement and action, which makes it a little harder for actors to get in their lines, but it is doable. You have one line that doesn't set right with me as I have a rainbow family. "That's mighty white of you." Unless I missed something in the stage directions that make this a deliberate insult of Mr. Jackson.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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This is an interesting scene 2 with a lot of movement and action, which makes it a little harder for actors to get in their lines, but it is doable. You have one line that doesn't set right with me as I have a rainbow family. "That's mighty white of you." Unless I missed something in the stage directions that make this a deliberate insult of Mr. Jackson.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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No, Carol, it wasn't supposed to be an insult. Actually quite the opposite. You may remember, if you are from the 50s or 60s that the phrase, "mighty white of you" was originally a racial slur, but it became so commonplace in its usage that it lost it's racial edge (to whites, definitely not blacks). It's unfortunate, but it is also part of the stamp of the times and did fit in with Mr. Piebald's abrasive character.
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You're right about his character.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Stuck in a snowstorm--clever device--let the fun begin. Amusing bit about giving the kid the obnoxious record to piss off the pissy dad. Sly reference to "Gregory" as a writer here --someone I know, perhaps?!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Stuck in a snowstorm--clever device--let the fun begin. Amusing bit about giving the kid the obnoxious record to piss off the pissy dad. Sly reference to "Gregory" as a writer here --someone I know, perhaps?!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Yes, as a matter of fact, I notified him that he should read that script and that the character was intentional. I have a lot of respect for his writing, but moreover, his creative pliability. I think we'll hear of him in a bigger venue later.
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He's brilliant--on a par with you.
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Awwww. Go on ...
Comment from Artasylum
...and scene... this has a great exploration of the characters. I feel like I know them quickly. Incompletely identify with a writing in a restaurant... hit home.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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...and scene... this has a great exploration of the characters. I feel like I know them quickly. Incompletely identify with a writing in a restaurant... hit home.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you Artasylum, for taking a chance with this script. I hope it interested you enough to take a gander at the rest of them.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is fun. Many people got stuck in a diner: Eat and Leave Happy diner by a snow storm. It almost happened to us when we tried to drive back from a resort in the Northern Minnesota. I would be happily stuck there. But we are going to Florida soon.
Looking forward to more scenes. Are you Jay III? But he will be much older than you today.
Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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This is fun. Many people got stuck in a diner: Eat and Leave Happy diner by a snow storm. It almost happened to us when we tried to drive back from a resort in the Northern Minnesota. I would be happily stuck there. But we are going to Florida soon.
Looking forward to more scenes. Are you Jay III? But he will be much older than you today.
Well done.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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No, I'm not Jay III. He was the main character in my play, "Sins of the Grandfather" I don't think anyone's older than I today. Thanks for hanging in there, Lisa. Have a great trip to Florida!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like your work. You always present a good post and this is not different. I can't wait to see how this plays out.
Like in your individual cars instead of a shuttle. to get a bite to eat before going on. (not sue why the period is after 'shuttle')
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I really like your work. You always present a good post and this is not different. I can't wait to see how this plays out.
Like in your individual cars instead of a shuttle. to get a bite to eat before going on. (not sue why the period is after 'shuttle')
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I'll check out the errant period. I think it's less that (If you pasted the sentence) than the fact that I didn't capitalize the "T" in "To" of the sentence fragment. I use a lot of sentence fragments in my dialogue to give it a sense of flow. Barbara, thank you so much for the 6 stars.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another well-written and interesting scene, Jay. The characters are gradually being rounded out, and the dialogue carries the story along. Well done.
Just a little typo: "[JACKSON' S sentence stomp(s) on GREGORY'S closing words,..."
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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This is another well-written and interesting scene, Jay. The characters are gradually being rounded out, and the dialogue carries the story along. Well done.
Just a little typo: "[JACKSON' S sentence stomp(s) on GREGORY'S closing words,..."
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Fixed it, Eagle-eyes! LOL, thanks for your help. I don't make too many editorial mistakes, but I've been frantically trying to stay one scene ahead of the posted one, so you might say I've posted a bit hastily. I do appreciate you, Judy!
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You?re most welcome, Jay. I know you seldom make mistakes. I?m happy to be of help if you do.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's always a pleasure to tune in and figure out what your characters are up to, and there is never a dull moment. Thanks for sharing another fine scene.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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It's always a pleasure to tune in and figure out what your characters are up to, and there is never a dull moment. Thanks for sharing another fine scene.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thanks, Ric. You are always so encouraging. It keeps the gas in the tank. And at my age you can't have too much gas. Wait! Oh yes I can!