Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Football Chapter 4 part 3"A mother faces life's struggles.
21 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Katherine seems to be in a bind when it comes to Frost. If she does something like get a restraining order, he'll probably be more relentless. Maybe give some hints as to what's causing Frost to behave like this. He certainly doesn't have any basis for making the accusations he's making. Funny bit about the ice cream. Such moments are great to vary the mood a bit. Great characterization. judi
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Katherine seems to be in a bind when it comes to Frost. If she does something like get a restraining order, he'll probably be more relentless. Maybe give some hints as to what's causing Frost to behave like this. He certainly doesn't have any basis for making the accusations he's making. Funny bit about the ice cream. Such moments are great to vary the mood a bit. Great characterization. judi
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. Very enjoyable chapter. judi
Comment from Jay Squires
I don't know about that Frost character. He is certainly obsessed. I wonder if there is an underlying motive that goes deeper than wanting the best for his son. You've done well to extend the suspense about it. This is a very lively chapter, Barbara. Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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I don't know about that Frost character. He is certainly obsessed. I wonder if there is an underlying motive that goes deeper than wanting the best for his son. You've done well to extend the suspense about it. This is a very lively chapter, Barbara. Great job!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. Frost has his own problems but is being fueld by others.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
What??! HE DID WHAT? That guy is a looney toon. And scary. He knows far too much about our MC. I mean, how did he even know where she lived yet? Weird - and I'm not sure we're done with him or have yet seen how far he may go. Ick.
Notes:
1.) "Excuse me, Coach, can I call Mom again(?)
2.) When they arrived at the Riley house, a police officer was already on the scene.
--> what about Frost and his vehicle? Worth mentioning? I mean the cop car might raise eyebrows, but seeing Frost would seem to really indicate an issue
3.) "Good(. T)he keys are in it. I'm taking it to the school parking lot.
4.) Before Gabriel left, he watched, Brad pat-down Frost.
--> no commas
5.) You just happen(ed) to come along at the wrong time.
6.) He'd be angry with anybody, unless (was) his son who Paul hired."
7.) Katherine followed walked him to the door.
--> edit
Thank you so much!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Barbara,
What??! HE DID WHAT? That guy is a looney toon. And scary. He knows far too much about our MC. I mean, how did he even know where she lived yet? Weird - and I'm not sure we're done with him or have yet seen how far he may go. Ick.
Notes:
1.) "Excuse me, Coach, can I call Mom again(?)
2.) When they arrived at the Riley house, a police officer was already on the scene.
--> what about Frost and his vehicle? Worth mentioning? I mean the cop car might raise eyebrows, but seeing Frost would seem to really indicate an issue
3.) "Good(. T)he keys are in it. I'm taking it to the school parking lot.
4.) Before Gabriel left, he watched, Brad pat-down Frost.
--> no commas
5.) You just happen(ed) to come along at the wrong time.
6.) He'd be angry with anybody, unless (was) his son who Paul hired."
7.) Katherine followed walked him to the door.
--> edit
Thank you so much!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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I am sorry for this late reply but I needed time to make the corrections and make sure I didn't make it worse. Thank you for the catches.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Barb,
You with out any doubt deserve a six rating, for your novel
With this chapter three (3). Your chacters are great, which adds very much to your story of a widowed mother of three boys. A how she is being accused having relationship with men. All the above makes the readers, desire to keep reading.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Barb,
You with out any doubt deserve a six rating, for your novel
With this chapter three (3). Your chacters are great, which adds very much to your story of a widowed mother of three boys. A how she is being accused having relationship with men. All the above makes the readers, desire to keep reading.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Wow, this was a very explosive story with Frost being a most unreasonable prig in the process, at least the police carted him away for the night, most undignified behaviour. But Katherine is showing signs of the stirring in her heard fo this most attentive coach. Well done, beautifully written Barbara, excellent story, blessings Roy
Typo : Good(,) the keys are in it.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Wow, this was a very explosive story with Frost being a most unreasonable prig in the process, at least the police carted him away for the night, most undignified behaviour. But Katherine is showing signs of the stirring in her heard fo this most attentive coach. Well done, beautifully written Barbara, excellent story, blessings Roy
Typo : Good(,) the keys are in it.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you and I'll add that comma.
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Bless you Barbara
Comment from lancellot
Your writing is great. You clearly spend a lot of time going over it, perfect editing. The story is emotional and compelling, but as general fiction, it is becoming a bit too fantastical. Mr. Frost, is a problem character, his actions and how the world and other characters respond to it, defies logic.
That he was not arrested when the coach got to Katherine's home was amazing. That Katherine did not press charges after all this man has done to her, is also amazing. (right now she is almost flawless) That the coach was able to just drive Mr. Frost's car away (without his consent) is amazing (and quite illegal, that should never have happened) or holding Mr. Frost overnight without pressing charges (also illegal. Don't believe the 24 hours tv stuff). Now, that Katherine mentioned Skype, we know the time period.
Katherine is starting to resemble a battered woman, one who allows herself to be beaten and never fights back or leaves. Her explaining things to Frost was also (you know the word) amazing.
The Coach needs some development too. He is too much of a extroverted stud to be single without explanation. He is a man after all (he also seems perfect).
It is your novel, and your choice. Just suggestions.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Your writing is great. You clearly spend a lot of time going over it, perfect editing. The story is emotional and compelling, but as general fiction, it is becoming a bit too fantastical. Mr. Frost, is a problem character, his actions and how the world and other characters respond to it, defies logic.
That he was not arrested when the coach got to Katherine's home was amazing. That Katherine did not press charges after all this man has done to her, is also amazing. (right now she is almost flawless) That the coach was able to just drive Mr. Frost's car away (without his consent) is amazing (and quite illegal, that should never have happened) or holding Mr. Frost overnight without pressing charges (also illegal. Don't believe the 24 hours tv stuff). Now, that Katherine mentioned Skype, we know the time period.
Katherine is starting to resemble a battered woman, one who allows herself to be beaten and never fights back or leaves. Her explaining things to Frost was also (you know the word) amazing.
The Coach needs some development too. He is too much of a extroverted stud to be single without explanation. He is a man after all (he also seems perfect).
It is your novel, and your choice. Just suggestions.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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I will think about what you said, and many things you said will be reveal later and slowly. I can promise Frost is going to handled very soon.
Comment from Sankey
SIX time once again. Another very thorough chapter. All this stuff with Frost is certainly believable of particular types. The jealousy is coming out in his awful behaviour. No spags.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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SIX time once again. Another very thorough chapter. All this stuff with Frost is certainly believable of particular types. The jealousy is coming out in his awful behaviour. No spags.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Not sure if you read it years ago I have added an Addendum to an old poem in my "Geoff's Musings" book about "Disappearing Keys." If you did not see it before, money is still on it for today only pretty sure.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
I sure would hate to meet up with a man like Mr. Frost who is full of unfounded assumptions. That would be a miserable situation. Katharine seems like a very capable person. Well written!
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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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I sure would hate to meet up with a man like Mr. Frost who is full of unfounded assumptions. That would be a miserable situation. Katharine seems like a very capable person. Well written!
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Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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I think Katherine can handle Frost, but I'm wondering what else is lurking. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
This is an excellent chapter. You've created a very obnoxious character in Frost. He is well named too. I liked all the dialogue. I believe Katherine is softening a bit when i comes to her opinion of the coach. I'm glad that put Frost in jail. It is odd that the school tolerates his behavior. It seems he isn't really like by anyone.
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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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This is an excellent chapter. You've created a very obnoxious character in Frost. He is well named too. I liked all the dialogue. I believe Katherine is softening a bit when i comes to her opinion of the coach. I'm glad that put Frost in jail. It is odd that the school tolerates his behavior. It seems he isn't really like by anyone.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. Frost will be handled.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, a lot is happening in this post. That Frost is a pain in the backside, but could be potentially dangerous.
"You and Edwards slept her when she interviewed for the teaching job. = "You and Edwards slept with her ...
I like the story. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hi Barbara, a lot is happening in this post. That Frost is a pain in the backside, but could be potentially dangerous.
"You and Edwards slept her when she interviewed for the teaching job. = "You and Edwards slept with her ...
I like the story. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. Will take care of that oversight.