Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Call of the Wild Part 2"Shenanigans on the frontier
14 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Earl. I must tell you, your writing has improved 100 percent in the past few months alone. For instance, I like the way you used a good "hook" here:
"Godfrey Smythe looked down at the bloody mess that was Bear Rogers."
Also wonderful imagery used like here: "A man stepped up to Smythe. He looked and moved like a rat, and he smelled like he'd never taken a bath."
and: "Amos Flanders grinned revealing a mouthful of blackened stubs."
You also are learning the trick of using the strong verbs whenever possible, like here:
"Flanders scuttled away and returned with three men." See how strong "scuttled away" is compared to the weak, "walked away?"
one suggestion if I may: When dealing with a person's thoughts, either use all italics or add on "he thought after your regular font, but not both at one time. Cases in point here:
""Damn Doo Carter," he thought.
and here: ""I've got to get this rabble moving and catch up to Carter or he'll disappear into the wilderness," he thought."
Good job, Earl. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Hi, Earl. I must tell you, your writing has improved 100 percent in the past few months alone. For instance, I like the way you used a good "hook" here:
"Godfrey Smythe looked down at the bloody mess that was Bear Rogers."
Also wonderful imagery used like here: "A man stepped up to Smythe. He looked and moved like a rat, and he smelled like he'd never taken a bath."
and: "Amos Flanders grinned revealing a mouthful of blackened stubs."
You also are learning the trick of using the strong verbs whenever possible, like here:
"Flanders scuttled away and returned with three men." See how strong "scuttled away" is compared to the weak, "walked away?"
one suggestion if I may: When dealing with a person's thoughts, either use all italics or add on "he thought after your regular font, but not both at one time. Cases in point here:
""Damn Doo Carter," he thought.
and here: ""I've got to get this rabble moving and catch up to Carter or he'll disappear into the wilderness," he thought."
Good job, Earl. Bob
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much Bob, that is high praise coming from you, You have helped me immensely to become a much better writer since I've come to Fanstory I appreciate all your help.
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It's true you know. You have improved immensely. It is because you listen and remember things you are offered. Bravo, my friend. Bob
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It's true you know. You have improved immensely. It is because you listen and remember things you are offered. Bravo, my friend. Bob
Comment from poetwatch
It may have been a while, but waiting for your writing is well worth it, Earl. :) I like Roseanna. Why didn't Doolittle take her with them? She's one to ride the river with. :) I guess we will have to wait for your next chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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It may have been a while, but waiting for your writing is well worth it, Earl. :) I like Roseanna. Why didn't Doolittle take her with them? She's one to ride the river with. :) I guess we will have to wait for your next chapter.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much for the six star rating. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from lyenochka
Woohoo! I knew that no one should mess with Miss Roseanna! She isn't going to be anyone's victim. Great job with this post and your characters are clear and consistent!
A few minor comments:
She felt hers face turning red (her)
"Keep this scum away from Richard and I will do it," (This may be fine in colloquial speech. Wondered if you meant: "Keeping this scum away from Richard and me will do it,"
"You don't need Carter to protect you? (close quotes needed)
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Woohoo! I knew that no one should mess with Miss Roseanna! She isn't going to be anyone's victim. Great job with this post and your characters are clear and consistent!
A few minor comments:
She felt hers face turning red (her)
"Keep this scum away from Richard and I will do it," (This may be fine in colloquial speech. Wondered if you meant: "Keeping this scum away from Richard and me will do it,"
"You don't need Carter to protect you? (close quotes needed)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the editing tips. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Earl, it Has been a while since you posted. I wondered what had happened to you, and glad to know your are alive and well, and still writing in your excellent style.
I sure am glad Roseanna Can take care of herself, sounds like she needs to, considering the bunch she has to travel with.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Dear Earl, it Has been a while since you posted. I wondered what had happened to you, and glad to know your are alive and well, and still writing in your excellent style.
I sure am glad Roseanna Can take care of herself, sounds like she needs to, considering the bunch she has to travel with.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
Comment from royowen
What a feisty girl I'd Roseanna, and poor Richard, I don't think he was going to do anything. I haven't read your story for awhile, but I think I know what it's about Earl, but the good thing is, it's so entertaining, one can read a single episode, and be entertained. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : She felt her(s) face turning red. 2 : (w) we're Leaving in ten minutes,
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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What a feisty girl I'd Roseanna, and poor Richard, I don't think he was going to do anything. I haven't read your story for awhile, but I think I know what it's about Earl, but the good thing is, it's so entertaining, one can read a single episode, and be entertained. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : She felt her(s) face turning red. 2 : (w) we're Leaving in ten minutes,
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much Roy, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
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Most welcome Earl
Comment from aryr
Wow, that was indeed a great continuation chapter, Earl. Roseanna was definitely not taking kindly to being referred to as entertainment for the men that joined Smythe's crew. One thing after another seemed to follow Smythe. Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Wow, that was indeed a great continuation chapter, Earl. Roseanna was definitely not taking kindly to being referred to as entertainment for the men that joined Smythe's crew. One thing after another seemed to follow Smythe. Great job.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
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You are very welcome Earl
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You are very welcome Earl
Comment from juliaSjames
Hello Earl
This is my first taste of Roseanna and she's one strong character. I see she ends up defending her brother instead of vice versa in the brutal frontier setting of your western.
Your writing style is vigorous and lively.
Well done
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Hello Earl
This is my first taste of Roseanna and she's one strong character. I see she ends up defending her brother instead of vice versa in the brutal frontier setting of your western.
Your writing style is vigorous and lively.
Well done
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much nJulia, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work. You can get caught up with the book in my portfolio.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I was often told if you have something important that needs doing send for the nearest woman. Roseanna is one of those. She is certainly the type woman who helped win the West. Well done Earl. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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I was often told if you have something important that needs doing send for the nearest woman. Roseanna is one of those. She is certainly the type woman who helped win the West. Well done Earl. Nancy:)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much Nancy, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
Comment from Ben Colder
I suppose she sent her message with a led ball answering the call.
goes to show never mess with the lady of the house when you feeling cocky or you will hear another cocky. LOL.
Enjoyed it. Good post
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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I suppose she sent her message with a led ball answering the call.
goes to show never mess with the lady of the house when you feeling cocky or you will hear another cocky. LOL.
Enjoyed it. Good post
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much Ben, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work.
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As you know, I am a historical novelist so I always enjoy reading wotk of this nature.
Keep it rolling. Young people now days have not a clue what life is about..
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
You're right. I haven;t seen you post in ages and was missing this story. Roseanna is a girl with gumption. She is fun to watch in action. Well done!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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You're right. I haven;t seen you post in ages and was missing this story. Roseanna is a girl with gumption. She is fun to watch in action. Well done!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the timer to read and review my work. I've been posting short stories and poems. I want to finish the book by the end of the year, that's the goal.
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You're very welcome.
You'll make it!