Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "Chapter Einundzwanzig part eine"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
26 total reviews
Comment from Jan Anderegg
Great dialogue. It's very natural between the characters. Sad for the little baby born with Tay-Sachs disease. I had a little trouble finding her in your character list until I realized she was Hannah's baby. It is of course, impossible to come in this late in a book and expect to understand what's going on with the plot or the characters.
I didn't find any typos or errors.
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Great dialogue. It's very natural between the characters. Sad for the little baby born with Tay-Sachs disease. I had a little trouble finding her in your character list until I realized she was Hannah's baby. It is of course, impossible to come in this late in a book and expect to understand what's going on with the plot or the characters.
I didn't find any typos or errors.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you return.
Comment from mbroyles2
Information is also an excellent way to move a story along.
Even in this short post we can see Shana and Drew growing closer, and the emotion that is flowing through Shana as she deals with the almost certain death of Sarah.
100%.
That's truly sad.
Michael
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Information is also an excellent way to move a story along.
Even in this short post we can see Shana and Drew growing closer, and the emotion that is flowing through Shana as she deals with the almost certain death of Sarah.
100%.
That's truly sad.
Michael
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Barbara
Your trademark tight dialogue makes this chapter flow very nicely.
"He grinned. "I do and I did. Philip called. I had a few things that needed my attention...'
Nicely done, my friend.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Hi, Barbara
Your trademark tight dialogue makes this chapter flow very nicely.
"He grinned. "I do and I did. Philip called. I had a few things that needed my attention...'
Nicely done, my friend.
:) Bev
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Tears welled in Shana's eyes. "Drew, the death rate for children suffering from Tay-Sachs is one hundred percent. Sarah doesn't have a chance of making it past her sixth birthday, if that long."
'Anderson put his arms around Shana and held her. "I'm sorry."
It doesn't matter what you write Barbara your story always has me glued to it. You are such a talent and that never changes. I loved this write as ever, you can write warm and emotive work as well as deep and senstive, dramatic and even astounding. I loved this well done as always kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Tears welled in Shana's eyes. "Drew, the death rate for children suffering from Tay-Sachs is one hundred percent. Sarah doesn't have a chance of making it past her sixth birthday, if that long."
'Anderson put his arms around Shana and held her. "I'm sorry."
It doesn't matter what you write Barbara your story always has me glued to it. You are such a talent and that never changes. I loved this write as ever, you can write warm and emotive work as well as deep and senstive, dramatic and even astounding. I loved this well done as always kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement. WOW!!!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
This is a technically solid and proficient addition to the piece, as far as I can tell. As you say, not much to go on here but nothing wrong with it either.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Hi Barbara,
This is a technically solid and proficient addition to the piece, as far as I can tell. As you say, not much to go on here but nothing wrong with it either.
All the best
G
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thank you. I wait for your review so I know what I need to fix.
Comment from apky
Another excellent writing and I found no spags.
The story continued to flow well and move forward. The emotions are more obvious and pronounced between Shana and Anderson. It seems as if all the fate and conflicts succeeed in bringing them closer together - if nothing else of their own feelings towards each other does.
I've never heard of Tay-Sachs disease before and wonder what on earth it is. Seems to be something hereditary.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Another excellent writing and I found no spags.
The story continued to flow well and move forward. The emotions are more obvious and pronounced between Shana and Anderson. It seems as if all the fate and conflicts succeeed in bringing them closer together - if nothing else of their own feelings towards each other does.
I've never heard of Tay-Sachs disease before and wonder what on earth it is. Seems to be something hereditary.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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It is. It's found mostly in the Jewish communities. It's rarely seen elsewhere but it is possible. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks expectation of miracles or magic about saving Sarah, Anderson seeks apology, tears welled in Shana's eyes; fate is unchallengeable; well written, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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This speaks expectation of miracles or magic about saving Sarah, Anderson seeks apology, tears welled in Shana's eyes; fate is unchallengeable; well written, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Beck Fenton
As always, your action is kept moving and your dialogue is believable. I think your characters are well drawn and likable, Especially Drew. He's a great fantasy guy with his handsome looks and money doesn't hurt. I like this story you're writing. I just want more! Grin. good job.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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As always, your action is kept moving and your dialogue is believable. I think your characters are well drawn and likable, Especially Drew. He's a great fantasy guy with his handsome looks and money doesn't hurt. I like this story you're writing. I just want more! Grin. good job.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara;
Yes, Tay-Sachs disease is awful, and you are right, no one survives. I always enjoy the posts you use for informational purposes. We need to know what is going on, and even though, it feels like we are telling rather than showing, it is important to the plot.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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Hi, Barbara;
Yes, Tay-Sachs disease is awful, and you are right, no one survives. I always enjoy the posts you use for informational purposes. We need to know what is going on, and even though, it feels like we are telling rather than showing, it is important to the plot.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. I am so sorry I missed so much of your writing. I have been off ill in the last four months. I missed your writing but see that you still have Shana in your stories. Good. I did note this, however and perhaps you mwant to corret it: "Anderson rolled over to answer his ring cell," (Ddid you mean ringing cell?
Bless you, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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Hi, Barbara. I am so sorry I missed so much of your writing. I have been off ill in the last four months. I missed your writing but see that you still have Shana in your stories. Good. I did note this, however and perhaps you mwant to corret it: "Anderson rolled over to answer his ring cell," (Ddid you mean ringing cell?
Bless you, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
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I will make that correction ASAP! LOL I can't believe I did it. Thank you. I hope to see you post again.