Bob’s your uncle! This one really slays me. What has Bob got to do with anything? Yet it means it’s all finished and all good. People often use this expression to conclude a story about a problem that got solved. No one really knows where this idiom came from but one theory suggests it refers to the supposed nepotism of the 20th British Prime Minister, Lord Salisbury (whose first name was Robert), but that is just supposition. 

ie: I'll just trim your beard, and Bob’s your uncle!

Donkey’s years old! This means it’s ancient, really old. But how does it explain the donkey part? Basically, it’s the large ears the donkey has. This idiom began as ‘Donkey’s ears long/old, but over time, ears became years. Another silly idiom, but fun. 

ie: I haven’t baked a pie in donkey’s years!

To feel under the weather! To feel tired or rather poorly. This comes from way back and is actually really interesting. Back in the olden days on the old sailing ships, the number of sick sailors often exceeded the space in the log to list their names. When this happened, the excess names of the sick were recorded in the column usually reserved for noting down the weather conditions. Hence 'under the weather'. Sounds reasonable to me!! Lol.

To give someone stick! This comes from the literal sense of beating someone with a stick, but over the years it became more a form of verbal criticism rather than a beating. It also progressed to become a subtle British idiom of being mean, or sarcastic, to someone when a person has done something silly, but is taken in fun because those giving the person ‘stick’ are friends! Lol, that’s us British, we like to confuse!!

Ie. He’s been getting stick all week from his wife because he forgot her birthday! 

To go pear-shaped! I liked this one which has two possible origins, plus a few others that have since materialised. I’ll stick to the two I managed to discover, both of which describe something going wrong. The first dates back to the observational balloons used during WW1, which occasionally refused to inflate as they were intended, but would go ‘pear-shaped.’ The second takes place in the air again, this time during WW2 when RAF pilots were sometimes frustrated by their attempts to perform perfect aerial circles but instead ended up ‘pear-shaped.’ 

An example of today's usage is: ‘I was trying to arrange a party for Dad, but it went pear-shaped!’ Or you can just say, it all went wrong. Finally, it also describes the body-shape of some of us!!

As it's nearly Christmas, here's a few of my favourite Christmas Cracker jokes!

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
‘Get out of my face!’ 

Why was the snowman embarrassed when he was spotted rummaging through the bag of carrots?
He was caught picking his nose!!

I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift! 

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
Because they’re always dropping their needles!!

What does Santa do when his elves are naughty?
He gives them the sack!

What is Good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza?
One that’s deep pan crisp and even!