General Fiction posted September 6, 2021 |
Solicitation for a ''hit'' with a TWIST
Confession of a Wannabe Divorcee
by Elizabeth Emerald
I made the first marital mistake on July 8, 1979, a date that shall live in infamy. It took me 17 days to realize the error, and 17 years to rectify it.
In the miserable meanwhile, I fantasized about how to divest myself of Dick, who spurned my continual pleas to divorce, on the spurious grounds that he loved me.
His actions did not comport with his purported feelings.
Seeing no other way out, I came up with a plan to get rid of him.
I approached a friend who had contacts in "the business"; she gave me phone numbers of four associates, desperate for money, who might take on the job.
I met, surreptitiously, with the first on the list and laid out my case. In the event my prospect would have a twinge of conscience, I sought to justify my position, lest I come across as heartless. I gave explicit examples of how Dick's rudeness, intolerance, and foul language alienated friends to the point that they repeatedly refused my invitations; even Dick's own family couldn't stand him.
The first person declined my proposal forthwith.
I went through my spiel with the other three; one by one, they bowed out.
Each of them gave the same reason. Though they were all aspiring actresses, they felt their talent was not at a level that they could pretend to fall in love with Dick long enough for him to return the favor and thus grant me a divorce.
I made the first marital mistake on July 8, 1979, a date that shall live in infamy. It took me 17 days to realize the error, and 17 years to rectify it.
In the miserable meanwhile, I fantasized about how to divest myself of Dick, who spurned my continual pleas to divorce, on the spurious grounds that he loved me.
His actions did not comport with his purported feelings.
Seeing no other way out, I came up with a plan to get rid of him.
I approached a friend who had contacts in "the business"; she gave me phone numbers of four associates, desperate for money, who might take on the job.
I met, surreptitiously, with the first on the list and laid out my case. In the event my prospect would have a twinge of conscience, I sought to justify my position, lest I come across as heartless. I gave explicit examples of how Dick's rudeness, intolerance, and foul language alienated friends to the point that they repeatedly refused my invitations; even Dick's own family couldn't stand him.
The first person declined my proposal forthwith.
I went through my spiel with the other three; one by one, they bowed out.
Each of them gave the same reason. Though they were all aspiring actresses, they felt their talent was not at a level that they could pretend to fall in love with Dick long enough for him to return the favor and thus grant me a divorce.
In the miserable meanwhile, I fantasized about how to divest myself of Dick, who spurned my continual pleas to divorce, on the spurious grounds that he loved me.
His actions did not comport with his purported feelings.
Seeing no other way out, I came up with a plan to get rid of him.
I approached a friend who had contacts in "the business"; she gave me phone numbers of four associates, desperate for money, who might take on the job.
I met, surreptitiously, with the first on the list and laid out my case. In the event my prospect would have a twinge of conscience, I sought to justify my position, lest I come across as heartless. I gave explicit examples of how Dick's rudeness, intolerance, and foul language alienated friends to the point that they repeatedly refused my invitations; even Dick's own family couldn't stand him.
The first person declined my proposal forthwith.
I went through my spiel with the other three; one by one, they bowed out.
Each of them gave the same reason. Though they were all aspiring actresses, they felt their talent was not at a level that they could pretend to fall in love with Dick long enough for him to return the favor and thus grant me a divorce.
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